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"The Big Bang Theory" The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition (TV Episode 2011) Poster

Quotes

Sheldon Cooper: I believe I would like to alter the paradigm of our relationship.

Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm listening.

Sheldon Cooper: With the understanding that nothing changes, whatsoever. Physical or otherwise. I would not object to us no longer characterizing you as not my girlfriend.

Amy Farrah Fowler: Interesting. Now, try it without the quadruple negative.

Sheldon Cooper: You're being impossible.

[Amy leans over to Stuart]

Amy Farrah Fowler: Hi, Stuart!

Sheldon Cooper: Fine!

[Amy leans back to Sheldon again]

Sheldon Cooper: Amy... Will you be my girlfriend?

Amy Farrah Fowler: Yes.

Sheldon Cooper: Well, that's enough of that.

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[Sheldon knocks on Penny's door]

Penny: Who do we love?

Sheldon Cooper: Penny!

[knocks again]

Penny: Who do we love?

Sheldon Cooper: Penny!

[knocks again]

Penny: Who do we love?

Sheldon Cooper: Penny!

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Stuart: Leonard, what's the deal with Sheldon's friend Amy? Are they a couple?

Leonard Hofstadter: A couple of weirdos. Why?

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Bernadette Rostenkowski: [to Amy] What are you gonna do, doesn't he know you have a boyfriend?

Penny: Oh, she doesn't have a boyfriend. She has a Sheldon.

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Sheldon Cooper: [knocks] Penny.

[knocks]

Sheldon Cooper: Amy.

[knocks]

Sheldon Cooper: Bernadette.

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[Sheldon joins Amy and Stuart on their date]

Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, what are you doing here?

Sheldon Cooper: The thought of you sitting in a darkened theater with a character like Stuart is repellent. No offence Stuart.

Stuart: None taken. Though repellent's kind of a, kind of a strong word.

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Howard Wolowitz: You know, it's amazing people keep coming to comic book stores instead of just downloading the comics digitally.

Leonard Hofstadter: It's probably for the best. For a lot of these guys, the weekly trip here is the only chance their mom has to go down to the basement and change their sheets.

Howard Wolowitz: Oh, that reminds me, I get fresh sheets tonight, yay!

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Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, can I talk to you about something? It's a little awkward.

Sheldon Cooper: I know what this is about. Given the professional stand still you're at, you're wondering if this is the appropriate time to abandon your research and focus on teaching.

[pauses]

Sheldon Cooper: Yes.

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Penny: What's up?

Sheldon Cooper: I came to ask if you would like to go on a date with me.

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Penny: Alright, honey, let me tell you a story. There was a guy I liked, and I never told him how I felt. Eventually he started going out with someone else, and I always regretted it. Do you see where I'm going with this?

Sheldon Cooper: I believe I do.

Penny: Mhm.

Sheldon Cooper: I'm the guy.

Penny: You're not the guy.

Sheldon Cooper: Are you sure? That would explain so much. Your constant presence in my apartment, the baffling dalliance with Leonard just to be near me, the way you call me sweetie all the time...

Penny: I call everyone sweetie.

Sheldon Cooper: You tramp.

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Penny: Look, Sheldon, all I'm saying is... strap on a pair and go talk to Amy.

Sheldon Cooper: Strap on a pair? Uh, of what? Skates?

Penny: Oh, sweetie, you're so not the guy.

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Sheldon Cooper: I got a splinter.

Amy Farrah Fowler: What do you want me to do about it?

Sheldon Cooper: Relationship agreement, section 4: Boo-boos and ouchies. You have to take care of it.

Amy Farrah Fowler: I should have gotten a lawyer.

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Penny: Oh god, are you trying to make Amy jealous?

Sheldon Cooper: No! Why is everyone so obsessed with Amy and Stuart, and whether or not they may be having more pumpkin lattes or intercourse tonight?

Penny: Ok, listen to me, playing games is not gonna help get Amy back.

Sheldon Cooper: I'm not trying to get her back! But out of curiosity, what is a way?

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Bernadette Rostenkowski: We should play Limbo next. No one beats me at limbo!

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Stuart: So, other than you taking your relationship to the next level with another guy, this was nice!

Amy Farrah Fowler: Yes, well, thanks for seeing me to my door.

Stuart: Oh, you're welcome.

Sheldon Cooper: [Knocking from inside Amy's apartment] Amy! Amy! Amy! Let's wrap things up out there!

Amy Farrah Fowler: Umm... Good night Stuart!

Stuart: Good night!

[They hug]

Sheldon Cooper: Take a hint Stuart, the lady said good night!

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Sheldon Cooper: I got a splinter.

Amy Farrah Fowler: What do you want me to do about it?

Sheldon Cooper: Relationship Agreement Section 4: Boo-Boos and Ouchies. You have to take care of it.

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Sheldon Cooper: I know what this is about. Given the professional standstill you're at, you're wondering if this is the appropriate time to abandon your research and focus on teaching. Yes! And if I may suggest, consider changing discipline, to the humanities or perhaps history. One of the advantages of teaching history is that you don't have to create things, you know, you just have to remember stuffs that happened and then parrot it back. You can have fun with that.

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Sheldon Cooper: So, what do you think of new comic book night? Magic, right?

Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, I'm disappointed in you. Sure, a genius such as yourself is allowed his vices. I can understand frequenting an opium den or hunting your fellow men for sport, but this? Lame-o.

Sheldon Cooper: A. comic books are storytelling through the use of sequential art, a medium that has existed for 17,000 years back to the cave art of Lascaux; and B. you play the harp, like that's cool.

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Stuart: Need help finding anything you like?

Amy Farrah Fowler: Yeah, a comic book without a woman whose bosom could be used as a flotation device.

Stuart: Sorry, people who come here like big boobs. Some of them have big boobs.

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Howard Wolowitz: Are you telling me that Sheldon's patented combination of condescension and no sex isn't enough to hold onto a woman?

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Howard Wolowitz: I thought you didn't like Facebook anymore.

Sheldon Cooper: Don't be silly. I'm a fan of anything that tries to replaces actual human contact.

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Penny: Amy, you little vixen! Look who's been working it under all those layers of wool and polyester.

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Raj Koothrappali: Stuart, help us settle an argument. Who would win in a fight, Billy the Kid or the White Wizard?

Stuart: I could tell you, but then I would be depriving you of the joy of finding out yourselves at the magical, rootin'-tootin' low price of $24.99.

Raj Koothrappali: I'll buy one.

Howard Wolowitz: Make that two.

Leonard Hofstadter: I hate you both and myself. Make it three.

Stuart: [Walking to resgister] Like shooting nerds in a barrel.

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Penny: Looks like we killed the bottle.

Amy Farrah Fowler: I only had half a glass.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: I didn't drink any.

Penny: Don't judge me.

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Amy Farrah Fowler: How did you get into my apartment?

Sheldon Cooper: Is this the kind of nagging I'm going to expect now that you're my girlfriend?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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