Holliston (TV Series)

Candyman: Part 1 (2012)

Adam Green: Adam

Quotes 

• Tony Todd : Where are we gonna drink?

  Adam : You wanna go out drinking... with us?

  Tony Todd : Well, not if you don't know how to show a movie star a good time. I wanna tear some shit up! I wanna make discoveries, you know like, Mick Jagger style. I wanna throw a TV out of a hotel room window. I wanna paint this town red! Boys, tonight I'm gonna show you how we do it Hollywood style.

  Adam : Our night out is gonna be a remake?

  Tony Todd : No, but it's gonna be in three-triple-D! Let's go!

• Adam : Before you went to bed last night, did you look in the mirror and say "Candyman" five times?

  Joe : No.

  [Then] 

  Joe : Yes.

• Adam : Football. Sports.

  Tony Todd : Man stuff.

  Adam : [Mimicking Tony's deep voice]  Man stuff.

  [Off of Tony's look, he sits on the floor] 

  Tony Todd : No High Definition?

  Adam : We can't afford a High Def TV.

  Tony Todd : I'll buy you one.

  Adam : You'll buy us a TV?

  Tony Todd : Yeah, I'll buy you one and take it with me when I go.

• Tony Todd : Imagine that. My beer is empty.

  Adam : I think there's one more in the fridge, I can go get it for you.

  Tony Todd : Hey, Homeslice. You got any Crystal Meth?

  Adam : [Adam checks his pockets. Shakes his head "no."] 

  Tony Todd : Oxycontin?

  Adam : [Adam checks his pockets. Shakes his head "no."] 

  Tony Todd : Ritilin?

  Adam : [Adam checks his pockets. Shakes his head "no."] 

  Tony Todd : Multivitamin?

  Adam : [Adam checks his pockets. Shakes his head "no."] 

• Adam : I think I have a contact high. Do I have a contact high? It kinda feels... it kinda feels... it kinda feels like there's a beautiful woman rubbing my temples with two muppets. Is that possible? Am I fat?

  Joe : You could stand to loose a few pounds. We need to get these people out of our apartment?

• Adam : Sports are fun.

• Adam : I'm sure after his shower, he'll be on his way.

  Joe : He's not going anywhere. It's like he's moved in.

  Adam : He didn't move in. Although he did put his name on the buzzer outside.

• Adam : What's with all the bags?

  Corri : Oh, these? Just my depression and anger in the form of new clothes I absolutely couldn't afford to put on my credit card. I broke up with Kevin.

  Adam : [Adam does a victory dance behind Corri]  I'm sorry to hear that. You know, relationships... are hard. And break-ups are even harder. But if you need anything to help you through this difficult time, like, I don't know... a friend to take you to dinner? A shoulder to cry on? You can sleep with me to get back at him. I would do that for you.

• Tony Todd : And you are...?

  Corri : Single!

  Adam : That's Corri. She has crabs.

• Adam : Candyman's gotta die.

• Adam : [Staring into a mirror]  Namydnac. Namydnac. Namydnac. Namydnac. Namydnac.

  Joe : Saying "Candyman" backwards five times into a mirror is not gonna make him go away.

• Tony Todd : I'm a seasoned actor. I'm an experienced thespian.

  Adam : You're gay?

  Tony Todd : Thespian!

  Adam : You're gay?

  Tony Todd : Actor!

  Adam : Oh.

• Tony Todd : It would be real nice if I could borrow your bed.

  Adam : Why do you need to borrow my bed?

  Tony Todd : Because that chick out there? She's ready to flip! And I don't want to break your couch or nothing, cause when I go...? I go HARD! I mean REAL HARD HARD!

  Adam : Come on! You're a rich and famous actor, can't you get a hotel room?

  Tony Todd : I'll buy you a hotel room. I don't like hotel rooms. They make me lonely. Plus, I'm allergic to certain fabric softeners.

  Adam : You really need to just...

  Tony Todd : Thanks, man! You owe me!

• Adam : Oderus, what do you do when you have a house guest that's overstaying his welcome and won't leave?

  Oderus Urungus : That's easy. How about, you get on the internet and find a bunch of pictures of naked underage chicks? Then you put them together in photoshop and you get him arrested!

  Adam : Right, but then I would have to go and find illegal pictures of naked underage girls! I'm not gonna do that!

  Oderus Urungus : Like you use the computer for anything else around here!

• Oderus Urungus : That reminds me of a little saying we have on my home planet of Scumdogia. "When life gives you lemons, you make lemon lemon and stuff. And then you get plums, or maybe it's back to the lemons, anyway you take fruit and you shove it up your ass!" What you don't seem to understand is this guy is a celebrity! He is a genetically superior life form! You are an insignificant plop of maggot puke! Therefore I advise you to continue to let him have sex with your girlfriend, hang around at your apartment, and basically steamroll over every aspect of your life. He is famous! You are not! You suck!

  Adam : Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right.

  Oderus Urungus : Who'd you say this guy was anyway?

  Adam : Candyman.

  Oderus Urungus : Candyman is in the house? Ahhhhhh!

  [Crashes through the bedroom wall back into his closet] 

  Oderus Urungus : Seriously! Get the fuck

  [BLEEPED] 

  Oderus Urungus : out of the house!

• Joe : She's your ex-girlfriend. It's none of your business what she does with her... what are the kids calling vaginas these days?

  Adam : Vaginas.

  Joe : Gross!

• Lance Rockett : I need that Crazy Max spot out to the client by 5 o'clock. Copulate?

  Joe : Um, don't you mean... compute?

  Lance Rockett : No.

  Adam : Comprende?

  Lance Rockett : No.

  Joe : Capisch?

  Lance Rockett : That's it!

• Adam : I'm kind of having... girl problems.

  Lance Rockett : Well lay it on me! Uncle Rockett can set you straight!

  Adam : I'm pretty confident that's not true.

• Adam : Argh! I've had it! I'm not gonna take it anymore!

  [to Lance Rockett] 

  Adam : We're not gonna take it, anymore!

  Lance Rockett : This joke is awkward for me. In a number of ways.

• Adam : You know what, Joe? When life tosses your salad, shove lemons or plums up it's ass!

  Joe : I have no idea what that means but now you're talking.

  Adam : Let's kill Candyman.

• Adam : I'm gonna go get some strawberries. At Market Basket.

• Adam : Get out of our apartment.

  Tony Todd : What did you say?

  Adam : You heard me. You can sit here and push us around and overstay your welcome, but you're not gonna talk about Corri like that to me.

  Tony Todd : You better watch what you're saying, Little Man.

  Adam : I don't care if she's my girlfriend or not. She's my friend. And she's probably the coolest chick that ever lived. You "wasted four dollars buying her ice cream"? That girl is worth all of the ice cream in the world. So take your celebrity bullshit and your Candyman hook, which is totally awesome, and beat it!