Tyrion Lannister: Tell me, when your men slaughtered Ned Stark's men at the throne room, did you give the orders?
Janos Slynt: I did, and I would again. The man was a traitor. He tried to buy my loyalty.
Tyrion Lannister: [teasing] The fool. He had no idea you were already bought.
Janos Slynt: [angrily] Are you drunk? I won't have my honor questioned by an imp!
Tyrion Lannister: I'm not questioning your honor, Lord Janos. I'm denying its existence.
[Janos jumps on his feet furiously]
Janos Slynt: If you think I'll stand here and take this from you, dwarf...
Tyrion Lannister: "Dwarf"? You should have stopped at "imp". And yes, you will stand here and take it from me, unless you like to take it from my friend here.
[Janos notices that Bronn stands near him]
Tyrion Lannister: I intend to serve as Hand of the King until my father returns from the war. And seeing as you betrayed the last Hand of the King, well, I just wouldn't feel safe with you lurking about.
Janos Slynt: Did you... my friends at the court will not allow this! The queen herself...
Tyrion Lannister: The queen regent. And you are a fool to believe she is your friend.
Janos Slynt: [hissing] We shall hear what Joffrey has to say about this!
Tyrion Lannister: No, we shall not.
[several guards of the City Watch enter]
Tyrion Lannister: There's a ship leaving for Eastwatch-by-the-Sea tonight. From there, I'm afraid it's rather long walk to Castle Black. I hope you enjoy the Wall. I found it surprisingly beautiful... in a brutal, horribly uncomfortable sort of way.
Bronn: The lads will escort you. The streets aren't safe at night, my Lord.
Janos Slynt: [angrily] These men are under my command!
[Bronn grins teasingly]
Janos Slynt: [to the guards] I command you to arrest this cutthroat!
Tyrion Lannister: His name is Bronn, and he is the new commander of the City Watch.
Bronn: [to the guards] Boys...
[the guards drag Janos Slynt outside, despite his loud protests]
Arya Stark: You're a liar.
Gendry: You know you shouldn't insult people that are bigger than you are.
Arya Stark: Then I wouldn't get to insult anyone.
Salladhor Saan: I've been all over the world, my boy, and everywhere I go people tell me about the 'true gods', they all think they found the right one. The one true god is what's between a woman's legs. And better yet a queen's legs.
Lommy Greenhands: [after the goldcloaks threaten Yoren and his recruits] If they come back, I say we yield. Gendry's the one they want. Don't want to get caught in the middle of a battle.
Hot Pie: I ain't afraid of no battles.
Arya Stark: If you got within a mile of a battle, you'd fill your pants.
Hot Pie: I've seen lots of battles. I saw...
Arya Stark: Liar.
Hot Pie: I saw a man kill another man just outside a tavern in Flea Bottom. Stabbed him right in the neck.
Lommy Greenhands: Two men fighting isn't a battle.
Hot Pie: They had armor on.
Arya Stark: So?
Hot Pie: So, if they've got armor on, it's a battle.
Lommy Greenhands: No, it isn't.
Hot Pie: What does a dyer's apprentice know about battles, anyway?
Arya Stark: Gendry's an armorer's apprentice. Hot Pie, tell Gendry what makes a fight into a battle.
Hot Pie: It's, um... when they've got armor on.
Gendry: And who told you that?
Hot Pie: [pause] A knight.
Gendry: How'd you know he was a knight?
Hot Pie: Well... 'cause he's got armor on.
Gendry: You don't have to be a knight to buy armor. Any idiot can buy armor.
Hot Pie: How do you know?
Gendry: 'Cause I sold armor.
Shae: And I tell him the story of how we meet.
Lord Varys: To find so lovely a creature working in your father's kitchens - it almost beggars belief.
Tyrion Lannister: Strange things do happen. You should taste her fish pie.
Shae: I don't think Lord Varys likes fish pie.
Yoren: [holding his dagger to a Goldcloak's crotch] It's a funny thing; people worry so much about their throats that they forget about what's down low. Now, I sharpened this blade before breakfast. I could shave a spider's arse if I wanted to, or I could nick this artery in your leg. And once it's nicked, there's no one around here who knows how to unnick it.
Cersei Lannister: You want to be Hand of the King? You want to rule? This is what ruling is; lying on a bed of weeds, ripping them out by the root, one by one, before they strangle you in your sleep!
Tyrion Lannister: I'm no king, but I think there's more to ruling than that.
Cersei Lannister: I don't care what you think! You've never taken it seriously; you haven't, Jaime hasn't! It's all fallen on me.
Tyrion Lannister: As has Jaime repeatedly, according to Stannis Baratheon.
Cersei Lannister: You're funny. You've always been funny, but none of your jokes will match the first one, will they? Do you remember, back when you ripped my mother open on your way out of her and she bled to death?
Tyrion Lannister: She was my mother too.
Cersei Lannister: Mother gone, for the sake of you. There's no bigger joke in the world than that.
Balon Greyjoy: [about Yara] She's commanded me. She's killed me. And she knows who she is.
Eddison Tollett: And I said "If the gods wanted us to have dignity, they wouldn't make us fart when we died."
Grenn: We fart when we die?
Eddison Tollett: My blessed mother - I was holding her hand when she left this world - she farted so hard, the whole bed shook.
Samwell Tarly: [ogling one of their host's several wives] Seems a bit greedy for one man to have so many wives. Wouldn't two or three be enough for him?
Eddison Tollett: We were having a serious discussion.
Ser Davos Seaworth: [to his son Matthos] You want me to have a god? Fine. Stannis is my god. He raised me up and blessed me with his trust. He gave you a future I could never have imagined. You know how to read, you'll be a knight some day. You think a fire-god commanded all of that? It was Stannis, only Stannis.