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"Modern Family" Hit and Run (TV Episode 2011) Poster

(TV Series)

(2011)

Quotes

Phil Dunphy: I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women. Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condolezza Rice, Serena Williams... wait a minute.

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Manny Delgado: I wanna be home schooled.

Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Really, Manny? Do you want me to learn you English?

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Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Let me tell you a story. There was this girl who entered a beauty contest. She was nervous because she was very scared that she was going to lose.

Claire Dunphy: Let me guess. You won.

Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Of course I did. I was talking about my cousin Maria Conchita. She had a nose like a toucan and had to stuff her big body into this little bikini. She came in dead last.

Claire Dunphy: Why are you telling me all this?

Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: The point is, she faced her fear and it didn't kill her. What killed her was the bus that hit her two weeks later.

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Jay Pritchett: This kid is on the job for ten minutes and he wants me to wow him.

Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: What is this wow?

Manny Delgado: It's the Bieberization of America.

Jay Pritchett: What do beavers have to do with this?

Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: The beavers, they build the dams all over the country so there are no floods. It's the beaverization of America.

Manny Delgado: I find that we have less and less to talk about.

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Luke Dunphy: [scoffing] Police. Aren't they too busy winning the war on drugs?

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Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Jay won't let me help with his business, and now Manny won't let me help with his homework. It's so frustrating. I have all the answers!

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Mitchell Pritchett: [as he sees Jay, Phil and Cameron going to confront the boy who scammed Haley] No, we are not vigilantes!

Cameron Tucker: Shotgun!

Mitchell Pritchett: No! No weapons!

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Mitchell Pritchett: Cam thinks he's Dirty Harry.

Jay Pritchett: I have trouble picturing Clint Eastwood in that shirt.

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Cameron Tucker: You know, if this were a romantic comedy, this would be our meet cute. We'd spend the rest of the afternoon drinking wine, eating food, flying a kite... you know, montage-y stuff.

Mitchell Pritchett: Am I in this movie of yours?

Cameron Tucker: Yeah, you're the gay best friend.

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Claire Dunphy: Phil, where are you, honey? I need to talk to you. Do you know what our daughter did?

Phil Dunphy: [trying to cover up Alex's stupor] Nothing. She's fine. She's reading.

Claire Dunphy: No, not her. Haley. Haley, come over here. I wanna talk to you.

Phil Dunphy: There she is! Not a scratch on her.

Claire Dunphy: You have something you wanna say to us?

Haley Dunphy: Uh...

Claire Dunphy: Mmm... let me help you out here. Fake IDs?

Phil Dunphy: What?

Claire Dunphy: Mm-hmm. Haley tried to get her and her friends some fake IDs.

Haley Dunphy: I wasn't going to use them for drinking. We just wanted to get into this club to see a band.

Claire Dunphy: She took a bunch of money from them, and then she lost it.

Phil Dunphy: How much?

Alex Dunphy: [slurring] $900.

Phil DunphyClaire Dunphy: You're kidding me!/Oh my god!

Haley Dunphy: It's not my fault! I gave the money to this guy. He's the one who ripped us off.

Claire Dunphy: [to Luke] What happened to your face?

Luke Dunphy: Oh. I ran into a door.

Phil Dunphy: Yeah.

Claire Dunphy: What happened to your face?

Luke Dunphy: Dad hit me.

Phil Dunphy: It was an accident. I was trying to open up a Band-Aid.

Claire Dunphy: Phil!

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Claire Dunphy: [seeing Alex passed out on the couch] What's wrong with her?

Phil Dunphy: Growth spurt.

Claire Dunphy: What's wrong with her?

Phil Dunphy: I drugged her.

Claire Dunphy: Phil...

Phil Dunphy: I accidentally gave her the nighttime allergy medicine.

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Mitchell Pritchett: [to Jay, Phil and Cameron] See you in prison! It'll be a big adjustment for two of you.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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