Community (TV Series)
Horror Fiction in Seven Spooky Steps (2011)
Gillian Jacobs: Britta Perry
Photos
Quotes
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Abed Nadir : [Abed is narrating his Halloween scary story] Here we are, a log cabin I rented so we could be intimate in safety, because it's not the 50s, so we don't have to park a car and neck at inspiration point.
Britta Perry : That makes sense. I'm turned on by how logical you are.
Abed Nadir : I'm comforted by your shiny hair and facial symmetry. Well, I just brushed my teeth, so this would be the optimal time to kiss.
[They kiss]
Abed Nadir : Enjoyable. Soft lips. Just the right level of moisture.
Britta Perry : Would you like to do it again?
Abed Nadir : No. We should listen to the news on this radio. I brought it as a cautionary measure, because this cabin is within walking distance of the local insane asylum.
Britta Perry : Oh, is that why you were able to rent it at such a reasonable rate?
Abed Nadir : Yes.
Britta Perry : I hope you're as fertile as I am tonight.
Abed Nadir : More.
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Newscaster on the radio : In the news tonight, top story: An escaped convict from the asylum has escaped, and he's mental and he's on the loose and stuff.
Britta Perry : Oh, my God. That sounds dangerous.
Jeff Winger : Oh, I'm sure it's no biggie, but I am a horny man. I'm only half-present.
Newscaster on the radio : He was last seen in the woods and has a thingy for a hand, a hook thing where his hand should be. You know what I mean.
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Britta Perry : We learned an important lesson tonight. We should never make the Britta of Britta-ing each other's feelings.
Pierce Hawthorne : You're using it wrong.
Jeff Winger : Wow. You Britta'd "Britta'd."
Abed Nadir : Yeah, way to pull an Abed.
Shirley Bennett : I don't get it.
Jeff Winger : Shirley, don't Pierce.
Pierce Hawthorne : I don't get it.
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Jeff Winger : You probably just Britta-ed the test results somehow.
Britta Perry : No, I double-checked them. Wait. Are people using my name to mean make a small mistake?
Jeff Winger : [Long pause] ... Yes.
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Britta Perry : And the woman was screaming and screaming and the man got killed. Abed?
Abed Nadir : Yep?
Britta Perry : How did that story make you feel?
Abed Nadir : Embarrassed.
Britta Perry : That's an odd reaction.
[all disagreeing]
Troy Barnes : Seems fair.
Britta Perry : What embarrassed you about it?
Abed Nadir : I didn't care about the characters.
Britta Perry : Didn't care about themmm?
[Britta looks at Jeff]
Britta Perry : [Jeff rolls his eyes]
Abed Nadir : They were stupid. They deliberately put themselves in danger, and, when they were warned about it, the guy got out of the car.
Britta Perry : Do you believe because he was stupid he deserved to die?
Pierce Hawthorne : What the hell kind of party is this?
Abed Nadir : I suppose, from a creative standpoint, some characters deserve to die. Ones that lack common sense or even basic survival instinct. Your story's not scary because the characters are making choices the audience wouldn't make. Plus, you need a smarter lead.
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Britta Perry : Jeff, can I have a quick conversation with you?
Jeff Winger : Doubtful, but I support the dream.
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Britta Perry : Is this your test or what?
Jeff Winger : How should I know? It's just a bunch of bubbles.
Annie Edison : Wait! Give me those. Why are the scores on the bottoms of the sheets? They should... Britta, look at the arrow. You ran these through the machine upside-down.
Abed Nadir : She Britta'd it.
Britta Perry : Whatever.
[snatches test sheet]
Britta Perry : I'll run them through again. And you guys are gonna stop using my name to mean, "making a tiny and understandable mistake."
[nearing tears]
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Britta Perry : Do not judge me for my weakness.
Jeff Winger : Stifle your slackened maw, you drained and tainted bitch dog.
Britta Perry : I'm fine with this.
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Jeff Winger : I'm sorry, you were about to get ridiculous?
Britta Perry : Look! One of the tests came back with 70 out of 75 red flags for an extreme personality disorder. Extreme, Jeff!
Jeff Winger : [gasps feigning surprise] Like a dorito?
Britta Perry : A sociopathic dorito. A cool ranch lunatic. Only instead of zest, Jeff, one member of our study group has... homicidal tendencies.
[thunder clap]
Jeff Winger : I think one member of our study group is an overzealous psych major. You probably just Britta'd the test results somehow.
