Principal Skinner: The things you don't know would fill a whole library and leave room for a few pamphlets.
Superintendent Chalmers: There's no need for hyperbole, Seymour.
Superintendent Chalmers: Today, I'm going to be teaching you.
Bart Simpson: Eh. Same garbage, different dumpster.
Superintendent Chalmers: [Opens book to table of U.S. Presidents] I'm sure you know who these guys are.
Bart Simpson: [Points at Washington] Dollar bill guy...
[Points at Lincoln]
Bart Simpson: Five-dollar bill guy...
[Points to Clinton]
Bart Simpson: Sex guy...
[Points to Bush Jr]
Bart Simpson: Will Ferrell...
[Points to Obama]
Bart Simpson: Black guy.
Homer Simpson: Bart, I'm going to ask you about something I read in a magazine. Are you boys in here cyberbullying?
Jimbo Jones: How could we? We're all together, and we're not using computers.
Homer Simpson: Marge, I parented!
Marge Simpson: That's great, honey. Come down for chocolate milk and a brownie.
Homer Simpson: So long, suckers.
Bart Simpson: I've learned a lot today. Now to let TV slowly waste it all away.
Bart Simpson: Of all the films about Teddy Roosevelt, what do you think represents him the best?
Superintendent Chalmers: Night At The Museum, no question.
Bart Simpson: One or two?
Superintendent Chalmers: Either one. You can't go wrong either way.
Homer Simpson: God, I love to watch that woman get beer.
Milhouse: I like how Teddy had asthma as a child, like me.
Dolph: I like how he says "Bully" all the time, and he can really rock a pair of jodhpurs.
Superintendent Chalmers: Boys, the truth is, your school has failed you.
Jimbo Jones: School failed me? Does school have to go to summer Jimbo?
Superintendent Chalmers: Take a good look, boys. He's the canary in the coal mine of our failing education system.
Jimbo Jones: You hear that? You're in my coal mine, bitches!
Lisa Simpson: Bart, what are you doing?
Bart Simpson: Locking the school with the kids inside.
Lisa Simpson: I'm telling mom!
Bart Simpson: Go right ahead. You can use the closet phone.
[locks Lisa in broom closet]
Lisa Simpson: Hello, mom?
Bart Simpson: There really is a closet phone?
[Bart opens door; Lisa is just standing there sticking her tongue out; Bart closes door on her]
Bart Simpson: Real mature.