[Nick suddenly realizes Jess' doctor is an OB-GYN]
Nick Miller: I don't have a vagina.
Sweet Older Woman: You can have mine.
Jess: I heard that, sistah.
Sweet Older Woman: True dat.
Jess: How many ears did Daniel Boone have? He had a left ear, a right ear, and a
[she and Nick both chuckle]
Jess: Frontier. Get it?
Nick Miller: You don't get to speak at my funeral.
Jess: Nick, are you okay?
Nick Miller: No, I'm not okay, Jess! I'm not okay! When I woke up today, I wanted to play a friendly game of touch football. Then I hurt my back, I went to your gynechologist, and now I might have cancer! So no, Jess! I'm not okay!
[sits down alone and sighs]
Schmidt: I don't think this is the right time to bring this up, you guys, but... does anyone else think Nick could stand to lose five to seven pounds?