- Chloe: June, I'm interested in what you're saying. Write it down and put it in a basket by the toilet, I'll get to it when my busy season is over.
- James Van Der Beek: [jittery as he is preparing for father & daughter body-swap role] I've never been a twelve-year-old girl before. I've had tons of twelve-year-old fans, campus stalkers, thousands of dreams where I was one, but I don't know if I can become one.
- June Colburn: [confused about the young 'secretary' in the apartment] Chloe, what's going on?
- Chloe: Oh, June, great news! I thought about what you said about needing to be more responsible, so...
- [traipses over to the 'work desk' of the efficient-looking, obviously well-trained, young girl]
- Chloe: I got an assistant!
- June Colburn: [incredulous] What? How can you afford that?
- Chloe: Oh, it's free! I got a foster child!
- [to the kid:]
- Chloe: Molly, FYI, we have a no flip-flop policy, so I am going to need to see you in a closed-toe shoe. Thank you.
- [the girl agrees, and Chloe beams at June]
- Chloe: It's amazing!
- June Colburn: I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but...
- Chloe: You decided to get a pixie cut?
- June Colburn: What? No!
- Chloe: Oh, thank God! My heart is still racing.
- [grabs June's hand, holds it against her own chest]
- Chloe: Feel that? That's fear!
- June Colburn: Well, what I was gonna tell you, was... Your plant died.
- [shows her the wilted remains]
- Chloe: What plant? I hate plants. I don't have no plant.
- June Colburn: Sure you do! You got one about a month ago.
- Chloe: [flashback, Chloe preening in front of hunky guy selling potted plants at fair] I'm all about the environment. I fancy myself a tree-hugger.
- [doomed plant got bought for the sake of getting noticed]
- June Colburn: Hey, you're home!
- [rushing towards her to surreptitiously get to the real subject unheard]
- June Colburn: This is exactly what I didn't want to happen.
- Chloe: What? You not knowing how to apply eyeliner?
- June Colburn: [wiping off overdone raccoon effect] No. You abandoning Molly. This is just like your goldfish or your plant. As if I didn't have enough to do, you leave me with your kid.
- Chloe: Wow. June, unbelievable. I love how when you're upset, she's my kid. She's your kid too, you know.
- June Colburn: [confused] What?
- Chloe: Oh, I said we were lesbian co-parents.
- [June is dismayed]
- Chloe: Come on, June, you moved in the first day we met.
- [taunting:]
- Chloe: I've bagged me quite the trophy.
- [reaching around her and whacking her playfully on the butt, causing indignated shriek]
- Chloe: Well, now that my busy season is over, I don't need the extra help. Plus, she wasn't a great assistant. I mean, every day between nine and three, I could not get a hold of her.
- June Colburn: She was at school! You can not fire your own daughter!
- Chloe: What up?
- [sighs]
- June Colburn: I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but...
- Chloe: [dismayed] You decided to get a pixie cut?
- [looks utterly distraught]
- June Colburn: What? No.
- Chloe: Oh, thank God!
- [throws her head back in relief]
- Chloe: My heart is still racing.
- [takes June's hand, places it on her chest]
- Chloe: Feel that? That's fear.