Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23 (TV Series)

Pilot (2012)

Dreama Walker: June Colburn

Photos 

Quotes 

• June Colburn : Okay, look, yes, Chloe is screwed up, but, you know, she didn't start off that way. She was a child once, a normal human being before she got seduced by the dark side or whatever. She got this ottoman at a time in her life when she could still care about something. Don't take away the one connection that she has left to her humanity. If you do, then...

  [sighs] 

  June Colburn : ... the crazy bitch might burn this place to the ground.

  Chloe : I like to watch the flames from across the street. It reminds me of Christmas.

• Robin : Are you here for the roommate posting?

  June Colburn : Oh, yes. In fact, I, I...

  Robin : Don't trust the bitch in apartment 23.

• June Colburn : That's right. My roommate slept with my fiancee on by birthday cake. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

• Steven : This your roommate?

  June Colburn : Oh, oh! Yes. That was so rude of me. How could I forget? Everyone, this is Chole. She's the bitch in apartment 23.

  Chloe : [holds up pills]  Anyone wanna get weird and play Mario Kart?

• June Colburn : Living in New York has taught me that life's full of surprises. They can be scary, but if you're open to them, they can also change your life.

• June Colburn : I mean, you saved me from wasting the best years of my life.

  Chloe : Yeah, well, you know, it came at a price. I got a lot of frosting in my crack.

  [June looks at her askew] 

  Chloe : Sorry, I don't know why I brought that up. I think that genuine emotion just sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable.

  [calling out across the bar] 

  Chloe : Bartender, a kamikaze shot!

  [it's handed over] 

  Chloe : Thank you.

  [toasting her new friend] 

  Chloe : Happy birthday!

  June Colburn : [returning the toast]  Yeah!

  Chloe : [standing up to leave]  Come on, let's go home.

  June Colburn : [slurring, as they leave]  Did we pay for those drinks?

  Chloe : [quickening her step, dragging June along]  No. Hard times. Keep walking.

• Chloe : [enters bathroom while June is bathing]  Hey, how'd the job hunting go?

  June Colburn : [dismayed, embarrassed]  Uhm, I'd kind of like to be alone.

  Chloe : Oh. Sorry. Were you masturbating?

  June Colburn : What? No!

  Chloe : Don't worry, I get it. I have a long-standing sexual history with that tub. It's like I'm Jessica Tandy and that tub's Huhm Cronyn. Don't mind me, get your Cronyn on.

  June Colburn : I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean to be rude, but I really...

  Chloe : [flashing an expensive designer purse]  Do you like it? It's Alexander McQueen. I bought it with the extra rent money you gave me.

  June Colburn : [confused]  The extra rent money?

  Chloe : Oh, well, duh, the real rent is way lower than what I told you, so I saved your money, and I bought this purse.

  June Colburn : So, y-you're... you''re saying that you stole from me?

  Chloe : Oh, that's such an ugly word. But, yes, that's exactly what I'm saying.

  [taunting] 

  Chloe : Sue me.