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Oancitizen: Ugh, wow. This is exhausting. This is just session after session after session. But then again, that's pretty much how a prostitute's life must be: just a long series of talking, fucking and leaving. Going through the motions.

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Chelsea: Took a q-tip and he asked me to put it on my vagina.

Oancitizen: Grey, I've seen you drink your own urine, I think you can handle a q-tip. The research I did for this episode was so, SO depressing.

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Oancitizen: Can you imagine her and Soderbergh on set?

[scene cuts; imitating Soderbergh]

Oancitizen: Okay, Sasha, go ahead and act.

Sasha: [high-pitched Trey Parker archive voice] No!

Oancitizen: Sasha, we talked about this, we need you to act here...

Sasha: Want cock!

Oancitizen: You can have cock once you've given us a discernable emotion...

Sasha: Want cock now! Want cock!

Oancitizen: Please...

Sasha: Want cock!

Oancitizen: Sasha. Sasha, I promise you, once we do this scene, we'll all go out and get you a nice cock.

Sasha: Promise?

Oancitizen: Yes, honey, I promise.

[cuts back to Oancitizen in his chair; claps]

Oancitizen: The Sasha-Soderbergh sketch, ladies and gentlemen.

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Oancitizen: [reading Cosmopolitan] "When I'm feeling really frisky, I like to remove his boxers, using just my mouth." Ha, empowerment.

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Oancitizen: [re: Sasha Grey] In general, she's proven to be smarter than the average porn star. Not that there's a high bar or anything.

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Oancitizen: Now you're probably wondering, given Grey's reputation, if she has any nude scenes in this film.

[shows one, with her privates covered]

Oancitizen: Yes, yes she does. That was it. Hope you enjoyed it.

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Chelsea: They want what they want you to be. They want you to be something else.

Oancitizen: Well, Grey, I want you to be an engaging screen presence, or at least be so bad that it is easy to mock you. So far, no such luck.

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Oancitizen: Here we have an independent business woman who is also trying to get money in an unstable economic environment. Ergo, she's struggling because her clientele of rich, lard-ass robber-barons are struggling too. See? This is why we needed to bail out the banks. Think of all the high-class hookers this recession has hurt.

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Oancitizen: Then we go back to the guy who... whoa! Too much mustache!

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Oancitizen: So he's a journalist playing a journalist interviewing a whore playing a whore.

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Oancitizen: A major character in the movie is supposed to be... an internet reviewer? Oh, this has gotten very interesting.

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Oancitizen: [working a sex hotline] You want me to do WHAT with my tie?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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