Oancitizen: Can you imagine her and Soderbergh on set?
[scene cuts; imitating Soderbergh]
Oancitizen: Okay, Sasha, go ahead and act.
Sasha: [high-pitched Trey Parker archive voice] No!
Oancitizen: Sasha, we talked about this, we need you to act here...
Sasha: Want cock!
Oancitizen: You can have cock once you've given us a discernable emotion...
Sasha: Want cock now! Want cock!
Sasha: Want cock!
Oancitizen: Sasha. Sasha, I promise you, once we do this scene, we'll all go out and get you a nice cock.
Oancitizen: Yes, honey, I promise.
[cuts back to Oancitizen in his chair; claps]
Oancitizen: The Sasha-Soderbergh sketch, ladies and gentlemen.
Oancitizen: Ugh, wow. This is exhausting. This is just session after session after session. But then again, that's pretty much how a prostitute's life must be: just a long series of talking, fucking and leaving. Going through the motions.
Chelsea: Took a q-tip and he asked me to put it on my vagina.
Oancitizen: Grey, I've seen you drink your own urine, I think you can handle a q-tip. The research I did for this episode was so, SO depressing.
Oancitizen: [reading Cosmopolitan] "When I'm feeling really frisky, I like to remove his boxers, using just my mouth." Ha, empowerment.
Oancitizen: [re: Sasha Grey] In general, she's proven to be smarter than the average porn star. Not that there's a high bar or anything.
Oancitizen: Now you're probably wondering, given Grey's reputation, if she has any nude scenes in this film.
[shows one, with her privates covered]
Oancitizen: Yes, yes she does. That was it. Hope you enjoyed it.
Chelsea: They want what they want you to be. They want you to be something else.
Oancitizen: Well, Grey, I want you to be an engaging screen presence, or at least be so bad that it is easy to mock you. So far, no such luck.
Oancitizen: Here we have an independent business woman who is also trying to get money in an unstable economic environment. Ergo, she's struggling because her clientele of rich, lard-ass robber-barons are struggling too. See? This is why we needed to bail out the banks. Think of all the high-class hookers this recession has hurt.
Oancitizen: Then we go back to the guy who... whoa! Too much mustache!
Oancitizen: So he's a journalist playing a journalist interviewing a whore playing a whore.
Oancitizen: A major character in the movie is supposed to be... an internet reviewer? Oh, this has gotten very interesting.