Welcome back to "Jersey Shore," which -- naturally -- takes place in Italy. The last time we saw the gang, they were watching Mike hit on Snooki and Pauly make out with Deena. Why this behavior was shocking to anybody, especially Ronnie, is beyond anyone. Anyway, Deena explains that her "plan" is to make out with Pauly until his Italian sausage BLEEEEEEEEEEP. Pauly, meanwhile, worries that Deena will expect something more than just sausage in the morning. "They always end up having some kind of feelings," an annoyed Pauly tells the camera. Life is hard when you're the DJ.
The drunken group then heads back to their apartment, where JWoww looks for a bathroom (a class act, she avoided peeing on the floor of the club ... like last season); Ronnie calls a girl back home named Hannah (Sweetheart ISN'T going to like this); and Deena falls (twice). Shockingly, everybody goes to bed alone, though not by choice. Deena tries to climb into bed with Pauly, but the high-haired DJ feigns sleep.
The next day is Sunday, which means that the gang has to go shopping for Sunday dinner. They head to a nearby market and have much trouble figuring out "what the hell is what" because "you're reading and it's in different words," Deena observes. Back home, Sweetheart volunteers to cook. "I'm a good cook if somebody let me cook something," she tells the camera. So the boys let her cook along with Deena. Well, they get hungry while they're cooking, so the girls head out for a snack. Meanwhile, the dish washer is overflowing and, with dinner half prepared, the boys decide to finish the job.
That really annoys the girls upon their return. Naturally, the boys don't care. Eventually, dinner is finished -- and Snooki wakes up just in time to eat. Later, Snooki calls her boyfriend and Jionni is angry that they haven't talked in an entire day. The Situation takes stock of the situation and decides to offer some relationship advice. "Relationship advice," of course, is hugging Snooki and putting his hands all over her. Nice. The gang then heads out to find the pizza shop where they will all be working. JWoww is very excited: "When I'm 80 years old and I'm making pizza in my kitchen and I'm teaching my kids how to make pizza and they ask me, 'Oh, where'd you make pizza?' Bitch, I made it in Florence, that's where I made pizza. So shut your mouth and enjoy my pizza."
The owner, Marco, tries to teach Snooki how to make pizza and the boys can't resist making a few "hot salami" jokes. Back home, JWoww tries to make coffee, but can't find a grinder. She ends up crushing the beans with what looks like a meat grinder. "Making coffee in Italy is like making coffee in the 1600s," she complains. Soon enough, it's club time. A cute blonde named Brittany from Florida immediately cozies up to The Situation. Meanwhile, Single Ronnie has become Very Drunk Ronnie and admits to JWoww that he is flying Hannah to Italy in a few weeks. JWoww goes out on a very strong limb and predicts that Sweetheart is going to be very, very upset.
It gets worse.
Soon, Ronnie is telling everyone within earshot -- including Sweetheart -- that he had sex with four girls before leaving for Italy ... in three days. "Three days, four girls," Ronnie screams. Vinny is quite proud of Single Ronnie, but warns that he really can't put up with another season of the Ronnie-Sweetheart battles. Later, Deena stumbles home, eventually falling on her face in the entryway to the gang's apartment. Snooki, meanwhile, is very bothered by the fact that The Situation has brought home Brittany. The Situation and Brittany then head to the bedroom. Some very suggestive shot selection and editing later, The Situation suggests to Brittany that it is now time for her to leave. The Situation is a gentleman, though, and calls the lady a taxi. In a totally gross moment, Snooki then begins flirting with a slurring, post-coitus The Situation, who flirts back. Yikes.
The next morning, the gang heads to breakfast (save for Ronnie and Snooki, who remain in bed). The breakfast club advises Sweetheart to stay far, far away from Ronnie. Sweetheart agrees ... for now. That night, The Situation tries to climb into bed and cuddle with Deena. She is kind of freaked out. Indeed, The Situation is ON FIRE this season. During a rooftop lunch the next day, the boys ask The Situation what he was thinking -- and The Situation denies ever being in such a situation. "I don't want you, just so you know," The Situation tells Deena. Ouch. Time to head to the club.
Cue dancing, drinking and Deena falling. "It kind of feels like we're in Jersey again," Vinny says. Sweetheart is particularly intoxicated -- and tries to start a relationship conversation with Ronnie. Wisely, Ronnie wants nothing to do with her ... for now. Back home, The Situation, who failed to take a girl home, calls Brittany. "Brittany is one of the most DTF chicks I've ever met and she'll be here in 20 minutes," a very happy The Situation tells the camera. Meanwhile, smashed Sweetheart begins whispering sweet nothings in Ronnie's ear. "I just want to go into bed with you and cuddle," she says.
Oh boy. Once again, Ronnie denies the request ... for now.