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39 out of 41 people found the following review useful:

Somehow even more ridiculous than its predecessor, but not quite as funny.

Author: Andrew Gold from United States
14 March 2016

I love Machete. The character is incredible, the premise is perfect, literally everything about it just screams B-movie stupidity, and it's insanely awesome. I actually saw this movie before the first Machete so I wasn't sure what to expect, and I laughed until it hurt. Seriously, it was everything I wanted in a silly action movie. Machete Kills is somehow even more ridiculous than the first one, this time with president Charlie Sheen ordering Machete to go after a lunatic nuclear arms dealer played to perfection by Demian Bichir, and Mel Gibson wants to destroy the world and colonize space. Yeah, and you thought De Niro playing George Bush was crazy. Mel Gibson is basically a Bond villain in this movie.

This is another revenge story, except this time it's Machete's love interest Jessica Alba who is killed in front of him. Needless to say when President Sheen asks him to go on this suicide mission, Machete isn't exactly in the best frame of mind. Then again, it's f*cking Danny Trejo, so he's awesome at it anyway. The first half of the movie focuses more on Machete going after this crazy arms dealer, with random villains like Sofia Vergara with machine gun tits coming after him. There's also the shapeshifter El Cameleon played by Cuba Gooding Jr, Lady Gaga, and Antonio Banderas. Literally the best plot device to get as many famous people in a movie as possible. Then Mel kicks in during the second half of the movie and that's where it goes full-on ridiculous mode (in the best way, as if it wasn't ridiculous enough before).

After seeing Machete and Machete Kills back to back, I realize the only thing that makes Machete Kills slightly weaker is that the laughs aren't as consistent. Machete had me on the floor 90 percent of the time. Machete Kills is more like, 70 percent hilarity and 30 percent of jokes that either don't hit or are just repeated to the point of desensitization. Still, when the jokes hit, they are laugh-out-loud funny. There are gags in this movie that make the original Machete look like a documentary. Oh, and Amber Heard is the special agent helping Machete this time, and she tries to do an accent every once in a while and fails miserably, but who cares because she's sex on a stick. That's basically the trend in these movies. You try to analyze something and then think to yourself, "Who cares?" It's so damn entertaining you don't have to think at all. Just lay back and enjoy the gratuitous violence, T&A, and everything else you'd want in a ridiculous action-packed B-movie. I, for one, cannot wait for the sequel.

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47 out of 64 people found the following review useful:

So dumb and over the top.... EXACTLY what i paid for!

Author: theWBohlken from United States
10 November 2013

I am a fan of the first one, I am a fan of Grindhouse and I love over the top movies. Going in to this I knew that it was going to be bloody, cheesy and awesome. It surprised me that this did not do as well as the first one or even close to it. The original was a tad more serious and had some really badass parts while this one was just non stop cheesy and Grindhouse-y.

If you saw the first one, you pretty much know what to expect and what the basic concept is. Just times that times ten and you have Machete Kills. It is just a movie where you sit and don't think about it. Let it all happen and enjoy it. That is, of course, you like action movies where the hero chops every bad guy up and Sofia Vergara with her bra machine gun.

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52 out of 75 people found the following review useful:

Move over, Speedy Gonzales!

Author: BA_Harrison from Hampshire, England
17 December 2013

In Robert Rodriguez's Machete Kills, Danny Trejo's character—deadly Mexican secret agent Machete Cortez—is about as three-dimensional and grounded in realism as a Looney Tunes cartoon character tripping on peyote. For many, this move towards a crazier style with even more unbelievable splatstick violence will be a step too far, the live-action-cartoon style antics exceeding many people's willingness to suspend disbelief. However, those who can find their way safely past this potential stumbling block should have a whale of a time.

Rodriguez directs proceedings with a carefree attitude and sense of fun that I found infectious, with all ideas—no matter how dumb they must have looked on paper—making their way into the final film. Thus, we have a Bond-style baddie in the form of megalomaniac Luther Voz (Mel Gibson), our hero killing numerous henchmen in a variety of creative ways, some innovative sci-fi weaponry, plenty of cool in-jokes for us movie geeks (I loved the visual reference to Mad Max II) and a bevy of lovely latino babes in sexy gear (including Alexa Vega in PVC and Michelle Rodriguez in tight, cleavage enhancing top). Hell, Rodriguez is having so much fun that he doesn't even care about the quality of his CGI, which only adds to the gleefully gaudy vibe.

It all gets very silly, and with the next sequel featuring Machete in space, it's set to get a whole lot sillier; I for one will make sure I've booked my seat for the ride.

7.5 out of 10, rounded up to 8 for being marginally more fun than the first one.

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54 out of 90 people found the following review useful:

Machete kills. That's what he does.

Author: starsandpopcorn ( from Florida
10 October 2013

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

It seems you just can't keep a good Mexican down. That goes for both Danny Trejo's character, Machete, and the Mexican film geek Jesus himself, Robert Rodriguez. Let me start by saying that this is one of the most ridiculous movies I've seen in my entire life, let alone in the last year. The concept itself is absurd, the action is something out of a B-action movie, and the characters play more as preposterous caricatures of established stereotypes than actual people. And I couldn't be more pleased with the results. This is easily the most fun I have had at the movie theater all year.

Machete Kills is the sequel to 2010's Machete. The latter was developed from a 'fake' trailer that preceded 2007's Grindhouse, a collaborative double feature consisting of Rodriguez's Planet Terror and Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof. Using the character Machete from his Spy Kids series, Rodriguez made an amazing trailer for a grindhouse-esque film. When the trailer served to be immensely popular, he created the feature length. Now, three years later, we have the sequel to the movie that almost never was.

What we have here is one of the greatest parody films ever made. It's not a parody on the level of Airplane! or Scary Movie, but this movie is just downright hilarious. It has everything from references to current events (mainly the plight of the Hispanic people and their standing in America's 21st Century) to great quips about the actors' personal lives (Charlie Sheen's President Rathcock is a great spoof of his personal issues and his Martin Sheen's famous role of the president on West Wing) to lampoons of successful franchises. If anything, Machete Kills is the best James Bond satire since Austin Powers. And even with all of this, it somehow manages to hit harder with each joke. We never reach a point where the movie has spread itself too thin.

Robert Rodriguez is a genius. It's that simple. Somehow, more than any other filmmaker, he can spread a tiny budget as far as it can possibly go. He's known for this and has baffled studios for the better part of two decades when he makes amazing films on a paltry budget. Considering the scale of this movie (especially just in the cast), it's amazing that Machete Kills was made with $30 million. The secret is that Rodriguez knows exactly what he wants. He doesn't need to waste money on things he can get done for cheap. For example, the special effects in this film are on par with a SyFy channel movie, like Sharktopus. He knows you're not there to see Avatar level CGI. You want a ridiculous story filled with even more ridiculous characters doing EVEN MORE ridiculous things. This, I believe, is the key to Machete Kills' quality. Every bit of Rodriguez' money and time is put into the most important aspects of the film.

The cast in this film is exquisite. Let's just rattle off every big name in this movie:

Michelle Rodriguez

Danny Trejo

Jessica Alba

Charlie Sheen (or Carlos Estevez)

Sofia Vergara

Cuba Gooding Jr.

Lady GaGa

Antonia Banderas

Demian Bechir

Amber Heard

Vanessa Hudgens

Alexa Vega (or the girl from Spy Kids)

I could easily continue but let's just stop there. And the best part is, not one of these characters is a cameo. Sure, some of them take up just a fraction of the screen time, but each actor plays a memorable character that contributes something worthwhile to the story. That is a feat that needs to be recognized. Few directors could handle a cast this large and of this caliber, and still be able to make each one of them memorable.

I cannot stress this enough. Go see Machete Kills. Gather up your friends and prepare to get rowdy. This is the kind of movie that thrives on a reactive audience. And prepare to have a rip roarin' blast.

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132 out of 248 people found the following review useful:

Best thing at the cinema in years. Ignore the critics!

Author: jimsin from United Kingdom
14 October 2013

I can honestly say that Machete Kills is the most entertaining thing I have seen at the cinema in years, if not ever (and I'm 47).

I enjoyed the first film, but in my eyes this is a rare example of a sequel that eclipses the original. Logic is thrown out the window, and every scene is a kaleidoscopic, hyper-kinetic explosion of humour, violence, machismo, excitement, sex & insanity. All the characters are larger than life and dripping with undiluted cool. The story races along like an out of control juggernaut & the plot twists, turns, spirals & back-flips all over the place, yet somehow the raw energy of the direction holds everything together.

There literally isn't one dull moment. If you're not grinning or shaking your head in amazement from start to finish, then you probably just don't get it, or have become dead inside. The only bad thing I can say about Machete Kills is that real life felt somewhat dull & uninspiring in contrast when we walked out of the cinema.

With this in mind, I was shocked to see that the film has flopped at the box office so far, and has a meagre 6.4 star rating on IMDb. Ignore the critics & go see it at the cinema while you can - this film deserves to be seen as loud & larger than life as the characters within it. Machete Kills is an Oasis in a desert of big budget CGI snoozefests and as such it needs your support. If a third instalment isn't made I'll be crying tears of blood.

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90 out of 168 people found the following review useful:

Love the first one, I wanted to like this, but....

Author: cafesmitty from maryland
12 October 2013

Let me start off by saying love love love the first Machete. I can watch it anytime... This one, not so much. Robert Rodriquez swung for the fences with this one and it missed. Some people will never ever say anything bad about the guy and some will genuinely like it, but to be honest.. it just didn't have that X factor the first Machete did. This time around Machete is more like a super hero. He is sent on a mission to Mexico by the President (excellent choice of casting Charlie Sheen, using his birth name of Carlos Esteves). But other than that, (and of course Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriquez), the rest of the cast just didn't fit. The schizo Mexican revolutionary didn't fit, Cuba was completely out of place, wasn't really feeling Lady Gaga or Amber Heard (even though she is gorgeous) and the gorgeous Sophia Vegara was just a little too manic. But it really wasn't that.. the film just was kind of flat, even the action scenes weren't clicking. Maybe because they gave away too much in the previews. Maybe its because they made Machete inhuman.. All I know is that when I was in the theater, 3 people around me fell asleep and 4 people walked out a hour after the film started... AND it wasn't that many people in the theater. Gosh I wanted it to be so much better.. This is a rental, at best

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16 out of 24 people found the following review useful:


Author: tamecenobite
12 May 2014

There are many motion pictures that one might call a movie with a cast of actors. Machete Kills, however, is a film in which thespians truly explore the depths of humanity in this gift to humanity. Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriguez reprise their timeless roles for this film, and they are joined by acting legends Amber Heard, Carlos Estevez, and Lady Gaga; along with lesser know but talented none the less actors such as Mel Gibson (whom you may remember for his part in a lesser known indie movie about a Scottish folk hero).

I shan't spoil this film, to do so would be a grave injustice. But what I can tell you is that this movie is transcendent. The plot is highly cerebral, though the action allows for even those who may have trouble following such a masterpiece to enjoy this wonderment.

If you enjoyed the first Machete film, you are truly in for a treat. If you have yet to see this film, I am jealous of you in that I can never again view this artistic masterpiece for the first time again, but the magic shall entertain for years to come.

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12 out of 20 people found the following review useful:

"Machete don't fail" the fans (and fans only) in "Machete Kills"

Author: youjusz-900-80067 from United States
24 January 2014

The story of Machete, a tough Mexican vigilante "out to settle the score" has been a long one. On the set of his movie "Desperado," Robert Rodriguez was introduced to his cousin, Danny Trejo, who had a role as a hit-man in the film. The writer/director was inspired by the actor's physical appearance and so he created the character of Machete. The idea for a full feature film was given some time. In 2007, Rodriguez and his friend Quentin Tarantino created "Grindhouse," a double-feature film meant to pay tribute to and spoof the cheap American films of the 1960s and the 1970s. A Rodriguez-made fake trailer for "Machete," which featured Trejo in the titular role as a man going out against the people who double-crossed him, was a part of the project. The trailer, however, received much interest from the fans, and so in 2010, Rodriguez finally made his vision come true in the full feature film. Now, Machete cuts his way back to the audience...

Literally moments after a traumatic experience, Machete (Trejo) is recruited by the President of the United States, Rathcock (portrayed by Charlie Sheen, credited with his original name, Carlos Estevez). Machete's mission is to go to Mexico and find Mendez "The Madman" (Damien Bichir), a revolutionary suffering from multiple personality disorder. "The Madman" threatens to launch a missile at Washington. Upon arrival in his homeland, Machete discovers that things are much more complicated and what he was told to do might be just a part of what he is going to have to do, as he is followed by hit men, drug cartels, a "men-despising" Madame Desdemona (Sofia Vergara) and her prostitutes, and many other individuals. It all will eventually lead him, however, to Luther Voz (Mel Gibson), whose actions may have serious consequences not just for Mexico or the United States, but for the entire world...

Machete Kills is a corny, action- and humor-packed, fun film - just what it is meant to be. The movie, just like about every one of Rodriguez's works, is not supposed to be taken seriously. The feature starts by making up for Machete's biggest deficit - a fake (?) trailer for the next installment in the franchise, Machete Kills Again... in Space. The trailer supposedly features Leonardo DiCaprio and Justin Bieber and is a clear spoof of Star Wars. But that's not even two minutes of craziness - and it gets so much crazier after that.

There are, naturally, many references to pop culture. The trailer at the beginning and many scenes from the final act are throwbacks to Star Wars. Other references may include the ones to Mad Max, or Moonraker. There are also tons of references to the previous films of Rodriguez, such as Desperado, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, From Dusk till Dawn, Planet Terror (the director's segment of Grindhouse) and obviously the first Machete. All of these provide for a great time for anyone who likes the films to which the references are made, and certainly a treat to all fans of Robert Rodriguez.

The acting, when it's not purposefully bad, is outstanding. Damien Bichir and Mel Gibson deserve a mention as the film's most prominent villains. Both of the actors appear to have had a great time on the set and portray their characters with much energy and distance. And of course, Danny Trejo as the Mexican not to be messed with, pulls off his character perfectly.

Although the script was written by Kyle Ward (based on Rodriguez's story) rather than Rodriguez himself, due to the tone and the humor of it, it feels completely like Rodriguez's work. The director, as usually, was involved in many other aspects of filmmaking, such as production, composing the score (which is, as always in his works, fitting and memorable), editing, etc.

Overall, Machete Kills is a fun exploitation film. It's more intentionally ridiculous, funnier and more "grindhouse-y" than its predecessor. It is certainly not for everyone, but Robert Rodriguez's fans should have a blast. Being one of them, I definitely hope that "Machete Kills Again... in Space" will see the light of day. And then, maybe, "Machete Continues to Kill," "Machete Still Kills," "Machete Kills Some More" and "Machete Retires from Killing... to Kill All Over Again"? We'll see, but as long as Rodriguez and Trejo are game, so am I.

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13 out of 23 people found the following review useful:

Actually a bit too ridiculously over the top

Author: p-jonsson from France
9 February 2014

I wonder what drugs Rodriguez was on when he wrote this movie but he must have been under the influence of something since it is even more weird and insanely violent than his usual concoctions. What is worse it that it really is somewhat incoherent, like ideas for scenes was just strung together with no real concern for the overall picture.

I did like the movie as a two-hour distraction from reality and I had quite a few laughs at the ludicrously violent scenes. Unfortunately some of them made me squirm in my seat because the where not really funny-violent but just silly-violent.

Charlie Sheen as a president was a real really poor choice of actor. Mel Gibson as Voz was better and I have to confess that I do like Michelle Rodriguez. Lady Gaga? Well, "bof" as the French say.

Machete himself, which to me was one of the main reasons for watching the movie, was also a bit of a disappointment. He walked through the movie like he was just bored being on the set. There was never any real spark.

At the end of the movie I have to say that I felt a little disappointed. As I wrote, I did like it but it never reached the levels of enjoyment that I hoped for.

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27 out of 51 people found the following review useful:

Ultra Cheesy! Viva Machete!

Author: westside-surfer from Okinawa, Japan
20 December 2013

First off, there's some really butt-hurt movie watchers whining about Machete kicking too much ass. Well, Machete don't act for butt-hurt nerds! Man, there was blood, guts, exploding heads, hot babes, and GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! Everything you need for an awesome movie night with friends who actually have a sense of humor. Yes, this is a get stoned to the bone flick. Look, if you're into Grind House, disregard all the negative hater reviews on here. I put this one up there with the cheesiest of classic kung-fu movies. This is a movie that's all about having fun. It's a living breathing cartoon with buckets of violence. Don't forget the munchies, maaaaaaaan.

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