Machete Kills (2013) Poster


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Somehow even more ridiculous than its predecessor, but not quite as funny.
Andrew Gold14 March 2016
I love Machete. The character is incredible, the premise is perfect, literally everything about it just screams B-movie stupidity, and it's insanely awesome. I actually saw this movie before the first Machete so I wasn't sure what to expect, and I laughed until it hurt. Seriously, it was everything I wanted in a silly action movie. Machete Kills is somehow even more ridiculous than the first one, this time with president Charlie Sheen ordering Machete to go after a lunatic nuclear arms dealer played to perfection by Demian Bichir, and Mel Gibson wants to destroy the world and colonize space. Yeah, and you thought De Niro playing George Bush was crazy. Mel Gibson is basically a Bond villain in this movie.

This is another revenge story, except this time it's Machete's love interest Jessica Alba who is killed in front of him. Needless to say when President Sheen asks him to go on this suicide mission, Machete isn't exactly in the best frame of mind. Then again, it's f*cking Danny Trejo, so he's awesome at it anyway. The first half of the movie focuses more on Machete going after this crazy arms dealer, with random villains like Sofia Vergara with machine gun tits coming after him. There's also the shapeshifter El Cameleon played by Cuba Gooding Jr, Lady Gaga, and Antonio Banderas. Literally the best plot device to get as many famous people in a movie as possible. Then Mel kicks in during the second half of the movie and that's where it goes full-on ridiculous mode (in the best way, as if it wasn't ridiculous enough before).

After seeing Machete and Machete Kills back to back, I realize the only thing that makes Machete Kills slightly weaker is that the laughs aren't as consistent. Machete had me on the floor 90 percent of the time. Machete Kills is more like, 70 percent hilarity and 30 percent of jokes that either don't hit or are just repeated to the point of desensitization. Still, when the jokes hit, they are laugh-out-loud funny. There are gags in this movie that make the original Machete look like a documentary. Oh, and Amber Heard is the special agent helping Machete this time, and she tries to do an accent every once in a while and fails miserably, but who cares because she's sex on a stick. That's basically the trend in these movies. You try to analyze something and then think to yourself, "Who cares?" It's so damn entertaining you don't have to think at all. Just lay back and enjoy the gratuitous violence, T&A, and everything else you'd want in a ridiculous action-packed B-movie. I, for one, cannot wait for the sequel.
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So dumb and over the top.... EXACTLY what i paid for!
theWBohlken10 November 2013
I am a fan of the first one, I am a fan of Grindhouse and I love over the top movies. Going in to this I knew that it was going to be bloody, cheesy and awesome. It surprised me that this did not do as well as the first one or even close to it. The original was a tad more serious and had some really badass parts while this one was just non stop cheesy and Grindhouse-y.

If you saw the first one, you pretty much know what to expect and what the basic concept is. Just times that times ten and you have Machete Kills. It is just a movie where you sit and don't think about it. Let it all happen and enjoy it. That is, of course, you like action movies where the hero chops every bad guy up and Sofia Vergara with her bra machine gun.
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Move over, Speedy Gonzales!
BA_Harrison17 December 2013
In Robert Rodriguez's Machete Kills, Danny Trejo's character—deadly Mexican secret agent Machete Cortez—is about as three-dimensional and grounded in realism as a Looney Tunes cartoon character tripping on peyote. For many, this move towards a crazier style with even more unbelievable splatstick violence will be a step too far, the live-action-cartoon style antics exceeding many people's willingness to suspend disbelief. However, those who can find their way safely past this potential stumbling block should have a whale of a time.

Rodriguez directs proceedings with a carefree attitude and sense of fun that I found infectious, with all ideas—no matter how dumb they must have looked on paper—making their way into the final film. Thus, we have a Bond-style baddie in the form of megalomaniac Luther Voz (Mel Gibson), our hero killing numerous henchmen in a variety of creative ways, some innovative sci-fi weaponry, plenty of cool in-jokes for us movie geeks (I loved the visual reference to Mad Max II) and a bevy of lovely latino babes in sexy gear (including Alexa Vega in PVC and Michelle Rodriguez in tight, cleavage enhancing top). Hell, Rodriguez is having so much fun that he doesn't even care about the quality of his CGI, which only adds to the gleefully gaudy vibe.

It all gets very silly, and with the next sequel featuring Machete in space, it's set to get a whole lot sillier; I for one will make sure I've booked my seat for the ride.

7.5 out of 10, rounded up to 8 for being marginally more fun than the first one.
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Machete kills. That's what he does.
starsandpopcorn10 October 2013
Warning: Spoilers
It seems you just can't keep a good Mexican down. That goes for both Danny Trejo's character, Machete, and the Mexican film geek Jesus himself, Robert Rodriguez. Let me start by saying that this is one of the most ridiculous movies I've seen in my entire life, let alone in the last year. The concept itself is absurd, the action is something out of a B-action movie, and the characters play more as preposterous caricatures of established stereotypes than actual people. And I couldn't be more pleased with the results. This is easily the most fun I have had at the movie theater all year.

Machete Kills is the sequel to 2010's Machete. The latter was developed from a 'fake' trailer that preceded 2007's Grindhouse, a collaborative double feature consisting of Rodriguez's Planet Terror and Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof. Using the character Machete from his Spy Kids series, Rodriguez made an amazing trailer for a grindhouse-esque film. When the trailer served to be immensely popular, he created the feature length. Now, three years later, we have the sequel to the movie that almost never was.

What we have here is one of the greatest parody films ever made. It's not a parody on the level of Airplane! or Scary Movie, but this movie is just downright hilarious. It has everything from references to current events (mainly the plight of the Hispanic people and their standing in America's 21st Century) to great quips about the actors' personal lives (Charlie Sheen's President Rathcock is a great spoof of his personal issues and his Martin Sheen's famous role of the president on West Wing) to lampoons of successful franchises. If anything, Machete Kills is the best James Bond satire since Austin Powers. And even with all of this, it somehow manages to hit harder with each joke. We never reach a point where the movie has spread itself too thin.

Robert Rodriguez is a genius. It's that simple. Somehow, more than any other filmmaker, he can spread a tiny budget as far as it can possibly go. He's known for this and has baffled studios for the better part of two decades when he makes amazing films on a paltry budget. Considering the scale of this movie (especially just in the cast), it's amazing that Machete Kills was made with $30 million. The secret is that Rodriguez knows exactly what he wants. He doesn't need to waste money on things he can get done for cheap. For example, the special effects in this film are on par with a SyFy channel movie, like Sharktopus. He knows you're not there to see Avatar level CGI. You want a ridiculous story filled with even more ridiculous characters doing EVEN MORE ridiculous things. This, I believe, is the key to Machete Kills' quality. Every bit of Rodriguez' money and time is put into the most important aspects of the film.

The cast in this film is exquisite. Let's just rattle off every big name in this movie:

Michelle Rodriguez

Danny Trejo

Jessica Alba

Charlie Sheen (or Carlos Estevez)

Sofia Vergara

Cuba Gooding Jr.

Lady GaGa

Antonia Banderas

Demian Bechir

Amber Heard

Vanessa Hudgens

Alexa Vega (or the girl from Spy Kids)

I could easily continue but let's just stop there. And the best part is, not one of these characters is a cameo. Sure, some of them take up just a fraction of the screen time, but each actor plays a memorable character that contributes something worthwhile to the story. That is a feat that needs to be recognized. Few directors could handle a cast this large and of this caliber, and still be able to make each one of them memorable.

I cannot stress this enough. Go see Machete Kills. Gather up your friends and prepare to get rowdy. This is the kind of movie that thrives on a reactive audience. And prepare to have a rip roarin' blast.
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Best thing at the cinema in years. Ignore the critics!
jimsin14 October 2013
I can honestly say that Machete Kills is the most entertaining thing I have seen at the cinema in years, if not ever (and I'm 47).

I enjoyed the first film, but in my eyes this is a rare example of a sequel that eclipses the original. Logic is thrown out the window, and every scene is a kaleidoscopic, hyper-kinetic explosion of humour, violence, machismo, excitement, sex & insanity. All the characters are larger than life and dripping with undiluted cool. The story races along like an out of control juggernaut & the plot twists, turns, spirals & back-flips all over the place, yet somehow the raw energy of the direction holds everything together.

There literally isn't one dull moment. If you're not grinning or shaking your head in amazement from start to finish, then you probably just don't get it, or have become dead inside. The only bad thing I can say about Machete Kills is that real life felt somewhat dull & uninspiring in contrast when we walked out of the cinema.

With this in mind, I was shocked to see that the film has flopped at the box office so far, and has a meagre 6.4 star rating on IMDb. Ignore the critics & go see it at the cinema while you can - this film deserves to be seen as loud & larger than life as the characters within it. Machete Kills is an Oasis in a desert of big budget CGI snoozefests and as such it needs your support. If a third instalment isn't made I'll be crying tears of blood.
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Love the first one, I wanted to like this, but....
cafesmitty12 October 2013
Let me start off by saying love love love the first Machete. I can watch it anytime... This one, not so much. Robert Rodriquez swung for the fences with this one and it missed. Some people will never ever say anything bad about the guy and some will genuinely like it, but to be honest.. it just didn't have that X factor the first Machete did. This time around Machete is more like a super hero. He is sent on a mission to Mexico by the President (excellent choice of casting Charlie Sheen, using his birth name of Carlos Esteves). But other than that, (and of course Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriquez), the rest of the cast just didn't fit. The schizo Mexican revolutionary didn't fit, Cuba was completely out of place, wasn't really feeling Lady Gaga or Amber Heard (even though she is gorgeous) and the gorgeous Sophia Vegara was just a little too manic. But it really wasn't that.. the film just was kind of flat, even the action scenes weren't clicking. Maybe because they gave away too much in the previews. Maybe its because they made Machete inhuman.. All I know is that when I was in the theater, 3 people around me fell asleep and 4 people walked out a hour after the film started... AND it wasn't that many people in the theater. Gosh I wanted it to be so much better.. This is a rental, at best
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Haven't walked out of a movie in years until now.
Robborg200328 October 2013
Warning: Spoilers
I just wanted to tell people about the AWFUL "Machete Kills." I did really enjoy the first film and it had some impressive visual gags, creative kills and was fun to watch.

Then came this absolute piece of CRAP. There were 4 people in the cinema, and I did not hear one laugh the entire film (The trailer for "Bad Grandpa" got more laughs).

Ill point out some terrible points about the movie. Machete goes from one fight scene to the next with virtually a different cameo actor in each scene (After about an hour your begging for it to end). The scenes are boring, uncreative and mainly repetitive.

After about 85 minutes through the movie (where it clearly should have ended) I got out my phone and found out the film still had a good half an hour left.

Both myself and my friend left the cinema. It wasn't because of the cheesy violence, its because it was downright boring.
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Oh, Wow! Just Wow!
dayspring-297-89658714 October 2013
Well, I was expecting something on the line of the first movie. Nope. If that is what you want, don't go. Even with the big-name cast, there isn't anything here to redeem it for lovers of a a good (or even average)dramatic movie. However, if you want a great comedy.....

What this movie is, and what some reviewers don't seem to get, is a complete spoof. This is a deliberately over-the-top attempt at creating a classic B-movie. Or if you've ever watched Hispanic TV, with all the poor over-acting and outrageous situations...that's what this is. This is not geared to someone who wants a great movie, but to someone who simply wants to laugh at poor film-making.

It is an extremely violent and graphic movie, but you don't really notice or care, because of how funny the poor acting is. And how so many people with automatic weapons, can miss so many targets standing in the open only feet away....well, that's what this kind of movie is all about.

Personally, I'm sorry I wasted the money on a ticket. But when it comes out on DVD, and you want a mindless night of poor B-movies, this might fit the bill.
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tamecenobite12 May 2014
There are many motion pictures that one might call a movie with a cast of actors. Machete Kills, however, is a film in which thespians truly explore the depths of humanity in this gift to humanity. Danny Trejo and Michelle Rodriguez reprise their timeless roles for this film, and they are joined by acting legends Amber Heard, Carlos Estevez, and Lady Gaga; along with lesser know but talented none the less actors such as Mel Gibson (whom you may remember for his part in a lesser known indie movie about a Scottish folk hero).

I shan't spoil this film, to do so would be a grave injustice. But what I can tell you is that this movie is transcendent. The plot is highly cerebral, though the action allows for even those who may have trouble following such a masterpiece to enjoy this wonderment.

If you enjoyed the first Machete film, you are truly in for a treat. If you have yet to see this film, I am jealous of you in that I can never again view this artistic masterpiece for the first time again, but the magic shall entertain for years to come.
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A total disaster
zainaldeen-ali12 October 2013
Warning: Spoilers
This film was one of the most awful, disgusting and unprofessional movies I've ever watch in my entire life. Like if you were watching kids movies but kids movies are way better.

Having these famous actors made me think it would be a great movie, however, it was totally the other way around.

I would never go to a movie just because of a famous actor.

The unrealistic actions that went throughout the films was seriously ridiculous.

The combinations of action and thrill are wrongly mixed up in this film.

I was extremely disappointed.
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A bad imitation, not a parody, of a genre that was already crazy to begin with
Likes_Ninjas9019 October 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Machete Kills' one redeeming, clever moment is ironically a teaser trailer that opens the film, previewing Machete Kills Again...In Space!, the third unreleased sequel that will be set in space. Unlike the main feature, the trailer is short, punchy and very funny. It acknowledges and embraces the ridiculousness of the series and its own shoddiness. Comparatively, Machete Kills is a long, bloated, unfunny cash grab, lazily cobbled together to bridge itself towards another sequel. Its existence is hard proof that the evolution of this knucklehead series, beginning as a fake trailer in the Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodrigeuz Grindhouse collaboration, was merely bad science.

The project granted action star Danny Trejo a new 80s style action vehicle to work in, playing a Mexican Federal Agent who is mythical and near indestructible. The gimmick of seeing Trejo on screen again hasn't so much worn off but dropped dead. This sequel is lethargic and tedious. It's weighed down by dull scenes of exposition and repetitive battles where the main character is never in any danger. Worse is the plethora of star names that do not phone in their work but simply appear. The result is a film that sets its ambitions deliberately low, proud and stupid, but even on that level Machete Kills can't satisfy and ends up being an interminable bore.

The director Robert Rodriguez started his career with the impressive feat of making the action film El Mariachi for just seven thousand dollars. He also took test medical drugs to fund his short films. The problem is that he's never left El Mariachi behind. All his films, outside of the kids movies he's made, have tried to duplicate the same manic gunplay. His most interesting film is Sin City because it origins perfectly suited Rodriguez already comic stylisations. Despite being best friends with Quentin Tarantino though, Rodriguez is yet to challenge his audience with anything more than hyper-stylised cartoon violence.

If the direction here is any indication, Rodriguez would rather be elsewhere. The dialogue sequences are long and poorly controlled. Machete (Trejo) has no personality and very few lines. Characters speak over him with boring monologues of exposition, lumping down the next phase of the plot. There are no jokes to lighten the burden of information. Consider this scene: Charlie Sheen (credited as Carlos Estevez) features as the American President who briefs Machete on his mission. The casting is the gag but there are no jokes to support it. Where is the punch line? There is also an unforgivable sloppiness to the film's editing too. The film jumps between sequences as though scenes were removed and they thought no one would notice. One moment Machete is on top of a car at night but then wakes up in the desert during the day. A countdown clock for a bomb leaps three hours in the space of one helicopter ride.

The plot is a meaningless, disjointed exercise in finding different ways to kill henchmen. Machete is asked to stop a schizophrenic lunatic named Mendez the Madman (Demian Bichir) from launching a missile into the US. Mendez has a device inserted into his chest so that if he dies the rocket will launch anyway. Machete is pursued by an assassin called The Chameleon who keeps changing faces, and is played by Cuba Gooding Jr., Antonio Banderas and Lady Gaga, who make little impression beyond small cameos. Machete's allies are Miss San Antonio (Amber Heard), an undercover agent and beauty queen and Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), who has lost one of her eyes. The strangest inclusions are shared between Mel Gibson as a madman named Voz, who is a Star Wars fan, and Sofia Vergara as a dominatrix. It all ends so abruptly and anticlimactically that you'll wonder why you bothered.

Rodriguez's only interests seem to be in balancing casual, juvenile sexism against an execution gallery. When the female characters aren't dressed down, people are shot, cut in half, sliced up by helicopter blades, burnt, stabbed and any other form of decapitation you can think of. Some of this is disturbing and ill-timed in the wake of real life gun violence. Other moments are tensionless, like seeing Machete shot to blazes, only to return injury free in the next scene. The more ludicrous elements, like the girl with the machine gun breastplates, are dismissed with a shrug of seen-it-all-before. Remember the girl in Planet Terror with the prosthetic leg that doubled as an assault weapon? That's Machete Kills overall: a bad imitation, not a parody, of a genre that was already crazy to begin with. Now it's just lazy and unnecessary.
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Ultra Cheesy! Viva Machete!
westside-surfer20 December 2013
First off, there's some really butt-hurt movie watchers whining about Machete kicking too much ass. Well, Machete don't act for butt-hurt nerds! Man, there was blood, guts, exploding heads, hot babes, and GUNS! GUNS! GUNS! Everything you need for an awesome movie night with friends who actually have a sense of humor. Yes, this is a get stoned to the bone flick. Look, if you're into Grind House, disregard all the negative hater reviews on here. I put this one up there with the cheesiest of classic kung-fu movies. This is a movie that's all about having fun. It's a living breathing cartoon with buckets of violence. Don't forget the munchies, maaaaaaaan.
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Wanted to like it
huntclan12 October 2013
Warning: Spoilers
I've read both good and bad reviews of this movie and I was still excited to see it. Most negative reviews pointed the distance from the original this movie took while the good enjoyed the exaggerated killings and the silliness of the entire movie.

What I didn't understand is what made the original so good. Now I know. Just like a joke needs a little truth in it to be funny a movie needs to take itself a little serious, at least at some point. This movie doesn't respect itself enough to even end.

There were a couple parts that were funny and "I got the humor." It was just insulting to watch. I gave it 3 stars for the humor and would have given it 2 more had it not ended sooo badly. It is a prequel, to spoil the movie for you (I did check that this contained spoilers).

The acting was good and the film was of high quality. Since I was expecting it to be Over-The-Top, I won't complain about it. If it was done a little more sparingly I think it would have been better. But I couldn't help feel I was cheated for watching this movie. I stayed an extra 5 minutes after the movie ended to try and get my money's worth from the theater.
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Loved the Original, Hated the Sequel!
Nitro Rino11 October 2013
Wow...that sucked! Quite disappointed, as I was expecting something along the lines of the first Machete, but instead had to sit through this boring compilation of killings and poor acting.

Don't get me wrong, I love these type of movies and I really enjoyed the first Machete! However when it comes to the was really bad, there's no way around it. One would think a movie that puts in so many recognizable faces would be more entertaining to watch than a crawling snail. The dialogues were arduous to listen to and even more so to wait for them to finish, jokes were really flat that couldn't even put a smirk on my face and the whole story was utterly slow and predictable.

I sincerely urge you not to waste your time on this.
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Machete Kills will kill you with boredom.
demetriocoffman11 October 2013
Machete Kills is nothing compared to the first flick. Danny Trejo is joined by more cameo appearances that Hollywood Squares game show. The characters portrayed by the big stars are not matched up to make them half way believable. Charlie Sheen as the President of the U.S. is like a TV sitcom and Sophia Vergara screeching through the sound system almost makes you want to plug your ears. There are too many serious dialogues between nutty characters in this action comedy. The first Machete was uniquely funny with the movie watcher waiting for the next scene to scream laughing. This flick has you nodding off between scenes and has you wondering how much each actor got paid for their second rate performances.
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Actually a bit too ridiculously over the top
Dark Jedi9 February 2014
I wonder what drugs Rodriguez was on when he wrote this movie but he must have been under the influence of something since it is even more weird and insanely violent than his usual concoctions. What is worse it that it really is somewhat incoherent, like ideas for scenes was just strung together with no real concern for the overall picture.

I did like the movie as a two-hour distraction from reality and I had quite a few laughs at the ludicrously violent scenes. Unfortunately some of them made me squirm in my seat because the where not really funny-violent but just silly-violent.

Charlie Sheen as a president was a real really poor choice of actor. Mel Gibson as Voz was better and I have to confess that I do like Michelle Rodriguez. Lady Gaga? Well, "bof" as the French say.

Machete himself, which to me was one of the main reasons for watching the movie, was also a bit of a disappointment. He walked through the movie like he was just bored being on the set. There was never any real spark.

At the end of the movie I have to say that I felt a little disappointed. As I wrote, I did like it but it never reached the levels of enjoyment that I hoped for.
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Really 6 out of 10??!!
Filmaniac1234 December 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Can't believe its rating of 6 out of 10, this movie is utter rubbish.

There are a lot of mixed reviews, as I suspect someone are paid for writing good reviews on poor titles.

The movie simply sucks. The story was really poor and make no sense whatsoever. The acting is well below average - you can imagine with such cast they are probably paid peanuts to perform, so no wonder the "stars" aren't interested at all.

If I knew it was so bad beforehand I would rather watch Coronation Street.

I gave it a 2 purely for 2 reasons :- 1. the cast 2. Amber Heard (beautiful and hot)
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A Slice of Cinamatic Torture
cultfilmfreaksdotcom13 October 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Director Robert Rodriguez, who, along with Quentin Tarantino in other projects, revamps exploitation cinema to younger audiences while rekindling the drive-in genre for older folks, really wants Danny Trejo, the muscular Latino tough guy usually cast as villains or henchman/side characters, to be a big star… In fact, MACHETE KILLS is the second attempt… Trejo plays Machete Cortez, a Mexican police officer turned lethal spy wielding the titular weapon. He can never bite the dust and is more Jason Voorhees from Friday THE 13th than a worthy, vulnerable action hero protagonist...

Without fearing death, and from being able to survive just about everything thrown his way, we're stuck with a grimacing "wraith" ambling from one dire situation to the next and, being fully aware he simply cannot be stopped, any and all suspense is gone… Not only that, but Machete's not even the main character… Well not really…

Saddled with a thoroughly annoying Mexico agent turned bad guy with a bomb strapped to his heart, there's so much vapidly rambling/wannabe Tarantino dialogue that Machete gets lost in the mix… He stands around with a dull scowl as a plethora of banal characters take over, from sexy sirens to a face-altering hit man/woman...

Added to that is Mel Gibson's completely unoriginal world-dominating villain Luther Voz, who has the same ultimate plan as the James Bond MOONRAKER heavy – destroy the earth with a nuclear bomb, rocket into space with a group of pretty people to create a new, perfect world with him as ruler… What really makes MACHETE KILLS so tediously awful is the over-abundance of characters being shot and killed in a matter of seconds. Several folks actually have a speck of potential and are gunned down before being fully realized...

Meanwhile, scores of innocent bystanders are pointlessly slaughtered, an obvious attempt to thrill a targeted cult audience that, whether it's clear to Robert Rodriquez or not, yearns for an intentionally bad "b-movie" that, like the ones we grew up on, had an actual plot to follow and worthy characters, real enough to root for.
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And the line is crossed...
Robert W.1 November 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Grindhouse was a brilliant feat of movie making. It was the ultimate throwback and gave Robert Rodriguez reason to spin off Machete which was an okay follow up. I mean, Machete as a concept is pretty easy because it throws all sensibility, plot and realism straight out the window. Machete can't have plot holes because it doesn't ever have to make sense. The first film was a fun ridiculous ride but to take it any further would have been foolish. Well he did and it was. Any even remotely sensible ideas behind Machete are completely destroyed for Machete Kills. Rodriguez doesn't even try for this to make sense. He is like a drunken madman/silly teenager running around going..."oh hey, you know what would be cool?" There are a few mildly entertaining moments and there are actually a couple of good performances (one big surprise I was particularly pleased with) but most of it was simply too much. Laser guns, a completely silly plot that was simply in place to lead into his next Machete film and get him into space...(Seriously?) and it just wasn't as much fun as Grindhouse or even the first film.

Danny Trejo is a B-Movie legend. Most of his fluff ends up straight to video but you gotta give him credit for owning this genre. He does alright bringing Machete back to the big screen and he does have some good lines. Unfortunately, the character isn't given any more direction than before so it feels flat and silly. Amber Heard is one of the better performances in the film. She is appropriately campy and villainous (and gorgeous but that's besides the point.) She holds her own in a smaller role. Michelle Rodriguez returns to her role from the first one and does alright but Rodriguez tends to always be Rodriquez. I was waiting for an epic cat fight between her and Heard and they do have a few sparring of words and a decent fight but far from epic. Sofía Vergara joins the cast as an insane madame with a myriad of genital weapons. She is also appropriately over the top but unfortunately she gets old quick and starts to become more annoying than fun. The two best actual performances in the movie are by our main villains. Demian Bichir did a solid legitimate job as a villainous Mexican mobster. He could have actually been in a more serious film Desperado type. I am the last of the die hard Mel Gibson fans. I remember when he was top notch and I think he still has it in him. I was doubtful this would be much of anything considering he shot the entire role in a week but I was wrong. He was actually terrific as Voz. He seemed like he was more in control and less frantic as he has been lately (Get The Gringo for instance.) He handles the ridiculousness of his role perfectly and is reminiscent of a great spoof movie villain. I was so pleased to see him doing so well especially in a almost terrible movie. Watch for enjoyable but mostly forgettable cameos by Lady Gaga (she did well in a very small role), Cuba Gooding Jr., Antonio Banderas and Walter Coggins.

There is no denying that Robert Rodriguez has style and I think he's a very talented writer and director. I just don't think he took enough time with this or he got completely carried away which is more likely. He was so excited that enough people enjoyed Machete that he could make one or two more silly sequels. Machete is ridiculous and it is meant to be silly and bad but this one wasn't made with any degree of thought behind it. The first Machete had some promise but this was a huge slip save for a few performances. It doesn't even capture the exploitation films that it tries to spoof. It is unfortunately forgettable. 4/10
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Bad Sequel
billcr1217 November 2013
This is a poorly written sequel to the original Machete, which, at least had a cohesive storyline. Rodriguez must have been high when he scripted this film. The only redeeming feature is Charlie Sheen; here billed as Carlos Estevez, as the whacked out president of the U.S. His moments are too few, however, and cannot save this mess. Danny Trejo is good as Machete, and Mel Gibson shows up as a James Bond like Dr. Evil nemesis. Michelle Rodriguez is back, as is Jessica Alba; but they are given little to do. Several badly staged gun battles fill up the screen and I was extremely disappointed, especially given my positive review of the first movie.
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re: John Baggs' "review"
Richard-Noggin11 October 2013
1. "Poor acting, poor dialogue, even worse actors. I didn't see the first one and will not see this one either." - DUH. This is what happens when one segment of society is bound and determined to shrink government so small that it can be drowned in a bathtub; things tend to get a bit, shall we say, dumbed-down.

2. "People who actually pay money to see these films are as brain-dead as the writer, director and producers of these films." - This, written about people who make a great living producing movies... written by someone who, based on the text of his review, probably has yet to achieve one accomplishment of note that even remotely compares to the production of just one movie.

3. "These remind me of the old Blacksploitation films in the 70s, only they are considerable lower budget and lower class." - Again, DUH. Uh, that was kind of the point, John Baggs. These movies are an HOMAGE (do the google) to 70s grindhouse and blacksploitation movies. The excessive scratching on the film stock? Intentional, to give the movie the "feel" of a 70s grindhouse/exploitation film. There are many other things in the movie that directly pay homage to the 70s films, and you can find these elements in many Rodriguez and Tarantino films. Since it reminded you of a 70s blacksploitation movie, I would say "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED", and not "lower budget, lower class", etcetera.

4. "Honestly I can't think of a single good thing to say about it." - Since you didn't see EITHER of the Machete movies, yet insisted on commenting about them, I am not surprised that you are unable to say anything good about them. Generally, to develop an opinion (that matters), one must EXPERIENCE the subject at hand. I guess your parents didn't teach you that, "if you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all". If they had, perhaps you would not have commented and could be given the benefit of the doubt that you might be intelligent.

5. "Meth-Head Charlie, Crack-Head Danny, and Brainless Jessica. What a team. The three of the together couldn't make one good brain between them as evident of their acceptance to participate in this film, but then I guess when you are broke (or drugged out like Charlie, you'll do anything for money. " - Let's do the math, shall we? Charlie, Danny, Jessica.... many movie credits, many accomplishments in life, respectable bank accounts. John Baggs? Produces rambling, semi-literate "reviews" of movies that he has never seen, so that he can attack people who have actually succeeded in life. Sorry John, but the math doesn't add up in your favor.

In summary, Machete Kills is exactly what it is advertised to be. It is an homage to 70s grindhouse and exploitation films. Why attempt apple v. orange comparisons between an intentional B movie, and Oscar-caliber films (that John Baggs probably hasn't seen either)? Why not just get some popcorn and enjoy it? (That means actually SEEING it, John)
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"Machete don't fail" the fans (and fans only) in "Machete Kills"
youjusz-900-8006724 January 2014
The story of Machete, a tough Mexican vigilante "out to settle the score" has been a long one. On the set of his movie "Desperado," Robert Rodriguez was introduced to his cousin, Danny Trejo, who had a role as a hit-man in the film. The writer/director was inspired by the actor's physical appearance and so he created the character of Machete. The idea for a full feature film was given some time. In 2007, Rodriguez and his friend Quentin Tarantino created "Grindhouse," a double-feature film meant to pay tribute to and spoof the cheap American films of the 1960s and the 1970s. A Rodriguez-made fake trailer for "Machete," which featured Trejo in the titular role as a man going out against the people who double-crossed him, was a part of the project. The trailer, however, received much interest from the fans, and so in 2010, Rodriguez finally made his vision come true in the full feature film. Now, Machete cuts his way back to the audience...

Literally moments after a traumatic experience, Machete (Trejo) is recruited by the President of the United States, Rathcock (portrayed by Charlie Sheen, credited with his original name, Carlos Estevez). Machete's mission is to go to Mexico and find Mendez "The Madman" (Damien Bichir), a revolutionary suffering from multiple personality disorder. "The Madman" threatens to launch a missile at Washington. Upon arrival in his homeland, Machete discovers that things are much more complicated and what he was told to do might be just a part of what he is going to have to do, as he is followed by hit men, drug cartels, a "men-despising" Madame Desdemona (Sofia Vergara) and her prostitutes, and many other individuals. It all will eventually lead him, however, to Luther Voz (Mel Gibson), whose actions may have serious consequences not just for Mexico or the United States, but for the entire world...

Machete Kills is a corny, action- and humor-packed, fun film - just what it is meant to be. The movie, just like about every one of Rodriguez's works, is not supposed to be taken seriously. The feature starts by making up for Machete's biggest deficit - a fake (?) trailer for the next installment in the franchise, Machete Kills Again... in Space. The trailer supposedly features Leonardo DiCaprio and Justin Bieber and is a clear spoof of Star Wars. But that's not even two minutes of craziness - and it gets so much crazier after that.

There are, naturally, many references to pop culture. The trailer at the beginning and many scenes from the final act are throwbacks to Star Wars. Other references may include the ones to Mad Max, or Moonraker. There are also tons of references to the previous films of Rodriguez, such as Desperado, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, From Dusk till Dawn, Planet Terror (the director's segment of Grindhouse) and obviously the first Machete. All of these provide for a great time for anyone who likes the films to which the references are made, and certainly a treat to all fans of Robert Rodriguez.

The acting, when it's not purposefully bad, is outstanding. Damien Bichir and Mel Gibson deserve a mention as the film's most prominent villains. Both of the actors appear to have had a great time on the set and portray their characters with much energy and distance. And of course, Danny Trejo as the Mexican not to be messed with, pulls off his character perfectly.

Although the script was written by Kyle Ward (based on Rodriguez's story) rather than Rodriguez himself, due to the tone and the humor of it, it feels completely like Rodriguez's work. The director, as usually, was involved in many other aspects of filmmaking, such as production, composing the score (which is, as always in his works, fitting and memorable), editing, etc.

Overall, Machete Kills is a fun exploitation film. It's more intentionally ridiculous, funnier and more "grindhouse-y" than its predecessor. It is certainly not for everyone, but Robert Rodriguez's fans should have a blast. Being one of them, I definitely hope that "Machete Kills Again... in Space" will see the light of day. And then, maybe, "Machete Continues to Kill," "Machete Still Kills," "Machete Kills Some More" and "Machete Retires from Killing... to Kill All Over Again"? We'll see, but as long as Rodriguez and Trejo are game, so am I.
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More of the same
gridoon201824 January 2015
Warning: Spoilers
More gratuitous violence, more jaw-dropping gore, more Machete quips (my favorite: "Machete happens!"), more irreverence. And the same basic problem: although it's supposed to be fun, it's actually quite mean-spirited and ugly, with numerous innocent people massacred. You almost feel like you need a shower afterwards. The plot is pretty much a rip-off of "Moonraker", and some actors - particularly Sofia Vergara and Demian Bichir - overact shamelessly. There are some salvageable parts: Marko Zaror's amazing kicks, the muscular Michelle Rodriguez, the slinky Amber Heard (although their climactic fight is spoiled by silly dialogue), and Lady Gaga's & Antonio Banderas' cameos. Still, I would agree with those who claim that the best part of "Machete Kills" is....the fake trailer for "Machete Kills Again - In Space"! ** out of 4.
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Insane and very Entertaining
AlexJKrug11 October 2013
I honestly do not know how to compare Machete Kills (sequel) to Machete (original). They were both so well put together. Trejo has been my favorite actor of all times and I am an enormous Robert Rodriguez film. I have seen all of his movies from El Mariachi trilogy and Road Racers to Grindhouse, Sin city, spy kids, you name it, I've seen it all. Machete Kills however is so over the top, so violent, so funny in a very creative Rodriguez way that I don't see how any action movie fan could resist watching it at least once. Machete Kills explores a completely different plot line from the original Machete. Personally I enjoy this movie for that reason because I'm not too big of a fan of repetition. Its also amazing how Robert Rodriguez always casts the most interesting actors together from Robert Deniro, Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Alba to Mel Gibson, Lady Gaga, and Carlos Estavos (also known as Charlie Sheen). So for anyone who loves Danny Trejo, Robert Rodriguez, or action movies in general, I highly recommend you do yourself a favor; ignore the low ratings for this movie and go buy tickets to check out Machete Kills for yourself.

(Especially when the review is written by a critic who hasn't's even seen either of the movies and doesn't understand Grindhouse exploitation films.)
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It's good that the director and actors had fun making this film, because I sure didn't have fun watching it!
g-penman11 October 2013
The director of this film Richard Rodriguez, made such a great film 9 years ago, called Sin City, that you would think he would attempt to make another film somewhat on the same level, well, he hasn't! This film attempts to be both an action film, and a comedy, but by splitting the difference between the two, manages to come up way short! It's not as if this film doesn't try to be entertaining, but the action scenes are so ridicules and uninspired,that they are well,not fun to watch. The premise sounds good enough,with Danny Trejo as Machete, The Mexican killing machine who reaps out violence against those that are evil, but I was let down with this film, as I was with the first Machete film. Demian Bichir steals the show,as a split personality drug lord gone renegade,but none of the other actors are fun to watch. And what ever happened to Mel Gibson?! He is down right ugly,it looks like the years of alcohol and racists rants have finally taken their toll! If this film is suppose to be a comedy, then why isn't it funny? If the approach to making this film had been different, then it may have worked..but this film fails to entertain, SKIP IT!
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