Held captive by a circus, Malu is frantically rescued from her shackles by her husband. As she waits anxiously in the darkness for her chance to escape, a disturbing truth she's hidden away seeps back in.
During an operation of a Mexican Cartel, Machete Cortez and Sartana Rivera intercept the criminals alone, but another group arrives and a masked man kills Sartana. Machete is arrested, accused of killing his beloved Sartana and Sheriff Doakes hangs Machete. But the President of the USA Rathcock pardons and recruits Machete to kill the revolutionary Marcos Mendez that has threatened the USA with a missile with a bomb. Machete goes to San Antonio to meet the Miss San Antonio Blanca Vasquez that will be the liaison between Machete and President Rathcock. Then Machete goes to the brothel of Madame Desdemona to seek out the prostitute Cereza that is Mendez's mistress. Machete meets Mendez and learns that his heart is connected to the missile and only the arm dealer Luther Voz is capable to disarm the bomb. Now Machete needs to bring Mendez to the USA in less than twenty-four hours and save his new country in a dangerous journey with betrayals. Written by
Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
When Voz puts on the metal mask, it is clearly just a part that will cover the face. (He's putting it on towards his face.) But in the next second it appears to be more like a helmet that completely covers the whole head which would have been impossible to be put on the way he did before. See more »
After all the credits have been shown, two short scenes are shown. One is an outtake of one of the last fight scenes, where an unexpected punch is delivered between two women, the other scene is a very short montage of the presidential character posing with guns. See more »
Somehow even more ridiculous than its predecessor, but not quite as funny.
I love Machete. The character is incredible, the premise is perfect, literally everything about it just screams B-movie stupidity, and it's insanely awesome. I actually saw this movie before the first Machete so I wasn't sure what to expect, and I laughed until it hurt. Seriously, it was everything I wanted in a silly action movie. Machete Kills is somehow even more ridiculous than the first one, this time with president Charlie Sheen ordering Machete to go after a lunatic nuclear arms dealer played to perfection by Demian Bichir, and Mel Gibson wants to destroy the world and colonize space. Yeah, and you thought De Niro playing George Bush was crazy. Mel Gibson is basically a Bond villain in this movie.
This is another revenge story, except this time it's Machete's love interest Jessica Alba who is killed in front of him. Needless to say when President Sheen asks him to go on this suicide mission, Machete isn't exactly in the best frame of mind. Then again, it's f*cking Danny Trejo, so he's awesome at it anyway. The first half of the movie focuses more on Machete going after this crazy arms dealer, with random villains like Sofia Vergara with machine gun tits coming after him. There's also the shapeshifter El Cameleon played by Cuba Gooding Jr, Lady Gaga, and Antonio Banderas. Literally the best plot device to get as many famous people in a movie as possible. Then Mel kicks in during the second half of the movie and that's where it goes full-on ridiculous mode (in the best way, as if it wasn't ridiculous enough before).
After seeing Machete and Machete Kills back to back, I realize the only thing that makes Machete Kills slightly weaker is that the laughs aren't as consistent. Machete had me on the floor 90 percent of the time. Machete Kills is more like, 70 percent hilarity and 30 percent of jokes that either don't hit or are just repeated to the point of desensitization. Still, when the jokes hit, they are laugh-out-loud funny. There are gags in this movie that make the original Machete look like a documentary. Oh, and Amber Heard is the special agent helping Machete this time, and she tries to do an accent every once in a while and fails miserably, but who cares because she's sex on a stick. That's basically the trend in these movies. You try to analyze something and then think to yourself, "Who cares?" It's so damn entertaining you don't have to think at all. Just lay back and enjoy the gratuitous violence, T&A, and everything else you'd want in a ridiculous action-packed B-movie. I, for one, cannot wait for the sequel.
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