Lucas Cano, (Machete) an ex-bodyguard for the Mexican President, tired of his life style, retires to a remote small town in Mexico, in hope of finding peace. But things do not work out for ... See full summary »
Roman Hernández Cordova
George Castle Jr.,
During an operation of a Mexican Cartel, Machete Cortez and Sartana Rivera intercept the criminals alone, but another group arrives and a masked man kills Sartana. Machete is arrested, accused of killing his beloved Sartana and Sheriff Doakes hangs Machete. But the President of the USA Rathcock pardons and recruits Machete to kill the revolutionary Marcos Mendez that has threatened the USA with a missile with a bomb. Machete goes to San Antonio to meet the Miss San Antonio Blanca Vasquez that will be the liaison between Machete and President Rathcock. Then Machete goes to the brothel of Madame Desdemona to seek out the prostitute Cereza that is Mendez's mistress. Machete meets Mendez and learns that his heart is connected to the missile and only the arm dealer Luther Voz is capable to disarm the bomb. Now Machete needs to bring Mendez to the USA in less than twenty-four hours and save his new country in a dangerous journey with betrayals. Written by
Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
After all the credits have been shown, two short scenes are shown. One is an outtake of one of the last fight scenes, where an unexpected punch is delivered between two women, the other scene is a very short montage of the presidential character posing with guns. See more »
A far too self aware and self indulgent romp that misses every mark.
Machete Kills is exactly what it presents itself to be: a bad movie. Its worst offense being that it isn't even fun. Robert Rodriquez gave us the first Machete back in 2010 and though it has been a while since I've seen it, I recall it being a fun, energetic, bloodbath that hit all of its marks. It was self aware without being obnoxious. This time around, it appears the entire reason the film was even made was to name drop the kooky celebrities the coaxed in to signing on. The story follows Machete (Danny Trejo) who is sent on a mission to stop a Mexican revolutionary who is threatening the US though it really doesn't matter. The plot is not the driving force behind films like this, it's the radical kills and laughable gore and that is where this film fails on every level. The biggest mistake was the extreme lack of practical effects. For some reason that I completely do not understand, Rodriquez and co. decided it was best for all of the gore effects to be completely CG and went for cheap CG at that (think Birdemic). What made the first so fun in its outlandishness was that it maintained its cool factor while still being completely over the top. Machete Kills isn't interested in that at all. Instead of shining a light on inventive and goofy kills and stunts, it focuses on over done Charlie Sheen gags (credited for the film as his birth name Carlos Estevez), jokes about how crazy Mel Gibson is, and Lady Gaga briefly having a man's voice. The dialog is terrible even for a film like this and it isn't aided by the stale or just plain bad performances. Cuba Gooding Jr. is briefly in this film and it must be noted that he is hands down the best part and it is very unfortunate that he only got roughly 45 seconds of screen time total. It's a lazy film and a waste of time and if they do intend on making Machete Kills Again In Space like this film claimed they were, let's just hope that it brings back the fun of the original.
9 of 15 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful to you?