- Sebastian Smythe: Oh my God. Hey Kurt. I didn't recognize you. You are wearing boy clothes for once.
- Santana Lopez: All right, twink. I think it's time I show you some Lima Heights hospitality.
- Sebastian Smythe: Unless you want to join your relatives in prison, that's probably not the best idea. You see, my dad is sort of what you'd call a state's attorney, but if you had a piñata you wanted delivered, I bet he could make sure that got to them.
- Santana Lopez: Hey, Andrew McCarthy. Don't know if you heard, but Blaine may lose an eye. The same Blaine who was just besties with most of you not four months ago.
- Trent: Wait, are you serious? Is he gonna be okay?
- Santana Lopez: Well, sure, if he doesn't care about seeing in three dimensions.
- Sebastian Smythe: Trent, I got this. Bummer about Blaine, he was pretty. He shouldn't have gotten in the way, though. That slushee was meant for Kurt.
- Santana Lopez: You may look like the villain out of a cheesy '80s high school movie, but you should know that I am fully prepared to go all Danny LaRusso on your ass. Admit you put something in that slushee. What was it, huh? Glass? Asphalt?
- Sebastian Smythe: Red dye number six.
- Santana Lopez: You're a liar.
- Sebastian Smythe: She questioned my honor. I demand satisfaction in Warbler tradition.
- Santana Lopez: You want to have a duel? Cello guys, can you hang back for a second? I'm gonna need you for this one.
- Sebastian Smythe: Everyone else clear out. I don't want you to see me make a girl cry. Let's just keep this on point.
- Santana Lopez: Brittany, lock the door.
- Brittany S. Pierce: I don't know how to do that.
- Kurt Hummel: Um, what's going on?
- Santana Lopez: We've got the Warblers right where we want them. And because he's the smoothest criminal I know, Artie was able to find a spy store that sells top-secret surveillance equipment.
- Artie Abrams: Not top-secret. I just got a tape recorder from OfficeMax.
- Santana Lopez: Okay, okay, whatever. In any case, I taped it to my underboob when we went to Dalton, and I got Sebastian on tape admitting that there was rock-salt in that slushee that blinded Blaine. Now, all we have to do is send this tape to the po-po, and that little bitchlet is headed to juvie.
- Santana Lopez: [through the tape recorder] Admit it. Tell me the truth. What did you put in that slushee?
- Sebastian Smythe: [through the tape recorder] Rock salt.
- Kurt Hummel: No. No, we're not doing that.
- Santana Lopez: Why? Kurt, this isn't violent. This is clever. I taped it to my underboob.