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"Smash" Pilot (TV Episode 2012) Poster

(TV Series)

(2012)

Quotes

Jerry Rand: You came into this marriage with nothing.

Eileen Rand: Except love.

Jerry Rand: Bringing up love at a divorce proceeding is childish.

Eileen Rand: Screwing every blonde that opens her legs for you is also childish. I guess that makes both of us children.

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Derek Wills: Eileen, be real. For me to audition

[to direct]

Derek Wills: , Marilyn herself would have to pop out of that envelope and do me right here.

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Julia Houston: [on the phone with Tom] Oh, you say that, Tom, but then you get all impatient. If we don't cut

[the demo]

Julia Houston: now, I'm gonna have to listen to you whine for weeks. Then we should do it because *I* wanna do it.

[pause]

Julia Houston: I wanna do it tomorrow.

[pause]

Julia Houston: I will call Ivy. Bye.

[hangs up, to Frank]

Julia Houston: He *does* whine. I love him but... he whines.

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Tom Levitt: I have a new assistant and he made me macaroni and cheese.

Julia Houston: I'm happy for you.

Tom Levitt: I'm happy for me, too.

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[a video clip of Ivy Lynn recording a demo for "Marilyn: The Musical" goes viral]

Frank Houston: Wow, it's everywhere.

Julia Houston: It's idiotic theater blogs. I hate everyone who writes theater blogs!

Frank Houston: Okay, some of it is...

Julia Houston: Okay, I don't wanna know!

[lies down]

Julia Houston: My God, this sucks! It gets out too fast! And then everyone just rushes to judgement before we even *have* a first draft! Reidel! Oh! Reidel started going after "Spider-Man" before they even started previews! He was already attacking everyone before they even started maiming people!

[Frank laughs]

Julia Houston: Yeah, I know, I know. You didn't want me to do it. And you know? Fine, you were right. It's just a complete waste of time.

Frank Houston: Reidel picked it up.

Julia Houston: Of course he did! Little creep! Tom called him a Napoleonic Nazi. So right.

[Frank laughs again, Julia giggles]

Julia Houston: "Napoleonic Nazi", it's good.

Frank Houston: No. It's just, uh, Reidel loves "Marilyn". He's a huge fan of you and Tom, thinks "Heaven on Earth" is the best musical on Broadway in spite of its hideous title. Thinks the number online is a smash.

[Julia climbs onto the bed next to Frank and looks at the article]

Julia Houston: Y'know, he's much smarter than people give him credit for. Everyone gets so mad at him, but he tells the truth.

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[Karen and Dev just finished making out to "Some Like It Hot"]

Karen Cartwright: You know what we should do tomorrow night? The one where they're making out in the ocean.

Dev Sundaram: "From Here to Eternity", that was Deborah Kerr.

Karen Cartwright: So?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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