Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Charm's quite the killer.
Dr. Spencer Reid: So are tears.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Maybe she offended him.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [sarcastically] Wonder what that's like.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I get it, okay? You're disappointed with the way we handled Emily.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Dodging her] Listen, I have a lot going on, alright?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You know what *I* think it is?
Dr. Spencer Reid: What?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: You're mad that Hotch and I controlled our micro expressions at the hospital and you weren't able to detect our deception.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Hurt beginning to show beneath his anger] You think this is about my *profiling skills*? Jennifer, listen: the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I *trusted* you! I came to your house for *ten* weeks in a row, crying over losing a friend, and not *once* did you have the decency to tell me the truth.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Guiltily, fighting tears] I couldn't.
Dr. Spencer Reid: [Skeptically] You *couldn't*, or you *wouldn't*?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [Frustrated] No, I *couldn't*!
Dr. Spencer Reid: [a little more calmly now] What if I had started taking dilaudid again? Would you have let me?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [a little nervously] You didn't.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Yeah, but I thought about it.
[Starts to leave]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Spence!
[Spencer stops and looks back at her impatiently]
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I'm sorry!
Dr. Spencer Reid: It's too late! Alright?
[He walks away, leaving JJ almost in tears and the rest of the team looking concerned]
Dr. Spencer Reid: [voiceover] "If it is a miracle, any sort of evidence will answer; but if it is a fact, proof is necessary." ~~ Mark Twain
David Rossi: [voiceover] Scott Adams wrote, "Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge."
Dr. Spencer Reid: People have an innate curiosity to see things in order to confirm them.
Emily Prentiss: Look, Reid, I know you're mad at us because we didn't tell you what really happened, and I understand that. But I promise you, we had no choice. You mourned the loss of a friend. I mourned the loss of six.
[Prentiss lets out a frustrated sigh]
Emily Prentiss: This whole thing gave me an ulcer. Please don't give me another one.
[the team is still in shock Prentiss is alive]
David Rossi: How's Reid?
Aaron Hotchner: He's angry and frustrated. I'm surprised everybody isn't.
David Rossi: Ah, some of us had an inkling.
[Hotch gives Rossi a surprised look]
David Rossi: What? I'm good at what I do.
Teen Cy: Guess who I went to second base with?
Teen Matt: Who, Cy?
Teen Cy: Lyla Smith.
Teen Matt: Bull!
Teen Cy: Get back here! Why don't you believe me?
Teen Matt: Because you lie!
Cy Bradstone: [voiceover] I grew up normal, in a normal house, the size of a castle. I played sports. Sang in the choir for the President of the United States. And celebrated my birthdays with four-story cakes flown straight from Paris.
Penelope Garcia: Okay, you can be honest. I can take it.
David Rossi: Okay, I prefer my pasta al dente, and the pancetta was a little weird.
Penelope Garcia: Oh, that's 'cause it's tofu.
David Rossi: Tofu? I give you my recipe and you do an improv?
Penelope Garcia: No, no. I followed it down to the micron, aside from the pig. Look, master of all things Italian, I am having a Fellini festival at my house this weekend, and I must serve the beautiful food of his country.
David Rossi: Maybe you should show a Disney film and stick with burgers.
Derek Morgan: You know, Rossi, you could always give Penelope a cooking lesson.
Penelope Garcia: Oh, my gosh, that would be amazing. That would be like... That would be like the Iron Chef meets the BAU. And we could do it at your house.
David Rossi: I don't have a house, I have a mansion.
Aaron Hotchner: All right. Let's get started.
Cy Bradstone: [to video camcorder] Every story has a beginning. But the part I like best is the end.
Dr. Spencer Reid: So, Beth got off the bus here and headed northwest toward class.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: It's amazing no one witnessed her abduction.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Emily was buried six feet under and wound up in Paris, so I guess anything's possible, right?
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: So, that is what this is about.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe our UnSub's a little bit like Bundy. He feigns an injury in order to get her to help him.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: Look, Spence, if you want to talk about this...
Dr. Spencer Reid: Maybe he tried other tactics, like, "You're really pretty. You should be a model. I can take your photo."
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: I'll take that as no.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Either one would disarm her.
David Rossi: So, are you gonna get psychological counseling for the team or handle it internally?
Aaron Hotchner: No, I think that if we all just got together, maybe a cooking lesson at the home of one of our founders...
David Rossi: Oh, no, not you, too.
Aaron Hotchner: It could boost morale.
David Rossi: Is this an order?
Aaron Hotchner: No, it's just a very tempered suggestion.
David Rossi: Tempered suggestion.
Matt Bradstone: You never told me that.
Cy Bradstone: Yes, I did, yes, I did, yes, I did! But you thought I was lying and then you married my girl!
Matt Bradstone: So, this is what you do, Cy? Why didn't you just hurt me?
Cy Bradstone: I take away your senses, Matt. The last one is hearing. And if I take that, you wouldn't be able to listen to what I did to her.
Matt Bradstone: You son of a bitch! You taped my daughter?
Cy Bradstone: You son of a bitch!
Matt Bradstone: You son of a bitch!
Cy Bradstone: [smiles] You son of a bitch!
David Rossi: Cooking is the most sensual art form. And these are my paints.
Penelope Garcia: So your hands must be brushes.
David Rossi: Don't interrupt. In a pot of boiling water, we cook our spaghetti until it's al dente, firm to the tooth. Here you go. Everybody pass it around. See? Feel the texture. There we go. Okay. Now, in a large pan, we fry up our pancetta. Keeping a sharp eye that the edges are crisp.
Aaron Hotchner: But careful not to burn the onions.
David Rossi: Bravo, Aaron! We sauté until translucence.
Derek Morgan: [hearing ding-dong] I got it.
David Rossi: Grazie mille!
[seeing JJ raises the glass to her lips, puts up a hand to stop her]
David Rossi: Oh! Now, we mix in the eggs, the parmesan, the spaghetti and parsley. You see, it's all about timing and rhythm. And if you don't feel yourself doing it properly, please, order a pizza.
Dr. Spencer Reid: Sorry, I'm late.
David Rossi: Yeah. And this is why I cook alone.
Emily Prentiss: So, when do we get to drink the wine?
David Rossi: Almost there. Okay. We start at the beginning. You eat what you cook, I'll supervise, but we're gonna do this all together, just like a family.
Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: [holding the glass] Okay now?
David Rossi: Now. Salute!
[everybody's "Salute!" follows]