Mr. Henry Nobley: Any father would be delighted to have a ninja as a daughter.
Martin: He's still acting. Its all just part of his act. See the costume? He's an actor.
Mr. Henry Nobley: You're just jealous, aren't you? Because my aunt would rather bring in a complete novice than move some Kiwi actor up to the big house.
Jane Hayes: You're not British either?
Martin: It's part of the Commonwealth.
Mr. Henry Nobley: Couldn't you get a job in the Hobbit?
Martin: That's it Shakespeare!
Colonel Andrews: It would appear to be my duty to gaze into your eyes. I'm a military man, I'd never shirk my duty.
Jane Hayes: Do you really believe, Mr. Nobley, that you can know the worth of a person at a glance?
Mr. Henry Nobley: Can you tell me that within the first few moments of meeting each person in this room, you didn't form firm opinions of their character?
Jane Hayes: Well, it would be a shame if my first impression of you proved correct.
Miss Elizabeth Charming: [during the play] l am Aphrodite, the goddess. Often fickle in my large arse.
Mrs. Wattlesbrook: Largesse.
Miss Elizabeth Charming: Largesse.
Mr. Henry Nobley: The night of the ball you said you wanted something real. I'd like to believe that I am real. Is it possible that someone like me can make you happy? Will you let me try?
Jane Hayes: No see people don't do this, this is my fantasy... this isn't...
Mr. Henry Nobley: Have you stopped to consider you might have this all backward. Jane, you are my fantasy.
Jane Hayes: Tallyho?
Mr. Henry Nobley: Tallyho.
Captain East: When my seaman's heart tell me what to do, I do not fear to follow through.
Colonel Andrews: That rhymes. That rhymes.
Jane Hayes: I'm going to take charge of my story.
Jane Hayes: An Austen heroine gets engaged by the end of the book, so that is what I'm going to do.
Miss Elizabeth Charming: Why don't you go for Captain East?
Miss Elizabeth Charming: Look how hot he is. And he's a soap star.
Miss Elizabeth Charming: [after stealing Amelia Heartwright's dresses] Heartwright had millions of them. She's as dumb as a light post. She'll never notice.
Mr. Henry Nobley: Why are we running?
Jane Hayes: Because man and woman should never be alone unless they are in motion.
Miss Elizabeth Charming: I didn't think I was touching you inappropriately.
Colonel Andrews: Well, you did. And if we're to be together, you must never ever do anything like that ever again, if we're to be together.
Lady Amelia Heartwright: Why Miss Charming, what beauteous skin you possess.
Miss Elizabeth Charming: Oh Wearwe? Well, that's because late at night when I'm all alone, I put my face in the fire.
Lady Amelia Heartwright: Really! It's like a porcelain plate.
Colonel Andrews: Like being in a kiln.
Mr. Henry Nobley: Now anyone who can shoot a gun like that, can ride a horse.
Miss Elizabeth Charming: Think about all the people in the world that hang themselves, and then the next day they feel different, but there's nothing they can do about it. Don't hang yourself, Jane.
Miss Elizabeth Charming: And Jane, the maid told me that FYI, she said don't use the chamber pots. Apparently the toilets really do flush here and they don't know what to do if it just piled high.
Colonel Andrews: Lordy, smother me in butter and drop me in a saucepan! There she is, my Venus De Milo.