Pain & Gain (2013)
Daniel Lugo: [to a little boy] Don't eyeball me! I've seen your mother driving up and down these streets looking at me! I'll be your stepfather in about a week!
Paul Doyle: Why'd you make me do that to you, Victor? I have responsibilities! Jesus Christ himself has blessed me with many gifts! One of them is knocking someone the fuck out!
Daniel Lugo: Life's gonna give me another set. I know it will.
Daniel Lugo: Sometimes God just fucks up your order and you gotta chow down on that shitty shame sandwich.
Daniel Lugo: I have no sympathy for people who squander their gifts. It's sickening. It's worse than sickening. It's unpatriotic.
Daniel Lugo: My name is Daniel Lugo, and I believe in fitness. All this began because it was time to push myself harder, otherwise I was looking at another forty years wearing sweatpants to work...
Daniel Lugo: In the end after reviewing our past performance, we could come to only one conclusion. We're so much better when we wing it.
Motel Clerk: Why would you want to have your honeymoon here?
Paul Doyle: [Gets out baseball bat] Oh, this place has a lot of fond memories for me. The very first time I bashed a man's skull in was here, and it was a mess! But that bat was aluminum. I've switched to wood. So you should get your ass out here right now or I'll bash your brains all over that wall with one fucking swing.
Adrian Doorbal: I'm a man who just got married and his penis don't work.
Paul Doyle: There is life after death. Of that, I am sure. But I'm also pretty sure dead people no longer need their stuff.
Victor Kershaw: I'm a self-made man. I've made a lot of money!
Daniel Lugo: Why don't you spend some of it on salads?
Victor Kershaw: You know who invented salads? Poor people!
Paul Doyle: Jesus Christ himself has blessed me with many gifts, one of them is knocking someone the fuck out!
Paul Doyle: You said no violence!
Daniel Lugo: And I meant it when I said it, I swear to God...
Paul Doyle: I can NOT kill!
Daniel Lugo: Duly noted! Look, I promise when this is over, we'll all go camping, OK?
Paul Doyle: OK...
Adrian Doorbal: Hey, is that breast milk?
Paul Doyle: What?
Adrian Doorbal: Is that breast milk?
Paul Doyle: Why would that be breast milk?
Adrian Doorbal: 'Cause this is. Listen: You take this, you put it in there, and you got the real HGH. I'm talkin' about a steroid shake. I got this pregnant chick I buy it from - she real clean, too.
Paul Doyle: No...
Adrian Doorbal: No, no, no, for real, she just got her tests and everything. Oh, my - You ever suck a pregnant woman titty? Oh, my god, this so good. Come on, try some.
[off no answer]
Adrian Doorbal: It'll make you great, man. You already big, but you could be bigGER. You know? I'm big - I'mma be swole, though. Walk sideways through doors. You want some? We can be titty brothers.
Adrian Doorbal: Yeah!
Paul Doyle: I'm gonna go with "No." Excuse me.
Daniel Lugo: If you're willing to do the work, you can have anything. That's what makes the U.S. of A great. When it started, America was just a handful of scrawny colonies. Now, it's the most buff, pumped-up country on the planet. That's pretty rad.
Paul Doyle: We go through with this, nobody gets hurt right?
Daniel Lugo: No, man! We snatch him, we grab him, signs a few signature, we give him a protein shake! He dunnit even know what happened! I watched a lot of movies Paul, I know what I'm doing!
Daniel Lugo: You know why habit rhymes with rabbit? Because your life goes down a rabbit hole.
[Doyle is in a warehouse full of sex toys]
Paul Doyle: [to Lugo over a walkie-talkie] Didn't you say your friend kept athletic supplies in his warehouse?
Daniel Lugo: Do we have to have this conversation now? Over. What's the issue?
Paul Doyle: I'm looking at a lot of homo-stuff right now, Patriot One.
[looks at a male blow-up doll]
Paul Doyle: A *lot*.
Daniel Lugo: [groaning and grunting out his situps] I'm hot! I'm big!
Daniel Lugo: [sees a squad of police cars] Fuck!
Paul Doyle: They got my toe! You can see the bone!
[holds up his toe in plastic bag]
Paul Doyle: [sees his pet chihuahua] Hey, little buddy, you hungry?
[gives his toe to the chihuahua]
Ed Du Bois: The event you are about to see took place in Miami Florida between October 1994 and June 95. Unfortunately, this is a true story.
Daniel Lugo: [referring to electric chainsaws] Fucking Chinese crap!
Daniel Lugo: I put up with stuff that they don't have names for in civil society.
[about some vibrators]
Adrian Doorbal: There's some complex engineering in these things.
Johnny Wu: Get a Goal. Get a plan. And get up off your ass!
Paul Doyle: You can't just kidnap a guy and take his things! That is so illegal!
Daniel Lugo: Victor Kershaw is a criminal prick, who deserves bad stuff to happen to him!