Pain & Gain (2013)
Daniel Lugo: [to a little boy] Don't eyeball me! I've seen your mother driving up and down these streets looking at me! I'll be your stepfather in about a week!
Paul Doyle: Why'd you make me do that to you, Victor? I have responsibilities! Jesus Christ himself has blessed me with many gifts! One of them is knocking someone the fuck out!
Daniel Lugo: I have no sympathy for people who squander their gifts. It's sickening. It's worse than sickening. It's unpatriotic.
Daniel Lugo: Life's gonna give me another set. I know it will.
Daniel Lugo: My name is Daniel Lugo, and I believe in fitness. All this began because it was time to push myself harder, otherwise I was looking at another forty years wearing sweatpants to work...
Victor Kershaw: I'm a self-made man. I've made a lot of money!
Daniel Lugo: Why don't you spend some of it on salads?
Victor Kershaw: You know who invented salads? Poor people!
Daniel Lugo: In the end after reviewing our past performance, we could come to only one conclusion. We're so much better when we wing it.
Paul Doyle: You said no violence!
Daniel Lugo: And I meant it when I said it, I swear to God...
Paul Doyle: I can NOT kill!
Daniel Lugo: Duly noted! Look, I promise when this is over, we'll all go camping, OK?
Paul Doyle: OK...
Johnny Wu: Get a Goal. Get a plan. And get up off your ass!
Daniel Lugo: If you're willing to do the work, you can have anything. That's what makes the U.S. of A great. When it started, America was just a handful of scrawny colonies. Now, it's the most buff, pumped-up country on the planet. That's pretty rad.
Paul Doyle: Jesus Christ himself has blessed me with many gifts, one of them is knocking someone the fuck out!
Motel Clerk: Why would you want to have your honeymoon here?
Paul Doyle: [Gets out baseball bat] Oh, this place has a lot of fond memories for me. The very first time I bashed a man's skull in was here, and it was a mess! But that bat was aluminum. I've switched to wood. So you should get your ass out here right now or I'll bash your brains all over that wall with one fucking swing.
Adrian Doorbal: I'm a man who just got married and his penis don't work.
Adrian Doorbal: Hey, is that breast milk?
Paul Doyle: What?
Adrian Doorbal: Is that breast milk?
Paul Doyle: Why would that be breast milk?
Adrian Doorbal: 'Cause this is. Listen: You take this, you put it in there, and you got the real HGH. I'm talkin' about a steroid shake. I got this pregnant chick I buy it from - she real clean, too.
Paul Doyle: No...
Adrian Doorbal: No, no, no, for real, she just got her tests and everything. Oh, my - You ever suck a pregnant woman titty? Oh, my god, this so good. Come on, try some.
[off no answer]
Adrian Doorbal: It'll make you great, man. You already big, but you could be bigGER. You know? I'm big - I'mma be swole, though. Walk sideways through doors. You want some? We can be titty brothers.
Adrian Doorbal: Yeah!
Paul Doyle: I'm gonna go with "No." Excuse me.
Daniel Lugo: Sometimes God just fucks up your order and you gotta chow down on that shitty shame sandwich.
Daniel Lugo: [groaning and grunting out his situps] I'm hot! I'm big!
Daniel Lugo: [sees a squad of police cars] Fuck!
Paul Doyle: We go through with this, nobody gets hurt right?
Daniel Lugo: No, man! We snatch him, we grab him, signs a few signature, we give him a protein shake! He dunnit even know what happened! I watched a lot of movies Paul, I know what I'm doing!
[Doyle is in a warehouse full of sex toys]
Paul Doyle: [to Lugo over a walkie-talkie] Didn't you say your friend kept athletic supplies in his warehouse?
Daniel Lugo: Do we have to have this conversation now? Over. What's the issue?
Paul Doyle: I'm looking at a lot of homo-stuff right now, Patriot One.
[looks at a male blow-up doll]
Paul Doyle: A *lot*.
[about some vibrators]
Adrian Doorbal: There's some complex engineering in these things.
Paul Doyle: There is life after death. Of that, I am sure. But I'm also pretty sure dead people no longer need their stuff.
Paul Doyle: They got my toe! You can see the bone!
[holds up his toe in plastic bag]
Paul Doyle: [sees his pet chihuahua] Hey, little buddy, you hungry?
[gives his toe to the chihuahua]
Ed Du Bois: The event you are about to see took place in Miami Florida between October 1994 and June 95. Unfortunately, this is a true story.
Daniel Lugo: [referring to electric chainsaws] Fucking Chinese crap!
Paul Doyle: You know why habit rhymes with rabbit? Because your life goes down a rabbit hole.
Sorina Luminita: A big music video director does not need these glasses that see in the dark!
Daniel Lugo: I don't want you going through my stuff. Okay? These are not toys.
Sorina Luminita: Big director driving your pussy-ass Fiero with the Scooby-Doo seats!
Daniel Lugo: I need you to sit down right now and listen very carefully. You know where I've been all day?
Daniel Lugo: I've been at headquarters in Langley, Virginia. I haven't been truthful with you, and believe me, it hurts. You have got to understand my work. I'm in the CIA.
Daniel Lugo: Now, good men have died to keep what I just told you a secret.
Sorina Luminita: CIA? Like the CIA-police CIA? CIA, Daniel? That is so hot!
Daniel Lugo: No, no, no, no, no. It's better you hear it all. I mean, I've seen things, okay? Done things. One time in Hong Kong, I had to live for a week in a tree. No food, no bathroom, no nothing.
Sorina Luminita: You poor, poor baby! I am so sorry!
Daniel Lugo: Do you know, this is the real reason I approached you.
Sorina Luminita: Me?
Daniel Lugo: Yes. You think you can handle being an operative?
Sorina Luminita: Oh, my God, Daniel, yes! I'll do anything!
Daniel Lugo: You know my associate, Paul?
Daniel Lugo: The big guy?
Sorina Luminita: Yeah, the weird guy?
Daniel Lugo: Yeah. You're gonna have to work close with him.
Sorina Luminita: This is my adopted country. I'll die for it.
Sorina Luminita: [Sorina sits on Daniel's lap] Daniel, did you ever catch a spy girl?
Sorina Luminita: And then maybe you have to spank her ass.
Sorina Luminita: Yeah!
[Sorina spanks her ass]
Sorina Luminita: And calling her dirty, commie-sucking whore!
Daniel Lugo: Whatever it takes.
Sorina Luminita: Your dick is big babe!
Daniel Lugo: I put up with stuff that they don't have names for in civil society.
Paul Doyle: You can't just kidnap a guy and take his things! That is so illegal!
Daniel Lugo: Victor Kershaw is a criminal prick, who deserves bad stuff to happen to him!
Sorina Luminita: [Daniel and Sorina are having sex behind a car] Yes! Fuck me harder!
Sorina Luminita: Ah! The car!
[the car crashes into the other car at the front]
Sorina Luminita: [Sorina is narrating] My American dream was finally coming true.
Sorina Luminita: Fuck! That was great!
Sorina Luminita: You look so sad, what's the matter?
Adrian Doorbal: I just kidnapped a man.
Sorina Luminita: You did what?
Daniel Lugo: No, no, no, he's kidding. He's getting married tomorrow and he doesn't want a bachelor party.
Sorina Luminita: Hey! You know what? My shift is almost over. So... Meet me at the toilets in 5 minutes. And bring my baby Daniel too.
Adrian Doorbal: For what?
Daniel Lugo: This is your party, enjoy.
Sorina Luminita: [They have a threesome in the bathroom] Bang me harder! Come on! Fuck! Fuck!
Adrian Doorbal: Oh god!