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Someone Marry Barry (2014) Poster

Quotes

Kurt: I want to clarify something. I can't kill someone. I can't. But I wanna help. I'll dig the hole.

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Melanie Miller: Hey! Ladies first, ladies first!

Barry Burke: I'll tell you if I see one.

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Melanie Miller: Did I get puke on your cock?

Barry Burke: Don't worry about it. I like it.

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Barry Burke: [at a speed dating event] Hi, I'm Barry... NEXT!

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Barry Burke: I'm not going to lie. This is exactly what it looks like.

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Barry Burke: I notice you carry a formidable amount of junk in your trunk.

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Rafe: So you want to disown him?

Desmond: Nah, that wouldn't work. He'd just keep coming back like a zombie or something.

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Ben: You have rendered me completely speechless.

Melanie Miller: Thank you!

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Melanie Miller: What would you do without your wing girl?

Paige: Get dates.

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Desmond: We don't need someone who CAN put up with Barry. We need someone who HAS to put up with Barry. The type of person who has to put up with a never-ending stream of infantile behavior. 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for their entire life.

Kurt: A therapist!

Rafe: A wife.

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Melanie Miller: We'd probably be fucking right now if it weren't for my situation below deck.

Ben: [uncomfortable] Oh. Oh, yeah?

Melanie Miller: Ok, I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with beast inspection.

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Barry Burke: [to Mel Miller] You've got cockfight written all over you.

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Melanie Miller: I think they have incredible cuisine at Hooters, but most people don't notice 'cause of all the massive tits.

Barry Burke: I know, the tits are distracting.

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Melanie Miller: Sorry they're only B-cup, but actually I can swell to a C when I'm menstruating.

Desmond: That's... disgusting.

Barry Burke: My god. I never thought I'd say this to a lady, but I can't wait until your time of the month!

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Melanie Miller: [to Rachel] I used to have a rat named Rachel!

Rachel: [repulsed] Um... cool?

Rafe: [repulsed] That's a detail.

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Leslie - Speed Dater: [to Barry] I'm sitting across from you. I hear the words coming out of your mouth.

Desmond: [stepping between Leslie & Barry] Look, if it's any consolation, he's always like this.

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Melanie Miller: I'm a sushi slut!

Ben: How does that manifest itself?

Melanie Miller: I'm a whore for sushi.

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Barry Burke: I am gay for your 'stache.

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Goker: Your favorite book is the novelization of the Bill Murray classic 'Stripes'. It's one of my favorite books! I did not care for the movie.

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Barry Burke: But that is neither here nor there.

Goker: No, no, my friend. That is both here and there.

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Barry Burke: [surprised] You're giving me shit? He's the one trying to get laid at his Dad's funeral!

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Barry Burke: Everyone knows you're too busy chasing around random skanks to spend time with your son.

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Barry Burke: Any guy would gladly get up to his nuts in her guts, okay? That's not up for dispute here.

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Goker: I do not sell women to men who hate women! We do not sell bitches! If we did, it would be called Goker's Mail Order Bitches!

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Ben: [in Spanish] I would like to hurl myself off a cliff and die a fiery death.

Juanita: [in Spanish] I am so with you on that.

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Goker: She'd marry a raccoon with an extended asshole if it got her out of her fucking village.

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Goker: Here at Goker's we are not about business. First and foremost, we are about love, passion, romance, fucking, okay? Hot fuck action at a really reasonable price.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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