Someone Marry Barry (2014)
Kurt: I want to clarify something. I can't kill someone. I can't. But I wanna help. I'll dig the hole.
Barry Burke: [at a speed dating event] Hi, I'm Barry... NEXT!
Barry Burke: I'm not going to lie. This is exactly what it looks like.
Barry Burke: I notice you carry a formidable amount of junk in your trunk.
Rafe: So you want to disown him?
Desmond: Nah, that wouldn't work. He'd just keep coming back like a zombie or something.
Desmond: We don't need someone who CAN put up with Barry. We need someone who HAS to put up with Barry. The type of person who has to put up with a never-ending stream of infantile behavior. 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for their entire life.
Kurt: A therapist!
Rafe: A wife.
Melanie Miller: We'd probably be fucking right now if it weren't for my situation below deck.
Ben: [uncomfortable] Oh. Oh, yeah?
Melanie Miller: Ok, I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with beast inspection.
Barry Burke: [to Mel Miller] You've got cockfight written all over you.
Melanie Miller: I think they have incredible cuisine at Hooters, but most people don't notice 'cause of all the massive tits.
Barry Burke: I know, the tits are distracting.
Melanie Miller: Sorry they're only B-cup, but actually I can swell to a C when I'm menstruating.
Desmond: That's... disgusting.
Barry Burke: My god. I never thought I'd say this to a lady, but I can't wait until your time of the month!
Melanie Miller: [to Rachel] I used to have a rat named Rachel!
Rachel: [repulsed] Um... cool?
Rafe: [repulsed] That's a detail.
Leslie - Speed Dater: [to Barry] I'm sitting across from you. I hear the words coming out of your mouth.
Desmond: [stepping between Leslie & Barry] Look, if it's any consolation, he's always like this.
Melanie Miller: I'm a sushi slut!
Ben: How does that manifest itself?
Melanie Miller: I'm a whore for sushi.
Goker: Your favorite book is the novelization of the Bill Murray classic 'Stripes'. It's one of my favorite books! I did not care for the movie.
Barry Burke: But that is neither here nor there.
Goker: No, no, my friend. That is both here and there.
Barry Burke: [surprised] You're giving me shit? He's the one trying to get laid at his Dad's funeral!
Barry Burke: Everyone knows you're too busy chasing around random skanks to spend time with your son.
Barry Burke: Any guy would gladly get up to his nuts in her guts, okay? That's not up for dispute here.
Goker: I do not sell women to men who hate women! We do not sell bitches! If we did, it would be called Goker's Mail Order Bitches!
Ben: [in Spanish] I would like to hurl myself off a cliff and die a fiery death.
Juanita: [in Spanish] I am so with you on that.
Goker: She'd marry a raccoon with an extended asshole if it got her out of her fucking village.