Alan tries to cure Walden's divorce grief with alcohol and cable porn. Thus they discover that Lyndsey has starred in such a revealing production. Alan first mounts his high horse, then overdoes 'letting her off' by admitting his own moral deviations, hence ends up dumped. Walden meanwhile seeks simpler comfort in baking sweet stuff, but Berta spikes a cake. To cheer up Alan, he throws a libertine party, unknowing Lyndsey is coming to give Alan another chance. Walden prevents her finding Alan 'anughty', yet he repeats his excessive honesty.
Lyndsey dumps Alan after he agrees to be completely honest about his past, and a stoned Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing him a party.
- 'Two and a Half Men" - "A Giant Cat Holding Churro" - Oct. 17, 2011
Lynsdey turns down Alan for sex even though he's taken a Viagra. She says dinner is setting heavily and sex would be like putting a pin in a balloon. He objects to being likened to a pin and tries to coax her into doing something anyway since he took the pill. She declines and ends up tossing him out.
He heads out to chat with Walden who is trying to drink Bridget off his mind. They flip on the TV. They check out some soft-core porn. Walden says he feels bad for the girls. Alan is more interested. Suddenly they realize it's Lyndsey as "the wench" in the movie. Walden says he' s going upstairs to masturbate. Alan is aghast that Walden is going to pleasure himself to Lyndsey. Walden replies he only masturbates to fantasies of Bridget whom he thinks is the sexiest woman ever. Alan is surprised saying he never even thought about having sex with his wife when he was having sex with his wife. He turns his attention back to the TV and complains that Lyndsey never lets him do those things. He starts undoing his robe and says "until now."
Alan and Lyndsey are at breakfast and he's being terse with her, even though she offered to have sex this morning. She can't believe he turned her down. Berta arrives, she is snappy. Lyndsey leaves and Alan is curt to her. Berta says Lyndsey is an attractive woman and she shouldn't settle. She then says she means "bye." She then tricks Alan into believing she cares about his relationship problems. He starts unloading his fears and she walks away. Walden comes in and says in light of watching Lyndsey's movie he wants to learn how to bake. (She played a wench in a 16th century kitchen.)
Alan goes to Lyndsey and says they need to talk. He tells her he saw her porn movie. She objects to being called a porn star. She says it was just a little nudity and she was young, stupid, and needed the money. Alan says he feels like an idiot she didn't tell him. She says she feels like an idiot, the casting director on that movie told her he could get her a job on "Melrose Place." (Get it?!?)
He asks if she has any other secrets. She says turnabout it fair play and asks if he has any secrets first. This discussion of things they're ashamed of starts with him admitting to let a dog lick his testicles and ends with him kissing a guy to make sure he wasn't gay. She then summarizing saying he embezzled from his family, cheated on her, may be the father of Judith's baby and he then adds that he stole the earrings he gave her the previous Christmas from his ex-wife. He says it feels good to get all this off his chest. He says it's her turn now. She kicks him out and he realizes he probably shouldn't have gone first.
Walden and Berta are having fun making brownies. They have a "special" ingredient. They're both high. She is also attaching purple feathers to his head. Alan comes in and lays the news on them that he and Lyndsey broke up because he was honest with her. Berta says the only time to be totally honest is when the paramedics asks "what did you take?" Alan goes to be alone. Walden says he knows it's hard loving someone when they don't love you back. Berta says she doesn't have to love her back.
Alan calls Lyndsey and says the only reason he was so honest was because he cares about her and trusts her and he never told anyone many of those things and he hopes she doesn't either. He says he loves her and he's sorry about making a big deal out of her film career. And then he says he got a really big kick out of seeing her original breasts. He realizes this was a mistake. Walden calls Alan to the living room.
The room is full of the Malibu College beach volleyballl team eating Walden's brownies. Alan isn't feeling the party. Then Walden asks what he's going to do with all these hot women in bikinis getting stoned out of their minds. Alan notes this is a good point and says he's in. The women cover him in whipped cream and chocolate sauce, naked. Berta returns with her face painted like a cat. She is not sure how this happened. Then Lyndsey arrives. She asks if Alan is there. Walden says he doesn't think so. He says he'll check. He finds Alan and dumps him off the patio just as the women are about to "eat him." Walden returns and tells Lyndsey that he's not there. Alan emerges covered in sand. They bicker about Walden throwing him off the deck as opposed to simply saying he wasn't there. Walden says next time. Then he breaks the great news: "we got a cat."
Alan and Lyndsey make up, she says every good relationship has got to be based on honesty. He agrees. She asks where he was when she came over to the house. He says "honesty,right?" She says right. We cut to her throwing him out. Presumably he was honest. He says as he walks away "I'm such a schmuck!'