One autumn morning, a vicious bully pins little Paul down and hocks a big, wet loogie right into his mouth. Now some twenty years later, that fateful day has left Paul traumatized and unable to kiss. It isn't for want of trying, though. He's gone on many dates with fantastic women, but just when it comes time for that goodnight kiss, he is plagued by terrible visions of mouths. Of swishing. Of spit. Then, Paul meets Carla, the girl of his dreams, and his sialophobia becomes too much to bear. Now he must do whatever it takes to keep Carla and finally get his first kiss, even if it means some radically unconventional therapy.