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Quotes

Mike: Feelings are like kids. You don't want them driving the car, but you don't want to stuff them in the trunk, either.

Mike: It's like trying to quit crack while the pipe is attached to your body.

Mike: Worry is just meditating on shit.

Phoebe: Yes, my tits are fake. That's what happens when your real ones try to kill you.

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Neil: No Dede, don't. Where are you?

Dede: Outside his place.

Neil: What? No!

Dede: I can't help it.

Neil: Alright. Listen to me, okay? I want you to turn around and go someplace safe. What's near you?

[Dede pauses to think]

Neil: [shouts] Think!

Dede: Okay, f**k! The salon where I work is pretty close.

Neil: Where is it? TELL ME!

Dede: Damn, dude. You just got all Jack Bauer on me.

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Neil: Hi mom, I'm a little busy right now.

Roberta: That's funny, because I wasn't too busy to give birth to you 28 years ago.

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Adam: I hate everyone except for you.

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Mike: It's easy to be skinny on a desert island.

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Neil: Wow! You, like, literally transplanted a baby's butt on my face.

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Mike: Is all of Manhattan just one big f***ing catwalk?

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Phoebe: My last boyfriend was an alcoholic and I promised myself I would never date an addict again.

Adam: I'm not an alcoholic.

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Phoebe: I just ran a 10K.

Adam: Okay, my... my initial reaction is to say, "well, I just ran a marathon", but I can't tell if you're joking or if you're serious.

Phoebe: I'm as serious as cancer.

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Neil: I got fired yesterday for filming up my boss's skirt.

[pause]

Neil: I told her it was for a documentary called what the ground sees.

[Everyone chuckles]

Neil: Oddly enough, she didn't buy it.

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Adam: Oh no, our reservation!

Phoebe: Oh, it's fine. We still have like 28 minutes.

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Cabbie: Hey, move your shit fat girl.

Neil: I'm a guy, asshole.

[Pounds on the cab]

Neil: a fat guy.

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Mike: I cannot believe you are voluntarily going to swim in the Hudson fucking river.

Katie: Mike!

[Tries to stop Mike saying curse words in front of Phoebe]

Mike: This isn't what...

[to Katie]

Mike: I know that she is a big girl.

[to Phoebe]

Mike: Sorry about the language.

Phoebe: That's okay. I accept your fucking apology.

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Katie: [Phoebe cries] Hey, what's wrong?

Phoebe: I just think I'm worried about this whole addict thing, you know.

Katie: Mmm-hmmm.

Phoebe: I mean I just... Do you ever worry that you'll be just humming along and then, he's just gonna veer off back into the darkness?

Katie: In my experience, the only way that I can do this is just to keep the focus on myself.

Phoebe: Meaning?

Katie: Meaning... ummm... What about my side of the street? What are my issues that I have to deal with? After all, I picked an addict... Says something.

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Danny: You think I could be your best man when you two get married?

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Adam: Dude, you really are Anthony Edwards.

Neil: Fuck that. I'm George Clooney.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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