Cinema Snob: Christ sake, the opening credit names are being sucked up, much like their careers. If the vacuum can suck up the rest of the movie, this should be relatively painless to sit through.
Cinema Snob: Thank you, movie, now I know that the town has street lights and birds. Birds who apparently like to crap yogurt on peoples' heads.
Cinema Snob: Wow, underneath all that dirt he was the Micro Machine man.
Cinema Snob: You know what? It's a fucking vacuum cleaner. It shouldn't be this fucking hard to escape the goddamn thing, and I've seen The Refrigerator! Granted the fridge didn't fuck the guy directly afterwards.
Therapist: Vernon, it's not normal to carry on mature relations with a household appliance.
Cinema Snob: It's also not normal to cut away in the middle of your scene to a vacuum cleaner shitting!
Cinema Snob: The detective puts together a... really? A line-up? A fucking line-up of vacuum cleaners? Here's an idea: if the vacuum is moving on its own, that's the one who did it. If it's not moving, clean the fucking floor.
Cinema Snob: Meanwhile on planet Apple, the aliens from earlier are enjoying a nice steam.
Cinema Snob: [reading critic quote on DVD box] "This could potentially be one of the greatest films in cinematic history." It's not!
Cinema Snob: But don't take my word for it. What do you have to say, Cinema Bum?
Cinema Bum: I don't have anything to say about this movie. I'm fucking homeless. I need a fucking job.
Cinema Snob: [laughs] He's so silly.
Cinema Snob: I sat through the entire movie and I still don't want to fuck my vacuum cleaner.
Cinema Snob: These are some of the cheesiest alien effects I've ever seen. Let's hope the shot of their ship is a tad bit better... What the fuck? It's a Simon machine? What, couldn't find enough glue to attach a Super Sonic?
Cinema Snob: [after a poor shot of a claymation alien urinating into a bottle] Wow, they literally just pissed away their budget.
Cinema Snob: So the movie doesn't get too carried away, it takes a little break so Rena can watch television, and whatever she's watching sounds funnier than the rest of the movie.
Cinema Snob: Once they realize the vacuum they created through bum love has grown a mind of its own, a female alien is sent down to seduce Vernon, because... why not? Let's hope he doesn't give in to temptation. At least this will give him something to talk about in therapy.
Cinema Snob: Wow, that scared him so much he turned back into a freeze frame.
Cinema Snob: Oh yeah, and we're apparently ahead nine months in the story because Rena is about to give birth. Alright, so what the fuck's gonna pop out of there? Larvae? John Hurt's Alien... oh, a Cabbage Patch Kid wearing the skin of a mini-vac. Obviously!
Voiceover: Maybe life has a sequel.
Cinema Snob: True, life may have a sequel, but this movie sure as hell didn't.
Cinema Snob: Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars starts out with something you never want to see in a bad movie: a dedication. "For Ken Sweet, who loved to laugh." Then he would have hated this movie.
Cinema Snob: Special Appearance by Ray Zone Day? I don't know who that is, but I like it better than an appearance by Red Zone Cuba.
Cinema Snob: You know, it really doesn't matter to me what movie I watch today, as long as it's not Night of Horror, it's a step up. A huge fucking step up. What's that? It's about a killer vacuum brought to life by aliens and a horny homeless man? Still a step up. Still not as bad as Night of Horror.
Cinema Snob: Easy there, claymation, you're almost getting the beer in their mouths.
Cinema Snob: At least it's a murder weapon that can clean up its own crime scene.