Hans: An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.
Billy: No, it doesn't. There'll be one guy left with one eye. How's the last blind guy gonna take out the eye of the last guy left?
Hans: Fuck the cops! Fuck them! No fucking cops!
Marty: That's just fucking great! Oh great! Do you know what that is?
Marty: Do you know what that is?
Marty: That's just fucking great!
Billy: Hiya Kaya!
Zachariah: You didn't think I was what? Serious? You think I'm not serious just because I carry a rabbit?
Marty: Are you pissed at me, baby?
Kaya: Why would I be pissed at you, Marty?
Billy: [Kaya brushes past Billy and slams the door as she leaves] Because you're a cunt?
Marty: [warningly] Billy!
Billy: You can't let the animals die in a movie... only the women.
Paulo: Put your hands up!
Hans: I said no.
Paulo: Why not?
Hans: Because I don't want to.
Paulo: But I've got a gun...
Hans: I don't care.
Paulo: It doesn't make any sense!
Hans: Too bad!
Billy: How's the Seven Psychopaths coming, Marty?
Marty: Slow, slow. I've got the title, y'know... just haven't been able to come up with all the psychopaths yet.
Billy: How many you got?
Marty: One. And he ain't really much of a psychopath. He's more of a... kind of a Buddhist.
Billy: A Buddhist?
Marty: Yeah, I'm sick of all these stereotypical Hollywood murderer scumbag type psychopath movies. I don't want it to be one more film about guys with guns in their hands. I want it... overall... to be about love... and peace. But it still has to be about these seven psychopaths, so this Buddhist psychopath, he... he doesn't believe in violence. I don't know what the fuck he's going to do in the movie.
Zachariah: I'm going to be over to kill you Tuesday.
Marty: [Nods] . That's good, I'm not doing anything Tuesday.
Hans: Have some pride, in yourself. Have some faith in Jesus Christ as your lord and dont tell this scumsucking motherfuckers nothing.
Tommy: You ever shoot a guy in his eyeball?
Larry: I stabbed a guy in his ear once. Ice pick, right in his fucking ear.
Tommy: Yeah see, that'd be a different subject. That'd be ears.
Larry: Are you nervous because we're killing a chick?
Tommy: Yeah, look at me, I'm shaking. I got the chick-killing shakes.
Marty: How are you ever gonna get a job, Billy, if you break the director guy's nose before you even got the part?
Billy: I didn't mean to break his nose. His nose was just in the middle of where I was punching.
Charlie: Should've brought that gun along, buddy.
Marty: I don't believe in them.
Charlie: In guns? You don't believe in guns? They ain't fucking leprechauns, you dumb Mick.
Billy: Is that a guinea pig? It's a gerbil, isn't it? That's enormous. Hey, Marty, we just seen some kind of giant gerbil.
[Marty punches Billy]
Billy: Marty, you alcoholic fucking bastard.
Hans: Yeah, you might wanna stop drinking, Martin, if this is the way you're gonna behave.
Marty: If this is the way I'm gonna... This guy just telephoned a psycho-killer to come down and psycho-kill us. And this guy's doubting a lifelong belief in the afterlife because of a psychedelic cactus he just ate. And you motherfuckers are telling me to be
Billy: Whoa. Whoa. Time out. What's all this about doubting a lifelong belief in the afterlife because of a psychedelic cactus you just ate? Hans, what the heck?
Hans: I met Myra. On the ridge. She had some things to say.
Billy: About the afterlife being non-existent or something?
Hans: That was the gist.
Billy: No, no, it might have sounded like Myra. But you know why? Now don't get mad, but you know I can do Myra's voice pretty good. Yeah, I snuck up there a little while ago and I pretended to be her. I started saying all kinds of crazy stuff.
Hans: Hmm? But what specifically did you say? About the place you were in? The place Myra was in. Huh? How did you describe it, specifically?
Billy: You mean specifically?
Billy: I just kind of said it was all kind of... I just kind of said it was all kind of gray and shit.
Hans: My wife is sitting on a chair someplace. Some gray place. I thought she'd be in Heaven, but she's sitting on a chair with a bullet in her head. I thought they'd have cleaned that kind of stuff up.
Marty: Maybe you've just eaten too many hallucinogenic cactuses tonight, Hans.
Hans: Nothing to do with the hallucinogens.
Marty: But you've just seen Myra on a chair with a bullet through her head.
Hans: In some gray place.
Hans: It seemed a lot worse than that.
[Marty Tells Vietnamese psychopath story]
Billy: That's a great fuckin' psychopath Marty!
Marty: [sighs] Yeah... But it's not what I wanna really be writin' about anymore.
Billy: [pauses to think] Hey new idea how 'bout we change the title from The Seven Psychopaths to The Seven Lesbians Who Are All Disabled And Have Overcome All Their Spazzy Shit And Are Really Nice to Everybody And Two of Them Are Black. How 'bout that?
Hans: An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, I believe that wholeheartedly.
Billy: No it doesn't. There'll be one guy left with one eye. Hows the last blind guy gonna take out the eye of the last guy left, who's still got one eye! All that guy has to do is run away and hide behind a bush. Gandhi was wrong, it's just that nobody's got the balls to come right out and say it.
Marty: I don't have a drinking problem. I just like drinking.
Hans: We can't leave him.
Marty: You ain't gonna fight.
Hans: Of course I ain't gonna fight, but I ain't gonna run.
Marty: What are you gonna do then.
Hans: I guess I'm gonna die.
Marty: Friends don't make their friends die Hans.
Hans: Psychopathic friends do. You're the one thought psychopaths were so interesting, but they're kinda tiresome after awhile don't you think?