Principal Seymour Skinner: Edna, control your student. He's ruined more school assemblies than the sun in the northern window.
Edna Krabappel: I tried, but he's uncontrollable. Frowny stickers mean nothing to him.
Edna Krabappel: In all my years of teaching, I've never raised my hand at a student.
Homer Simpson: But you learned. You grew.
Marge Simpson: Homer! You never strike a child. Just leave the crust on their sandwiches. They'll get the message.
Edna Krabappel: So I get paid to do nothing all day?
Principal Seymour Skinner: I'm afraid it's not that simple.
Superintendent Chalmers: Who's in charge of this meeting, Skinner?
Homer Simpson: [whispers to Marge] I thought I was.
Bart Simpson: You shouldn't be punished for something I did. You should just go unpunished forever.
Edna Krabappel: Half-assed apology accepted.
Ned Flanders: Is there a volcano erupting in Candyland? 'Cause I just caught me a falling Red Hot.
Homer Simpson: [Greeting Ned and Edna at the door] Well, if it isn't the local schoolmarm... and his new girlfriend. Ha, ha, ha! That's a burn on you, Flanders.
Bart Simpson: Having Krabappel next door is nothing but trouble. Kids and teachers can't live together. We're natural enemies, like George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.
Homer Simpson: We need to break up Teachie and Preachie. Here's how we'll do it: I'll take Flanders to remind him of the care-free single life, and you scare Rod and Tod by telling them that Edna will be their evil stepmother.
Bart Simpson: If there's anything fairy tales have taught us is that first wives are perfect and second wives are horrible.
Homer Simpson: Just the opposite of real life.
Homer Simpson: I never dreamed that beneath all those diddlies and doodlies there was a dude.
Comic Book Guy: My e-mail account is Ednalover172. It was the lowest number available.
Edna Krabappel: You're darn lucky to have Ned Flanders as a neighbor.
Ned Flanders: Language.
Homer Simpson: Yeah, language.
Superintendent Chalmers: Now to turn on this malfunctioning air conditioner.
[White clumps fall out of air conditioner]
Edna Krabappel: Is that ice?
Superintendent Chalmers: No, spider egg sacs.
[Spiders hatch and crawl into mouth of sleeping man]
Superintendent Chalmers: He's a science teacher. He'll know what to do.