Family Guy (TV Series)
Foreign Affairs (2011)
Seth Green: Chris Griffin
Photos
Quotes
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Meg Griffin : The goat flu outbreak at school is over and, honestly, I'm afraid we're not learning anything.
Peter Griffin : Ohhhh Meg, you couldn't be wronger. You're learning everything! Watch! CHRIS! Dates! Battle of Hastings?
Chris Griffin : I don't know.
Peter Griffin : Franco-Prussian War?
Chris Griffin : I don't know.
Peter Griffin : Sherman's March to the Sea?
Chris Griffin : I don't know.
Peter Griffin : Cuban Missile Crisis?
Chris Griffin : No idea.
Peter Griffin : Trail of Tears?
Chris Griffin : Never heard of it.
Peter Griffin : Death of Charlemagne?
Chris Griffin : What is that?
Peter Griffin : Treaty of Augsburg?
Chris Griffin : I got nothin'.
Peter Griffin : Cortez reaches South America?
Chris Griffin : Pumping a dry well.
Peter Griffin : San Juan Hill?
Chris Griffin : No!
Peter Griffin : Wounded Knee?
Chris Griffin : Stop!
Peter Griffin : Great Schism?
Chris Griffin : DAD!
Peter Griffin : Ahh, I'll take you back to school.
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Teacher : [turning around the class on his scooter, completely naked] This is what my class is all about! Learn with me, children! Let's teach each other!
Peter Griffin : [appearing in Chris' thought and whispering] Chris... you know this
Chris Griffin : [raising his hand] Sherman's March to the Seal!
Teacher : Yes! Finally someone gets it!
[crashes off screen]
Teacher : Ah! Fuck, children! My cock-sucking elbow! Oh, all the saints in Christendom! My elbow's shattered! Oh, it's shattered to fuck! Somebody get the nurse! Get that big, fucking black nurse! Oh, I'm so fucked!
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Lois Griffin : Okay, bye, everyone. Kids, you mind your father while I'm gone. Love you.
Meg Griffin : Bye, Mom.
Chris Griffin : Bye!
Lois Griffin : Oh, Peter, I almost forgot. Here's some money for groceries and a list of the kids' schedules.
Stewie Griffin : The fat man in charge for a week? He's gonna be in over his head. Like when he was a boxing coach.
Peter Griffin : [cut to him as a boxing corner man] Punch him! Punch him again! Punch him! Punch him now! Again! Now you're getting punched! Punch back! Don't let him hit you! Get out of the way! Punch him!
[the bell signaling the end of the round rings]
Peter Griffin : You know what I'm gonna tell you. You gotta punch him more.
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Meg Griffin : Is everything all right?
Peter Griffin : [in a poor disguise] Everything's fine. It's me. I just dressed up like your father to jazz your teachers and get you out of here.
Chris Griffin : What do you mean?
Peter Griffin : I'm taking you out of here. That place is riddled with goat flu, so I'm gonna homeschool you kids.
Chris Griffin : Oh, okay.
Meg Griffin : Dad, where'd you get this car?
Peter Griffin : I borrowed it from Quagmire. He's not home 'cause he got abducted by aliens last night.
Glenn Quagmire : [cut to the bridge of a UFO] So, do you guys just not do the anal probe anymore? Is that...?
Alien : No, that's more or less been retired.
Glenn Quagmire : I see, I see. D-Do you still have the thing?
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Peter Griffin : [homeschooling Meg and Chris] Good morning, class.
Meg Griffin , Chris Griffin : Morning, Dad.
Peter Griffin : We're gonna need a few things for this class; an eagerness to learn, a thirst for knowledge. But one thing we won't need is this.
[taking his tie off and throwing it in a trash can]
Peter Griffin : That's right. I know you're all used to teachers wearing tuxedos and Dracula capes, but not this one.
[removing the rest of his clothes]
Peter Griffin : There will be no pretense in this classroom. There will only be open minds and new horizons. Get ready for adventure. I know some teachers think class should be an exercise in structure, but not Mr. Griffin.
[taking out and beginning to ride a kick scooter]
Peter Griffin : This is what my class will be! This! Learn with me! Let's teach each other!
Chris Griffin : Yay, learning!
[Meg remains seated while he strips naked and begins riding a scooter, too]
Peter Griffin : Chris, A! Meg, F!
