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"The Big Bang Theory" The Roommate Transmogrification (TV Episode 2011) Poster

Quotes

Penny: Can I tell you a secret?

Raj Koothrappali: Yeah.

Penny: I screwed up. Leonard's a great guy. Never should have broken up with him.

Raj Koothrappali: Well er, to paraphrase Shakespeare - It's better to have loved and lost than to stay home every night and download increasingly shameful pornography.

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Penny: What happened to Leonard?

Sheldon Cooper: Same thing that happened to Homo erectus. He was replaced by a superior species.

Raj Koothrappali: I'm the new Homo in town!

[pause]

Raj Koothrappali: That came out wrong.

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Sheldon Cooper: What are you doing here?

Leonard Hofstadter: What?

Sheldon Cooper: I said, what are you doing here?

Leonard Hofstadter: I live here.

Sheldon Cooper: I have paperwork that says differently.

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Sheldon Cooper: The apartment has three emergency exits located here, here, and here. In the event of a power outage, luminescent paint will guide you to the nearest exit.

Raj Koothrappali: You're kidding.

[Sheldon turns off the lights, revealing glowing arrows on the floor]

Sheldon Cooper: I never kid about safety.

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Penny: [to Raj after Leonard leaves] Explain something to me. You watched Leonard put up with that guy for years and years. What has to break inside your brain for you to think: "Oh, Krishna, I've got to get me some of that?".

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Sheldon Cooper: Man is not the only species that ferments fruit in order to become intoxicated. Can you guess what the other is? A hint: sometimes they pack the alcohol in their trunks.

Penny: Monkeys!

Sheldon Cooper: When does a monkey have a trunk?

Penny: When a suitcase just won't do.

[Penny and Raj laugh]

Sheldon Cooper: All right. It would appear as if alcohol is playing keep-away with your intelligence.

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[first lines]

Penny: Hi, you guys ready to order?

Sheldon Cooper: [the gang mutters consent] Sure.

Penny: 'Kay. Priya?

Priya Koothrappali: I'll have the Shepherd's pie.

[to Leonard]

Priya Koothrappali: You want to split that with me?

Penny: Oh, no, no, no, he doesn't.

Priya Koothrappali: Why not?

Penny: Well, you know, milk in the taters, milk in the gravy, parmesan crust... your lactose-intolerant boyfriend will turn into a gas-filled Macy's day balloon.

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Howard Wolowitz: You gotta like this. The girlfriend, the ex-girlfriend bonding over your rooty-tooty stinky booty.

Leonard Hofstadter: Kill me.

Sheldon Cooper: It wouldn't help. The human body is capable of being flatulent for hours after death.

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[Bernadette is getting her Ph.D]

Penny: Wow! So that means you're a doctor, you're a doctor, you're a doctor, you're a doctor... and Howard, you know a lot of doctors!

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Sheldon Cooper: I must say, Amy, I was very impressed to see that Bernadette got her Ph.D.

Amy Farrah Fowler: It's indeed admirable. Although it is microbiology.

Sheldon Cooper: Your doctorate is in neurobiology. I fail to see the distinction.

Amy Farrah Fowler: I'll make it simple for you. I study the brain, the organ responsible for Beethoven's "Fifth Symphony." Bernadette studies yeast, the organism responsible for Michelob Light.

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Leonard Hofstadter: Does Sheldon know you're sleeping in here?

Raj Koothrappali: Are you kidding? He made me sign a waiver, participate in an emergency fire drill, and take a refresher course in CPR. Thank God he had a dummy.

Leonard Hofstadter: Oh yeah, Mouth-to-Mouth Mona. You know she used to date Howard?

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[last lines]

Penny: [after Penny drunkenly sleeps with Raj, she tries to sneak out, but is finds Sheldon, Leonard, and Howard in the living room] Damn.

Leonard Hofstadter: What is going on?

Penny: [laughing nervously] Oh, it's, it's not what it looks like.

[embarrassed, Penny quickly leaves]

Sheldon Cooper: What does it look like?

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Raj Koothrappali: What's wrong with me, Penny?

Penny: Nothing, nothing. You know, if we weren't friends - and you hadn't brought up that creepy pornography story - I'd be on you like the speed of light squared on matter to make energy.

Raj Koothrappali: Hey, you totally got that right! E equals M C squared.

Penny: I listen. I have no idea what it means, but I listen.

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Leonard Hofstadter: Do you really think you should be eating that cake?

Howard Wolowitz: Why?

Leonard Hofstadter: If you're gonna be a trophy husband for a rich wife, you might want to watch your waistline.

Raj Koothrappali: He's right. A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.

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