- Riaad Moosa: This guy was an Indian, right? He was an Indian Scotsman! And that got me thinking: when did the Indians get to Scotland in the first place? Because in that movie Braveheart, there were no MacNaidoos over there. It's like: "Are you ready?" "No, I'm Patel, Reddy's my cousin."
- Riaad Moosa: [talking about his bad reception in London] He called me a 'Paki', man, a Paki! I was offended because a 'Paki' is like a derogatory term like 'hotnot', 'coolie', Liverpool supporter...
- Bevan Cullinan: [woken up very early by a call from John Vlismas] It's two o'clock in the fucking morning, John.
- Loyiso Gola: [as a South African soccer fan shouting at a female streaker] You think Surprise Morena's going to let you run?
- John Vlismas: [Horrible scream from the audience] That's a Zimbabwean who's never used a vibrator before. You must remove the packaging.
- Loyiso Gola: [On why black South Africans don't read because of a fear of letter bombs] What happened to Jabulani? Oh, he was reading, that one.