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Mike JGuru Larry: Merry Christmas.

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Mike J: [there's a knock at the door] I wasn't expecting anybody. How strange... maybe it's Santa!

[opens the door, finding its Guru Larry]

Mike J: Santa... you've let yourself go a bit.

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Guru Larry: Christmas Vacation 2? Are you serious?

Mike J: I'm afraid so.

Guru Larry: Fuck that, I'm getting out of here.

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Mike J: Oh dear. Fred Willard, what has become of ye?

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Mike J: It turns out that the monkey's smarter than Eddie, which means Eddie for some reason has to get fired.

Guru Larry: For some reason, they decided to stop Eddie's character from being a bit of an idiot to someone who's completely retarded.

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Guru Larry: So not only is Eddie retarded, but he can also change the laws of physics.

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Guru Larry: Look, seriously, why do they have to keep calling each other "Cousin" all the time? I mean, I've got a cousin, but I don't keep calling him Cousin Frank all the time.

Mike J: So what do you call him?

Guru Larry: Tom.

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Guru Larry: Some old fucker then shows up and introduces himself as Uncle Nick.

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Guru Larry: Oh look, a farting dog in an airport. How amusing.

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Mike J: Eddie then hurries and knocks this man into an x-ray machine. In the director's cut, they then show that man dying of cancer.

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Guru Larry: Eric Idle? Bloody hell, you should be ashamed of yourself, man.

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Man in Airport: I'm English.

Mike JGuru Larry: Me too!

Mike J: No you're not, you still haven't got any tea.

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Mike J: Really? One hour later and he just thinks of the key?

Guru Larry: What, were you expecting a little joke out of that build up?

Mike J: Good point.

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Mike J: [offers Larry a glass of water] There you are. You're lucky to get *that*.

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Guru Larry: Again, was that a joke?

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Mike J: Didn't have the budget to make water come out of both ears, eh? Classy.

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Guru Larry: What? The boat wasn't even stuck? Why didn't they just drive away then?

Mike J: Larry, you don't drive a boat.

Guru Larry: What do you do, then?

Mike J: You sail a boat.

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Guru Larry: How many shots do we need to see panning across that woman?

Mike J: One more?

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Guru Larry: Oh look, it's that joke again. Is it funny yet?

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Mike J: Just like Tom fucking Hanks.

Guru Larry: Don't you EVER speak badly of Tom Hanks!

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Mike J: Cut to the plane, and we see more exemplary writing.

Eddie: Hey, look at all those people down there. They look like ants.

Third: Those are ants, Dad, the plane hasn't taken off yet.

Mike J: Marvelous.

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Mike J: You know, my uncle used to greet me like that.

Guru Larry: I'm sorry to hear that.

Mike J: Don't be, he was my favorite uncle.

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Mike J: [Larry laughs hysterically] Do you genuinely find that funny?

Guru Larry: What? Oh, no, no, I was just thinking about something else.

Mike J: What was it?

Guru Larry: A shoe.

Mike J: What was it about the shoe?

Guru Larry: Just a shoe.

Mike J: Ha, you're right, it is funnier than this movie.

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