Mike J: [there's a knock at the door] I wasn't expecting anybody. How strange... maybe it's Santa!
[opens the door, finding its Guru Larry]
Mike J: Santa... you've let yourself go a bit.
Guru Larry: Christmas Vacation 2? Are you serious?
Mike J: I'm afraid so.
Guru Larry: Fuck that, I'm getting out of here.
Mike J: It turns out that the monkey's smarter than Eddie, which means Eddie for some reason has to get fired.
Guru Larry: For some reason, they decided to stop Eddie's character from being a bit of an idiot to someone who's completely retarded.
Guru Larry: So not only is Eddie retarded, but he can also change the laws of physics.
Guru Larry: Look, seriously, why do they have to keep calling each other "Cousin" all the time? I mean, I've got a cousin, but I don't keep calling him Cousin Frank all the time.
Mike J: So what do you call him?
Guru Larry: Tom.
Guru Larry: Some old fucker then shows up and introduces himself as Uncle Nick.
Mike J: Eddie then hurries and knocks this man into an x-ray machine. In the director's cut, they then show that man dying of cancer.
Guru Larry: Eric Idle? Bloody hell, you should be ashamed of yourself, man.
Man in Airport: I'm English.
Mike J: No you're not, you still haven't got any tea.
Mike J: Really? One hour later and he just thinks of the key?
Guru Larry: What, were you expecting a little joke out of that build up?
Mike J: Good point.
Mike J: [offers Larry a glass of water] There you are. You're lucky to get *that*.
Mike J: Didn't have the budget to make water come out of both ears, eh? Classy.
Guru Larry: What? The boat wasn't even stuck? Why didn't they just drive away then?
Mike J: Larry, you don't drive a boat.
Guru Larry: What do you do, then?
Mike J: You sail a boat.
Mike J: Cut to the plane, and we see more exemplary writing.
Eddie: Hey, look at all those people down there. They look like ants.
Third: Those are ants, Dad, the plane hasn't taken off yet.
Mike J: Marvelous.
Mike J: You know, my uncle used to greet me like that.
Guru Larry: I'm sorry to hear that.
Mike J: Don't be, he was my favorite uncle.
Mike J: [Larry laughs hysterically] Do you genuinely find that funny?
Guru Larry: What? Oh, no, no, I was just thinking about something else.
Mike J: What was it?
Guru Larry: A shoe.
Mike J: What was it about the shoe?
Guru Larry: Just a shoe.
Mike J: Ha, you're right, it is funnier than this movie.