Brad Jones: Cinema Snob

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Cinema Snob : There is... is no way in hell... no... reason... why I should be sitting here... reviewing this movie. I cannot think of any sort of... logical... explanation... or something that would make sense to the fact that this movie... was released. This movie would make a seedy porn shop owner slash rapist wanna hide the movie behind the counter for fear that he would be judged negatively as a person. Nevermind the fact that the movie was made because we've all made shitty movies, but the fact... that this movie... got released, that somebody saw this movie and distributed it... well, that should make... every kindergartener with a camcorder proud because it certainly... it, it certainly paves the way for movies that feature ants burning. I would call this film "shot on shitteo" because it is. It certainly is, but you don't know how shitty this movie looks. This movie makes "Crazy Fat Ethel 2" look like "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow". You could make a frame by frame stick figure replica of this film in a flip book and it would look better than the quality of this flick... but now, here comes the tragic part... where I actually have to show you clips of it... and I feel like a doctor informing a patient that they are about to die.

• Cinema Snob : I've seen videos of skateboarders getting their limbs broken that are better edited than this.