Remember when John Wayne played Genghis Khan in that horrible 1956 movie The Conqueror? The Snob shows us how the Duke fared as that tyrannical Asian, but perfect-English-speaking despot as he reviews the movie and discusses its very bleak production history.
To the Cinema Snob's extreme dismay, he discovers that The Geek does in fact have a sequel. However, he soon discovers that it's not so much a sequel as it is an unrelated porno short disguised as a bigfoot movie.
Throw another bad Sasquatch movie on the barbie. Today, the Snob watches a monster movie that's not so much about a monster, but rather a morbidly obese man working at an all (little) girls ranch. The movie even has its own built-in Fat Grandma cameo.
The Cinema Snob decides to review Mommie Dearest in light of Mothers' Day. While he expects to find a campy dark comedy, he quickly discovers that this movie is in fact disturbing and very over-the-top, and not in a funny way.
The Big Guy is coming back to the big screen, so the Cinema Snob decides to review one of the old Godzilla movies. Naturally, he chooses a bad one: from 1969, a kooky, kid-friendly, sappy disgrace to the King of Monsters: Godzilla's Revenge.
Cinema Snob watches another gay porn. This one features a slick secret agent going against a gender-ambiguous villain and her flaming sidekick bent on ridding mankind of its sex drive. Needless to say, The Snob doesn't have a gay old time.
The Snob looks at a movie by famed porn director John T. Bone. And what does he expect from a movie called Invasion of the Samurai Sluts from Hell? Well, there's pitiful Samurais, plenty of sluts and an hour of Hell.
The Snob finally gets around to reviewing the third Friday the 13th outing, and for a special experiment, he conducts the entire review in 3D. So put on the glasses if you got'em and watch Brad reach, point and throw crap at the camera.
In honor of the new Transformers movie hitting theaters, the Cinema Snob reviews the follow-up to Robot Jox, which is not so much a follow-up as it is just some random, stupid, cheap, future sci-fi yarn about robotic warfare.
Another bizzare and untrue bio is on the menu today, except this one isn't as disrespectful as Wired, but as the Cinema Snob discovers, it still portrays its subject as a simpleton and barely a shadow of who he really was.
The Cinema Snob reviews the 1983 Italian movie Hercules, starring Lou Ferrigno. It's chock full of bad dubbing, bad special effects, giant robot toys and science talk that would make Dr. Insano call foul.
As if the world didn't already have enough bad Hercules movies. The Cinema Snob watches as the universe's strongest man returns for more of the same nonsense. Also returning is the evil king who knows as much about science as a creationist.