Morgan Grimes: You are my future step-father. This will not stand! Now come on - we're men! Men who take what's theirs! You have to march into that house, slam your fist on the counter. And then you look at my mother in the *eye* and you say "Bologna, I am so sorry *woman*... but I have to work at the Buy More all weekend." You see, this way when she asks me, I'll say "Yeah, we have all this new inventory and we have to work around the clock." Boom!
Lester Patel: Boom!
Morgan Grimes: Heh.
Big Mike: The greatest thing... a white person's ever done for me.
Sarah Walker: [as male strippers dance around her] Ooo. Um, is that gun? No.
John Casey: How are the spears coming?
Devon Woodcomb: [Devon and Morgan turn around pointing their spears] You are lucky we didn't kill you with these spears. They are really sharp.
Morgan Grimes: I feel so bad for those mercenaries right about now. Zah!
[Morgan thrust his spear]
John Casey: You ought to. They're dead.
Devon Woodcomb: Dead? Well, what are these for?
John Casey: They kept you out of my way.
Chuck Bartowski: And I-I-I don't think there should be any secrets between the two of us.
Ellie Bartowski: I've been working on something secret. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to worry.
Chuck Bartowski: I know about dad's laptop, and his research. Mom told me.
Ellie Bartowski: So why are we here?
[Ellie chuckles. Then a sudden realization]
Ellie Bartowski: You're still a spy!
Ellie Bartowski: I was going to use this to find Agent X.
Chuck Bartowski: Ellie, you've found him. You're looking at the first human Intersect. It's me.
Ellie Bartowski: No, not unless he gave it to you before you were born. November 21, 1980.
Sarah Walker: What? There was an Intersect before Chuck?
John Casey: [after Ms. Winterborne hands him an M-60] You know how to feed on of these things?
Ms. Winterbone: Please, you're feeding me.
John Casey: The CIA created one of the most murderous men in the history of the world. Those powerful people spent an enormous amount of energy covering that up. What happens if they find out we know? They order a guy like me to put a bullet in each one of our heads. I'm pretty sure your dad didn't want this to end that way.
Ellie Bartowski: I-I don't think that we're supposed to stop here, Chuck. I-I don't think we're supposed to just find Agent X. We're supposed to fix him. This isn't for the CIA to solve, Chuck. I think this is for us.
John Casey: Forget the casinos. Best thing about Vegas are the gun ranges.
Mrs. Winterborne: There go my Primroses... eat lead you bastards!
Chuck Bartowski: I'm planning on having a good man-to-man talk as soon as we get to Vegas. I mean it's the perfect place to have a sincere, heartfelt conversation.
Sarah Walker: You really have never been to Vegas, have you?
Devon Woodcomb: Okay, we need to think of this weekend like a war.
John Casey: Now you're talking my language.
Devon Woodcomb: When we get there, we immediately take over the Strip.
Chuck Bartowski: I could be as funs as Vegas. 'Cause this weekend is-is about bonding after all, isn't it?
Lester Patel: No. No it isn't.
Big Mike: Not at all. It's about mistakes and gambling. And - and getting into some weird stuff that just may haunt you the rest of your life.
Lester Patel: Amen, Michael.
Sarah Walker: [as Sarah's being spun around while Ellie's making her a toilet paper dress] Ellie, wait. We need to talk. Ellie, listen this can't wait. Okay? My - my employers know about - about your father's computer. And - and I have to take it to a secure -location. Right now!
Ellie Bartowski: What? Why? What happened?
Ellie Bartowski: This isn't my bag. This is Devon's bag. He must've taken it by mistake.
Sarah Walker: You know, it's okay. There is nothing to worry about. Nobody's in any danger.
Ellie Bartowski: Okay.
[a woman screams in the background]
Devon Woodcomb: Chuck, I am so sorry that I let Ellie touch your dad's computer.
Morgan Grimes: Chuck, I am so sorry that I let this guy plan your bachelor party.