Death Valley (TV Series)

Zombie Fights (2011)

Bryan Callen: Captain Dashell

Quotes 

• Officer John 'John John' Johnson : A gentlemen's bet, right?

  Captain Dashell : Correct. Loser has to wear his balls on the outside of his pants.

  Officer John 'John John' Johnson : That's a gentlemen's bet?

  Captain Dashell : It is for me.

• Officer John 'John John' Johnson : Captain, it's the zombie fights. You know, it's like bum fights, but instead, they use zombies.

  Captain Dashell : That sounds disgusting and completely debased... I'd like to see one.

• Captain Dashell : We had a zombie sighting at a nursing home today that left an 82-year-old man by the name of Walter Gilberg dead. Now, it is not important who caused this death, which is why I don't mind saying it was John-John. But we at the UTF take our successes and our failures as a team. Is that clear? It'd be unfair to imply that Carla had anything to do with the death, since it was all John-John,

• Captain Dashell : Now, do they call that guy ground beef because he looks like ground beef or because he turns his opponents into ground beef? Or does he just like ground beef?