10 items from 2013
He’s fought to the death with Satan, Jean-Claude Van Damme, The Joker, and Richard Nixon. Now Michael Jai White braves The Asylum to star in their unimaginatively monikered mockbuster of the RoboCop remake: Android Cop.
I so hope there’s a scene where he yells, “Leave, bitches!”
Now you might be thinking that with a title like Android Cop and a release date not at all timed to coincide with the release of RoboCop, this is going to be an out-and-out rip-off about Michael Jai White getting turned into a cyborg policeman. You would be wrong. Despite its title this is one of those Asylum mockbusters that’s more thematic in nature than a plot-for-plot knock-off like they used to do in the old days. Reading the plot synopsis makes Android Cop sound less like a RoboCop rip-off and more like the premise of a 20-year-old Pm Entertainment flick:
In this futuristic, »
Just when you thought it was safe to... actually, it's probably not safe to do anything anymore without getting your ass bitten off, thanks to SyFy's seemingly bottomless well of shark-based cinematic insanity. If you thought Sharknado was the final word in weather-themed monster shark scenarios (and a lot of people did – that flick was a hit), then you've underestimated the makers of Avalanche Sharks (and to answer your next question, it might get retitled Sharkalanche), who are apparently merging the concept of 2009's Malibu Shark Attack with a frosty variation on 2011's Sand Sharks. Plus, it looks like the finned fiend comes from outer space this time. The trailer (which debuted this week at Fangoria) pretty much speaks for itself... so bundle up, grab onto something and press play! »
- Gregory Burkart
Thanks to Fangoria, we now have the trailer for "Avalanche Sharks," which continues the obsessions of making ridiculous shark movies. This one happens to be a sequel to "Sand Sharks" that was released recently and had sharks attacking people in sand. Check out the trailer for "Avalanche Sharks" below. Plot: After a massive avalanche, the staff of Twin Pines Ski Resort begin to receive reports of missing people and creatures that move beneath the snow. As the body count slowly begins to pile up, the management tries to cover up the situation, which eventually leads to disaster on their busiest day of the year: Bikini Snow Day. "Avalanche Sharks" is directed by Scott Wheeler (Transmorphers) from a script by Keith Shaw (Malibu Shark Attack). Trailer: »
The Sharknado twister has laid ruin to cult horror, and in its wake comes another fin-infested natural disaster, Avalanche Sharks! The white hills will run red with blood as these elusive and deadly snow sharks prey upon an unsuspecting group of bikini and earmuff clad spring breakers attempting to hit the slopes. Fangoria brings us the first trailer, who point out that Avalanche Sharks isn't a rip-off...Its actually a spin-off of Sand Sharks, which came out before the phenomenon stormed the pop consciousness. Watch, and soon, you'll have nightmares rendered in really bad CGI, too!
Spring break in the mountains: snowboarding, beer, drunken co-eds in bikinis. As the yearly Bikini Ski Day party descends on a small mountain town, something lurks beneath the snow. When an unwitting rider causes an avalanche, it awakens a huge, menacing, prehistoric Snow Shark! With a newfound taste for human flesh, the Snow Shark »
There aren’t really any rules when it comes to celebrating Labor Day. Some people like to enjoy their last days of summer with a beach trip, and others like to use their Monday off to never change out of their pajamas. We’re not here to judge. But what we are here to do is give you your all-day TV marathon options, just in case you like to celebrate in front of the TV.
We’ve rounded up the marathons that will keep you busy from morning till night (none of this five-episodes-and-done stuff):
*Note: Final time is »
- Samantha Highfill
Labor Day weekend is here for 2013 and if you don't have any plans, there are plenty of great shows to check out over the weekend. You can catch up on "Continuum" Season 2 on Syfy, or watch the first three episodes of "The White Queen" on Starz. Sunday, Sept. 1 there's a killer Alfred Hitchcock movie marathon running all day on TCM.
Also, it's college football kick-off weekend, so settle in Saturday for the guys' returning to the gridiron.
Set your DVRs and check your local listings for times and channel numbers. All times Eastern below.
Friday, Aug. 30
The CW: New "America's Next Top Model" episode, 9 p.m.
Discovery: "Alaskan Steel Men" premiere, 10 p.m.
Espn: Cfb, Texas Tech at Southern Methodist, 8 p.m.
Espn 2: 2013 U.S. Open Tennis, men's second and women's third round, 1 p.m. to 7 p. »
Distribution company Odyssey Media looks to be getting in on the b-movie market in a big way with four Syfy-ish flicks that showcase snow sharks, volcanic dragons, crimefighting teen vampires, and Battle Royale at the bottom of a sinkhole.
Avalanche Sharks – After an horrific avalanche, the staff members at Twin Pines Ski Resort start to receive reports of missing people and creatures that move beneath the snow. As the body count piles up, the management tries to cover up the situation, which leads to disaster on their busiest day of the year: Bikini Snow Day.
This sequel to last year’s Sand Sharks was also supposed to star Brooke Hogan, but she had to back out due to a scheduling conflict. Instead Kate Nauta, Erika Jordan, and Emily Addison will have to serve as attractive snow shark bait in this frozen nature gone amok flick from Scott Wheeler, director of »
The Asylum is the studio behind such cheap rip-offs as "Transmorphers" and "Snakes on a Train." It's now back with "Jack the Giant Killer," which is a rip-off of Bryan Singer's upcoming "Jack the Giant Slayer." And today we have a trailer for the new movie, showing that it also borrows from Guillermo Del Toro's "Pacific Rim." Check it out below. Plot: A giant beanstalk brings Jack to a land in the clouds filled with snarling, evil beasts. When the creatures make their way to Earth, Jack must figure out how to get back down before they destroy his hometown and everyone in it. "Jack the Giant Killer" is directed by Mark Atkins (Sand Sharks), and stars Jane March (Color of Night) and Ben Cross (Chariots of Fire). It's set to be released on VOD and DVD/Blu-ray on March 12th, just eleven days after Singer's "Jack the Giant Slayer" hits theaters. »
The Asylum’s Jack the Giant Killer likely won’t prompt legal action from Bryan Singer’s similarly titled blockbuster since it appears to be set in the early 20th century, the giants are dinosaur-like monsters, and I’m unaware of any version of “Jack & the Beanstalk” that includes a giant robot.
Jane March (Color of Night), Ben Cross (Chariots of Fire), and newcomer Jamie Atkins star in writer-director Mark Atkins’ (Sand Sharks) Jack the Giant Killer, coming to VOD/DVD/Blu-ray on March 12th. That’s 11 days after Jack the Giant Slayer beanstalks theaters worldwide.
So how is The Asylum version of this classic fairy tale different?
A giant beanstalk brings Jack to a land in the clouds filled with snarling, evil beasts. When the creatures make their way to Earth, Jack must figure out how to get back down before they destroy his hometown and everyone in it. »
The meanest gargantuan creature-feature yet is set to arrive on DVD from Chelsea Films on 7th January 2013 – I am of course talking about the Roger Corman-produced Piranhaconda. To celebrate this occasion we have an extra special *Monstrous* prize package to give-away which consists of the following monster delights:
Sand Sharks - A shark that swims in sand?! No, honestly! Sunbathing on a beach has never been the same since this came out earlier this year and I’m not sure whether that’s something to do with the sharks or Brooke Hogan’s (daughter of the mighty Hulk Hogan) acting… Sand Sharks Review
Dragon Wasps - The ultimate cross breed between timely jungle thrillers like “Predator” and “Anaconda” and giant critter delights such as “Eight Legged Freaks” and “Lake Placid”. Let’s put it this way, “Dragon Wasps” does for bees what “Arachnophobia” did for spiders! Dragon Wasps Review
and of course… »
10 items from 2013
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