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That is the best way to describe this movie and all the other teaser
films that De Couteau has released in recent years. His hero is forever
wandering a mansion around in a pair of white briefs so padded in the
rear as to conceal every possible trace of a cleavage. His hunky house
mates seem to favor square cut trunks as swim wear. It is long since
time for Couteau's actors to graduate to skimpy Speedos as swimwear and
bikinis or better thongs as underwear and please, nude in bed.
And why when you have a young male in four point bondage would you allow him the dignity of briefs and even conceal his feet with socks?
More skin please. For instance, once the lady of the house comes upon the young hero naked in the shower, what is the point of his continuing to wear shorts. Might as well go around naked full time, especially in bed and around the pool to work on his tan.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
What on earth? Somewhere along the way, David DeCoteau hit on one plot--buff wooden young man is inducted into homoerotic group of sneering vampires--and decided to drive it into the earth. This version features endless shots of the "hero", Trent, wandering around a vacuously glamorous L.A. mansion in a pair of tighty-whities under blue light, while frenzied disco-music works overtime to convince us something terrible is about to happen. Nothing ever does. Every now and then one of the vampires or their queen drops a few lines about how fantastic it is to be immortal and powerful; I don't know about power, but this movie certainly portrays how boring immortality must get. There are two complete showering scenes (the camera pans up and down the main "character"'s abs while discreetly avoiding anything non-PG-13), but one loses interest in the cast even as eye candy very quickly; "Last Year in Marienbad" was more dynamic. It's like a porn movie with all the sex acts cut out.
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