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Benjamin Franklin: [addressing Continental Congress] Gentlemen are we going to continue to let King George take away our rights like a bride on her honeymoon ?

Continental Congress Heckler: Franklin show me your tits!

Benjamin Franklin: Or are we finally going to say no and cross our legs?

Continental Congress Heckler: Hey Franklin do these words ring a bell? Suck It!

[throws cup at Benjamin Franklin]

Benjamin Franklin: I... hey... now I have a dinner to go to after this! Now that is completely uncalled for! You want to get up here and do this?

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Paul Revere: [Riding on a bicycle to give warning] The British are coming! The British are coming! The British are coming! The British are coming! The British are coming! The British are coming!

[sees station wagon driven by Thomas Jefferson heading for him]

Paul Revere: No!

[station wagon hits Paul Revere]

Paul Revere: Aah!

Benjamin Franklin: [wakes up in passenger seat wearing sleep mask] What was that?

Thomas Jefferson: Nothing. And take that stupid thing off your head. It's embarrassing.

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General George Washington: [Benjamin Franklin opens motel room door to find General George Washington outside] Good God!

Benjamin Franklin: Oh hey General Washington.

General George Washington: You smell like whiskey and sperm!

Benjamin Franklin: Well...

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Thomas Jefferson: I'm gonna bang some nurses America.

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General George Washington: Jefferson.

Thomas Jefferson: Huh?

General George Washington: You were the one who killed this man weren't you?

Thomas Jefferson: Maybe.

General George Washington: Do you know who he is?

Thomas Jefferson: [annoyed] No I don't know who he is.

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Thomas Jefferson: [Chasing after Elaine, The Frenchman's wife, after she catches him watching her in the bathroom] Oh come on that's what I'm into. Come on man.

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Alexander Hamilton: [Jefferson is messing with Benjamin Franklin's case] He don't want you looking at his porn.

Thomas Jefferson: Don't touch...

Alexander Hamilton: [Jefferson opens the case Benjamin Franklin emerges with futuristic clothing] Greetings! I am future Franklin! Here is today's invention!

[Hands Jefferson a small bottle]

Alexander Hamilton: That's shampoo... travel size.

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Thomas Jefferson: [Jefferson and Booufant are wrestling when a bird starts whistling] Looks it's the garlon.

[They both look at an eagle in awe. Jefferson then shoots the eagle]

Thomas Jefferson: Garlon.

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Monsieur Bouffant: [At a dinner where the eagle is the main course] This is delicious garlon. I have been all around this world and I have never ever come in contact with such a delicious creature as the garlon.

Benjamin Franklin: The Eagle.

Thomas Jefferson: Hey.

Benjamin Franklin: I mean you think it's funny to act...

Thomas Jefferson: To the garlon huh!

[the rest toast]

Benjamin Franklin: I'm sorry it's an eagle! You know it's not... there's no such thing as a garlon. You think it's funny to...

Monsieur Bouffant: Great garlon.

Benjamin Franklin: French idiot! I'll be in my carriage! Ignorance!

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Benjamin Franklin: Monsieur Bouffant allow me to introduce Thomas Jefferson.

Monsieur Bouffant: Thomas Jefferson? Wait you are the lunatic that keeps sending me moose carcasses in the mail.

[cut to his children screaming]

Monsieur Bouffant: You made our children cry.

Thomas Jefferson: I'm gon' keep making them cry until you admit American superiority in the case... in the term of...

Benjamin Franklin: [Franklin tries to whisper help] Animal

Thomas Jefferson: In animal...

Benjamin Franklin: Species and size...

Thomas Jefferson: and size.

Monsieur Bouffant: Oh no no! Elaine!

Elaine: Yeah?

Monsieur Bouffant: Le coq sil vous plait

Elaine: Le coq.

[Elaine produces a live rooster]

Elaine: [Thomas Jefferson gasps]

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Monsieur Bouffant: So may I ask Mr. Jefferson. What animal represents America?

Thomas Jefferson: [Jefferson trills to buy time] The bear!

Monsieur Bouffant: Russia.

Thomas Jefferson: They already got the bear?

Monsieur Bouffant: Yes. Yes.

Benjamin Franklin: [whispers to help Jefferson] Turkey.

Thomas Jefferson: I'm not saying turkey you stupid...

Benjamin Franklin: Say lion.

Thomas Jefferson: All right shut up. The... tiger the most powerful...

Monsieur Bouffant: India.

Thomas Jefferson: Huh... What?

Monsieur Bouffant: India.

[laughs at Jefferson]

Thomas Jefferson: The garlon! He's like a big 'ol building with fur and anger and he flies tall and he got a big mouft and he's got a face full of buildings which he will beat you up with cause he's got a building in his pocket.

Monsieur Bouffant: I would love to see this garlon.

Thomas Jefferson: And you will cause I'm gonna bring a garlon back here and he's gonna swallow your wife's cock.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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