Benjamin Franklin: [addressing Continental Congress] Gentlemen are we going to continue to let King George take away our rights like a bride on her honeymoon ?
Continental Congress Heckler: Franklin show me your tits!
Benjamin Franklin: Or are we finally going to say no and cross our legs?
Continental Congress Heckler: Hey Franklin do these words ring a bell? Suck It!
[throws cup at Benjamin Franklin]
Benjamin Franklin: I... hey... now I have a dinner to go to after this! Now that is completely uncalled for! You want to get up here and do this?
Paul Revere: [Riding on a bicycle to give warning] The British are coming! The British are coming! The British are coming! The British are coming! The British are coming! The British are coming!
[sees station wagon driven by Thomas Jefferson heading for him]
Paul Revere: No!
[station wagon hits Paul Revere]
Paul Revere: Aah!
Benjamin Franklin: [wakes up in passenger seat wearing sleep mask] What was that?
Thomas Jefferson: Nothing. And take that stupid thing off your head. It's embarrassing.
General George Washington: [Benjamin Franklin opens motel room door to find General George Washington outside] Good God!
Benjamin Franklin: Oh hey General Washington.
General George Washington: You smell like whiskey and sperm!
Benjamin Franklin: Well...
General George Washington: Jefferson.
Thomas Jefferson: Huh?
General George Washington: You were the one who killed this man weren't you?
Thomas Jefferson: Maybe.
General George Washington: Do you know who he is?
Thomas Jefferson: [annoyed] No I don't know who he is.
Thomas Jefferson: [Chasing after Elaine, The Frenchman's wife, after she catches him watching her in the bathroom] Oh come on that's what I'm into. Come on man.
Alexander Hamilton: [Jefferson is messing with Benjamin Franklin's case] He don't want you looking at his porn.
Thomas Jefferson: Don't touch...
Alexander Hamilton: [Jefferson opens the case Benjamin Franklin emerges with futuristic clothing] Greetings! I am future Franklin! Here is today's invention!
[Hands Jefferson a small bottle]
Alexander Hamilton: That's shampoo... travel size.
Thomas Jefferson: [Jefferson and Booufant are wrestling when a bird starts whistling] Looks it's the garlon.
[They both look at an eagle in awe. Jefferson then shoots the eagle]
Thomas Jefferson: Garlon.
Monsieur Bouffant: [At a dinner where the eagle is the main course] This is delicious garlon. I have been all around this world and I have never ever come in contact with such a delicious creature as the garlon.
Benjamin Franklin: The Eagle.
Thomas Jefferson: Hey.
Benjamin Franklin: I mean you think it's funny to act...
Thomas Jefferson: To the garlon huh!
[the rest toast]
Benjamin Franklin: I'm sorry it's an eagle! You know it's not... there's no such thing as a garlon. You think it's funny to...
Monsieur Bouffant: Great garlon.
Benjamin Franklin: French idiot! I'll be in my carriage! Ignorance!
Benjamin Franklin: Monsieur Bouffant allow me to introduce Thomas Jefferson.
Monsieur Bouffant: Thomas Jefferson? Wait you are the lunatic that keeps sending me moose carcasses in the mail.
[cut to his children screaming]
Monsieur Bouffant: You made our children cry.
Thomas Jefferson: I'm gon' keep making them cry until you admit American superiority in the case... in the term of...
Benjamin Franklin: [Franklin tries to whisper help] Animal
Thomas Jefferson: In animal...
Benjamin Franklin: Species and size...
Thomas Jefferson: and size.
Monsieur Bouffant: Oh no no! Elaine!
Monsieur Bouffant: Le coq sil vous plait
Elaine: Le coq.
[Elaine produces a live rooster]
Elaine: [Thomas Jefferson gasps]
Monsieur Bouffant: So may I ask Mr. Jefferson. What animal represents America?
Thomas Jefferson: [Jefferson trills to buy time] The bear!
Monsieur Bouffant: Russia.
Thomas Jefferson: They already got the bear?
Monsieur Bouffant: Yes. Yes.
Benjamin Franklin: [whispers to help Jefferson] Turkey.
Thomas Jefferson: I'm not saying turkey you stupid...
Benjamin Franklin: Say lion.
Thomas Jefferson: All right shut up. The... tiger the most powerful...
Monsieur Bouffant: India.
Thomas Jefferson: Huh... What?
Monsieur Bouffant: India.
[laughs at Jefferson]
Thomas Jefferson: The garlon! He's like a big 'ol building with fur and anger and he flies tall and he got a big mouft and he's got a face full of buildings which he will beat you up with cause he's got a building in his pocket.
Monsieur Bouffant: I would love to see this garlon.
Thomas Jefferson: And you will cause I'm gonna bring a garlon back here and he's gonna swallow your wife's cock.