"Game of Thrones" Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things (TV Episode 2011) Poster


Daenerys Targaryen: [to Viserys] I am a Khaleesi of the Dothraki! I am the wife of the great Khal and I carry his son inside me! The next time you raise a hand to me will be the last time you have hands.

[Tyrion gives Bran a drawing of saddle which will enable him to ride a horse]

Bran Stark: Will I really be able to ride?

Tyrion Lannister: [nods] You will. On horseback you will be as tall as any of them.

Robb Stark: [suspiciously] Is this some kind of trick? Why do you want to help him?

Tyrion Lannister: I have a tender spot in my heart for cripples, bastards and broken things.

[Thorne walks in on Jon and Sam horsing around in the mess hall]

Alliser Thorne: Enjoying yourselves?

[Jon and Sam quickly get back to work]

Alliser Thorne: You look cold, boys.

Samwell Tarly: It is a bit nippy.

Alliser Thorne: Bit nippy, yeah. By the fire, indoors... it's still summer. Do you boys even remember the last winter? How long has it been now? What, ten years?

Jon Snow: I remember.

Alliser Thorne: Was it uncomfortable at Winterfell? Were there days when you just couldn't get warm, never mind how many fires your servants built?

Jon Snow: I build my own fires.

Alliser Thorne: That's admirable. I spent six months out there, beyond the Wall, during the last winter. Supposed to be a two-week mission. We heard a rumor Mance Rayder was planning to attack Eastwatch, so we went out to look for some of his men, capture them, gather some knowledge. The Wildlings who fight for Mance Rayder are hard men... harder than you'll ever be. They know their country better than we do. They knew there was a storm coming in. So they hid in their caves and waited for it to pass... and we got caught in the open. Wind so strong, it yanked hundred-foot trees straight from the ground, roots and all. If you took your gloves off to find your cock to have a piss, you lost a finger to the frost. And all in darkness.


Alliser Thorne: You don't know cold. Neither of you do. The horses died first. Didn't have enough to feed them, to keep them warm. Eating the horses was easy... but later, when we started to fall... that wasn't easy.

[Thorne walks over to Sam, who starts shuddering]

Alliser Thorne: We should've had a couple of boys like you along, shouldn't we? Soft, fat boys like you. We'd have lasted a fortnight on you, and still have bones left over for soup. Soon we'll have new recruits, and you lot will be passed along to the Lord Commander for assignment. And they will call you "men of the Night's Watch," but you'd be fools to believe it. You're boys, still. And come the winter, you will die... like flies.

Samwell Tarly: So why exactly did you not make love to Ros with the perfect...?

Jon Snow: What's my name?

Samwell Tarly: Jon Snow.

Jon Snow: And why is my surname Snow?

Samwell Tarly: Because... you're a bastard from the North.

Jon Snow: I never met my mother. My father wouldn't even tell me her name. I don't know if she's living or dead. I don't know if she's a noblewoman or a fisherman's wife... or a whore. So I sat there in the brothel as Ros took off her clothes. But I couldn't do it. Because all I could think was what if I got her pregnant and she had a child, another bastard named Snow? It's not a good life for a child.

Samwell Tarly: So... you *didn't* know where to put it?

[Jon is standing watch atop the Wall when Sam walks over]

Samwell Tarly: Hello. Ser Alliser said I'm to be your new watch partner. I should warn you, I don't see all that well.

Jon Snow: Come stand by the fire. It's warmer.

Samwell Tarly: No, that's all right, I'm fine.

Jon Snow: You're not. You're freezing.

[Sam walks over to the fire and peers over the edge of the Wall]

Samwell Tarly: I don't like high places.

Jon Snow: You can't fight... you can't see... you're afraid of heights and almost everything else, probably.


Jon Snow: What are you doing here, Sam?

Samwell Tarly: On the morning of my eighteenth nameday, my father came to me. "You're almost a man now," he said, "but you are not worthy of my land and title. Tomorrow you're going to take the black, forsake all claim to your inheritance, and start north. If you do not," he said, "then we'll have a hunt, and somewhere in these woods your horse will stumble, and you'll be thrown from your saddle to die. Or so I'll tell your mother. Nothing would please me more."


Samwell Tarly: Ser Alliser's going to make me fight again tomorrow, isn't he?

Jon Snow: Yes, he is.

Samwell Tarly: [groans] I'm not going to get any better, you know.

Jon Snow: Well, you can't get any worse.

[Sam and Jon start laughing]

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Petyr Baelish: I hear you're reading a boring book.

Eddard Stark: Hm. Pycelle talks too much.

Petyr Baelish: Oh, he never stops. Do you know Ser Hugh of the Vale?

[Ned shakes his head]

Petyr Baelish: Not surprising. Until recently, he was only a squire. Jon Arryn's squire. He was knighted almost immediately after his master's untimely death.

Eddard Stark: Knighted for what?

[Baelish gives Ned a knowing look]

Eddard Stark: Why are you telling me this?

Petyr Baelish: I promised Cat that I'd help you.

Eddard Stark: Where is Ser Hugh? I'll speak to him.

Petyr Baelish: A singularly bad idea. Do you see that boy, there?

[Baelish nods at the boy]

Petyr Baelish: One of Varys' little birds. The Spider has taken a great interest in your comings and goings. Now look, there.

[Baelish nods at a nearby gardener]

Petyr Baelish: That one belongs to the queen. And do you see that septa pretending to read her book?

[Baelish nods at the septa]

Eddard Stark: Varys or the queen?

Petyr Baelish: No, she's one of mine. Is there someone in your service whom you trust completely?

Eddard Stark: Yes.

Petyr Baelish: The wiser answer was no, my lord. Get a message to this paragon of yours, discreetly. Send him to question Ser Hugh. After that, you might want him to visit a certain armorer in the city. He lives in a large house at the top of the Street of Steel.

Eddard Stark: Why?

Petyr Baelish: I have my observers, as I said, and it's possible that they saw Lord Arryn visit this armorer several times in the weeks before his death.

Eddard Stark: Lord Baelish, perhaps I was wrong to distrust you.

Petyr Baelish: Distrusting me was the wisest thing you've done since you climbed off your horse.

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Pypar: Where have you been?

Jon Snow: Watch duty with Sam.

Pypar: Ah, Prince Porkchop. Where is he?

Jon Snow: He wasn't hungry.

Pypar: Impossible!

Jon Snow: That's enough. Sam's no different from the rest of us. There was no place for him in the world, so he's come here. We're not gonna hurt him in the training yard anymore. Never again, no matter what Thorne says. He's our brother now, and we're going to protect him.

Rast: You ARE in love, Lord Snow. You girls can do as you please. But if Thorne puts me up against Lady Piggy, I'm gonna slice me off a side of bacon.

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Ser Jorah Mormont: The common people pray for rain, health, and a summer that never ends. They don't care what games the high lords play.

Daenerys Targaryen: What do you pray for, Ser Jorah?

Ser Jorah Mormont: Home.

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Viserys Targaryen: You would turn me into one of them, wouldn't you! Next you'll want to braid my hair!

Daenerys Targaryen: You've no right to a braid! You've won no victories yet!

Theon Greyjoy: Can't resist some northern ass? If you like redheads, ask for Ros.

Tyrion Lannister: Come to see me off, Greyjoy? Kind of you. Your master doesn't seem to like Lannisters.

Theon Greyjoy: He's not my master.

Tyrion Lannister: No, of course not. What happened here? Where is Lady Stark? Why didn't she receive me?

Theon Greyjoy: She wasn't feeling well.

Tyrion Lannister: She's not in Winterfell, is she? Where did she go?

Theon Greyjoy: Milady's whereabouts...

Tyrion Lannister: "Milady?" Your loyalty to your captors is touching. Tell me, how do you think Balon Greyjoy would feel if he could see his only surviving son has turned lackey? I still remember my father's fleet burn in Lannisport. I believe your uncles were responsible.

Theon Greyjoy: Must've been a pretty sight.

Tyrion Lannister: Nothing prettier than watching sailors burn alive. Yes, a great victory for your people. Shame how it all turned out.

Theon Greyjoy: We were outnumbered ten to one!

Tyrion Lannister: A stupid rebellion, then. I suppose your father realized that when your brothers died in battle. Now here you are, your enemy's squire.

Theon Greyjoy: Careful, Imp.

Tyrion Lannister: I've offended you. Forgive me. It's been a rough morning. Anyway, don't despair. I'm a constant disappointment to my own father and I've learned to live with it.

[Tyrion tosses a coin at Theon's feet]

Tyrion Lannister: Your next tumble with Ros is on me. I'll try not to wear her out.

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Eddard Stark: I was trained to kill my enemies, Your Grace.

Cersei Lannister: As was I.

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[Ned finds Arya trying to balance on one leg at the top of some steps]

Arya Stark: Syrio says a water dancer can stand on one toe for hours.

Eddard Stark: It's a hard fall down these steps.

Arya Stark: Syrio says every hurt is a lesson, and every lesson makes you better.

[Arya puts her foot down]

Arya Stark: Tomorrow I'm going to be chasing cats.

Eddard Stark: Cats? Syrio says...

Arya Stark: He says every swordsman should study cats. They're as quiet as shadows and as light as feathers. You have to be quick to catch them.

Eddard Stark: He's right about that.

Arya Stark: Now that Bran's awake, will he come live with us?

Eddard Stark: Well, he needs to get his strength back first.

Arya Stark: He wants to be a knight of the Kingsguard. He can't be one now, can he?

Eddard Stark: No, but someday he could be lord of a holdfast, or sit on the king's council, or he might raise castles like Brandon the Builder.

Arya Stark: Can I be lord of a holdfast?

[Ned chuckles and kisses Arya's forehead]

Eddard Stark: You will marry a high lord and rule his castle, and your sons shall be knights and princes and lords.

Arya Stark: No... that's not me.

[Arya resumes standing on one leg]

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Samwell Tarly: I know for a fact that some of the officers go to that brothel in Mole's Town.

Jon Snow: I wouldn't doubt it.

Samwell Tarly: Don't you think it's a little bit unfair? Making us take our vows while they sneak off for a little Sally on the side?

Jon Snow: Sally on the side?

Samwell Tarly: It's silly, isn't it? What, *we* can't defend the Wall unless we're celibate? It's absurd.

Jon Snow: I didn't think you'd be so upset about it.

Samwell Tarly: Why not? Because I'm fat?

Jon Snow: No.

Samwell Tarly: But I like girls just as much as you do. They might not like me as much. I've never... been with one. You've probably had hundreds.

Jon Snow: No. As a matter of fact, I'm the same as you.

Samwell Tarly: Yeah. Yeah, I... I find that hard to believe.

Jon Snow: I came very close once. I was alone in a room with a naked girl, but...

Samwell Tarly: Didn't know where to put it?

Jon Snow: I know where to put it.

Samwell Tarly: Was she... old and ugly?

Jon Snow: Young and gorgeous. A whore named Ros.

Samwell Tarly: What color hair?

Jon Snow: Red.

Samwell Tarly: Oh, I like red hair. And her... her um.

[Sam places his hands on his chest]

Jon Snow: You don't want to know.

Samwell Tarly: What, that good?

Jon Snow: Better.

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Alliser Thorne: You are boys still. When the winter comes, you will die like so many flies.

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Alliser Thorne: [to Jon] You think this funny, do you?

[Thorne turns to the rest of the recruits]

Alliser Thorne: When you're out there beyond the Wall with the sun going down, do you want a man at your back? Or a sniveling boy?

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Robert Baratheon: We've been sitting here for days! Start the damn joust before I piss myself...

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Doreah: What happened to the dragons? I was told that brave men killed them all.

Viserys Targaryen: Brave men didn't kill dragons. The brave men rode them. Rode them from Valyria to build the greatest civilization this world has ever seen. The breath of the greatest dragon forged the Iron Throne, which the Usurper is keeping warm for me. The swords of the vanquished, a thousand of them... melted together like so many candles.

Doreah: I have always wanted to see a dragon. There's nothing in the world that I would rather see.

Viserys Targaryen: Really? Why dragons?

Doreah: They can fly. And wherever they are, just a few flaps of their wings and they're somewhere else... far away. And they can kill. Anyone or anything that tries to hurt them gets burned away to nothing... melted... like so many candles.

[Doreah pours hot wax on Viserys]

Viserys Targaryen: Ow.

Doreah: Yes. Seeing a dragon would make me very happy.

Viserys Targaryen: Well, after 15 years in a pleasure house, I imagine just seeing the sky makes you happy.

Doreah: I was not locked in. I have seen things.

Viserys Targaryen: What have you seen?

Doreah: I've seen... a man from Asshai with a dagger of real dragonglass.

Viserys Targaryen: Ooh.

Doreah: I've seen a man who could change his face the way that other men change their clothes. And I've seen a pirate who wore his weight in gold and whose ship had sails of colored silk. So... have you seen one?

Viserys Targaryen: A pirate ship?

Doreah: A dragon.

Viserys Targaryen: No. No, the last one died many years before I was born. I'll tell you what I have seen-their skulls. They used to decorate the throne room in the Red Keep. When I was very young, just three or four, my father used to walk me down the rows and I'd recite their names for him. When I got them all right, he'd give me a sweet. The ones closest to the door were the last ones they were able to hatch and they were all stunted and wrong with skulls no bigger than dog skulls. But... but as you got closer to the Iron Throne... they got bigger and bigger and bigger. There was Ghiscar and Valryon, Vermithrax, Essovius... Archonei, Meraxes, Vhagar... and Balerion the Dread... whose fire forged the Seven Kingdoms into one.

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Arya Stark: Why do they call you Littlefinger?

Sansa Stark: Arya!

Septa Mordane: Don't be rude.

Petyr Baelish: [smiles] No, it's quite all right. When I was a child, I was very small and I come from a little spit of land called "The Fingers", so you see, it's an exceedingly clever nickname.

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Petyr Baelish: Has anyone ever told you the story of the Mountain and the Hound?

[Sansa glances at the Hound. Littlefinger continues telling the story, while Arya and Sansa listen intently]

Petyr Baelish: Lovely little tale of brotherly love. The Hound was just a pup, six years old maybe. Gregor a few years older, already a big lad, already getting a bit of a reputation. Some lucky boys just born with a talent for violence. One evening, Gregor found his little brother playing with a toy by the fire - Gregor's toy, a wooden knight. Gregor never said a word, he just grabbed his brother by the scruff of his neck and shoved his face into the burning coals. Held him there while the boy screamed, while his face melted. There aren't very many people who know that story.

Sansa Stark: [in trembling voice] I won't tell anyone. I promise.

Petyr Baelish: No, please don't. If the Hound so much as heard you mention it, I'm afraid all the knights in King's Landing would not be able to save you.

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Jaime Lannister: Do you remember Thoros of Myr charging through the breach?

Jory Cassel: With his burning sword? I'll remember that 'til the day I die...

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