We begin at Karma. Naturally.
Jenni enjoys that the drama between her and Sammi is over. Vinnie and Mike pick up girls and Sammi worries that Ronnie is drinking too much. He uses the word "dranken." "Draken" is not a word, except when you've dranken too much.
Back at the house, Mike gets his girl a t-shirt.
Snooki passes - out on the dog's bed on the laundry room floor.
Sammi tries to feed drunk Ronnie in bed. He pukes instead.
Mike and his girl are awoken in the nearby bed. Romantic.
The next day, Jenni finds Snooki passed out on the dog bed. She puts her in bed.
Ronnie wakes up the next day and, as he says, is bleeding when he goes to the bathroom. He thinks he should go to the doctor.
"Why is Ronnie bleeding out of his a---? I have no idea," Sammi says.
At the doctor's office, Sammi waits in the waiting room while the doctor pokes around, promising he won't do anything "graphic."
Ronnie makes some pretty graphic faces.
The doctor tells Ronnie he needs to take it easy with the drinking.
He tells Sammi the doctor is getting him some cream.
At the house, the girls go run errands and talk about masturbation. Well, mainly Deena talks about it until Snooki volunteers that she "did it all day once and the next day she couldn't move."
At the pharmacy, Nicole finds a tricycle and wheels around on it. Until she breaks it.
The handlebars fall off and she and Jenni try to fix it. And then they leave quickly, responsible adults that they are.
At the house, Snooki randomly tells Pauly he's hot and they should make out. Deena wants in on it too. Shocking! Deena wants to do something like Snooki!
They get ready to go out. Deena makes her very own hole in the ozone with Aquanet, or whatever the kids are using these days.
Ronnie's friends Petey, Dario and Chris meet the gang at Karma.
Deena immediately gloms on to Dario.
Snooki meets a guy named Jeff, who she describes as a "typical Seaside Guido." They make out on the dance floor.
Deena is suddenly ready to go, and take Dario with her. (She checks first that Dario will be willing to "snuggle".)
Snookie takes Jeff home and they get into bed, but she has to call it off because, she announces bluntly: she's on her period.
Deena hangs on the porch with her guy, until he suggests they go inside.
"It's not Halloween. I'm not handing out candy for free. You need a golden ticket to get into these drawers," she tells us. Right, she has standards, see?
In bed, she tells him she hasn't "done sex" in like three months. The next day, she tells us, "whatever, my golden ticket was taken." She says Dario was a good guy.
The next morning, Sammi tries to get Jeff to work the stripper pole, assuring him that it won't break. So he grabs onto it and it immediately breaks. They fall on the floor laughing.
Snooki asks him to the boardwalk.
They're riding the lift when he kisses her and this is when she realizes he has a tongue ring.
She explains she doesn't like the ocean, "It's all whale sperm."
She later explains that this is why the ocean is salty.
At the bar, Jeff tells Snooki he was in the army and engaged. He backtracks to say it was just a promise ring.
From this, Snooki gets that he's serious and wanting to settle down. She's suddenly less excited about Jeff. "I'm like, don't call me after this, on to the next one."
At the house, Jeff calls Snooki trying to make things right. She hangs up on him. When he calls back Pauly does the fake phone message thing. Then he does the pizza delivery thing until that gets old.
Later, it's GTL time.
The girls decide they're going to the sex store to get games. (Or the producers decide the girls should go to the sex store, whatevs.)
At the store, Jenni wears every inch of a black leather bikini. Snooki sees her, pauses, and announces she has a boner.
Snooki ends up in a team dress. "I look like a hot, drunk baseball player right now," she decides.
At home, the guys clean up and make dinner.
Ronnie gets mad that they're doing everything.
The second Sammi gets in, he snidely thanks her for pitching in.
He's cooking for her and finding every opportunity to criticize, saying he does everything for her.
At dinner they all rave and compliment Ronnie. Then it's extended awkward silence as everyone waits for the next Ronnie and Sammi eruption.
Upstairs, Sammi asks Ronnie what's wrong. He won't tell her, but tells us he wants his space.
The girls head to work. Nicole says she doesn't like work, because it involves working. Hard to argue with that.
Jenni admires her butt in the mirror. Then Jenni and Nicole talk about relationships until Danny flings stuff at them to get them working.
At home, Ronnie lies in bed as Sammi gets ready to go out. She does her hair and asks if they should break up. Then she's getting called a "selfish bitch."
The guys wait downstairs. "Hell has to be just like this," Vinny says.
Finally, Sammi shouts down that she's "probably not" going.
For some reason this impacts Vinny's t-shirt selection and he changes.
At Karma, it's Deen and MVP. "I guess I'm drinking tonight," she says.
Pauly enjoys Deena's moves at the club, leading to two great commentaries on that.
"She 'Jersey turnpikes' all night," Pauly says as she bends over and rubs on him.
"Face down, a--- up, that's how I like to have a good time," Deena says. Coming soon to a t-shirt near you.
Suddenly, one of the guys sees Danielle, Pauly's "stalker" is there. She wants to talk to him. He bravely goes over and lets her talk to him. She complains that he made her look like a stalker.
They promptly forgive each other and he asks if she wants to come home with him.
Back home, Pauly proudly throws on the "I (heart) Jewish girls" t-shirt that she made him and waits for her reaction.
She cracks up and flips him off. Then Vinny walks through, calls her a stalker and sits down to question her.
He asks what bird delivers babies. Stork. (It works if you say it with a Jersey accent.)
Then Pauly asks what bean thing Jack climbed up.
And Danielle takes the abuse. Pauly can't believe she took it. She hugs him and leaves.
In their beds of awkwardness, Sammi tries get Ronnie to get in bed with her. Grouchily, he tells her to leave him alone. She asks if they're breaking up.
"Look me in the face and break up with me, please," she says calmly.
He rolls over and tells her they're breaking up and finished.
They both announce they're done. He seems to mean it, she wants closure and follows him.
He tries to get away from her and she follows him. He tells her she's a waste of time.
She says this is the breaking point of their relationship and she's fine with it. She plans to move her stuff out of the room tomorrow.
Ronnie thinks her time at the house without him will be terrible.