Lana Kane: Was that before or after you got caught fondling a teenager?
Sterling Archer: Well, obviously, before. After was all gendarmes and dick stitches.
Sterling Archer: No, I can't be alone.
Sterling Archer: That's when she strikes, like a slutty little ninja.
Malory Archer: Herr Schlotz isn't the intended victim. It's his daughter, Anka.
[a picture of Anka flashes on a video screen behind Malory. In the picture, Anka is stepping out of a limousine with no underwear and a shaved, but blurred, crotch]
Sterling Archer: Who obviously needs someone on her constantly, so I will be that someone who is constantly on her.
Malory Archer: [a picture of Anka Schlotz is displayed on a video screen behind Malory. In the picture, Anka is stepping out of a limousine with no underwear and a shaved, but blurred, crotch] Sterling Malory Archer! You will not touch a single hair on that girl.
Sterling Archer: Uhh, see... how I just let that go by. Look at me. I am the perfect gentleman.
Sterling Archer: [Spoken into the bathroom mirror] You don't want the world's greatest secret agent on the case? Fine! You want little Countess Von Fingerbang to get kidnapped? Fine!
Sterling Archer: [a door is heard opening in the other room] Oh, oh, oh, and as for you, Ray, Sterling Archer may be many things...
Sterling Archer: [Archer walks out of the bathroom] ... but he is not...
Sterling Archer: [Archer sees Anka just inside the door of his hotel room] ... fine?
Anka Schlotz: I think he is very fine.
Sterling Archer: Uhh, no, no, Anka, you can't be in here.
Anka Schlotz: Anka? Mr. Archer, how familiar.
[Anka walks forward, unzipping her jacket]
Anka Schlotz: You must address me by my title, Countess Von Fingerbang.
Anka Schlotz: I don't know. I am from Germany, where the age of consent is fourteen.
Sterling Archer: What is it? The Alabama of Europe?
Malory Archer: Schwein doesn't even touch it.
Sterling Archer: Yeah, well neither did I mother. I saved her life! Go ask that dick I set on fire!
Malory Archer: You're damn lucky Anka convinced her father not to press charges.
Sterling Archer: Yeah, I feel lucky. Let's see, sexually assaulted by a teenaged sociopath, interrogated by gendarmes, oh, three stitches in my penis, so, yep, it's all breaking my way.
Pam: [Listening to gunfire in the distance] What the hell is all of that, you reckon?
Malory Archer: Immigrants. Cramming their low riders full of free healthcare and... snow.