Family Guy (TV Series)

And I'm Joyce Kinney (2011)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Kermit the Frog, Fozzie Bear, Trailer Narrator, Old Filmmaker, Church Goer #4

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tom Tucker : Holy shit that just turned out, awful. Joyce, do your thing.

  Joyce Kinney : Thanks, Tom. Pornography, the very word conjures up the images and red light districts, unprotected sex, and of course, the turn of the century pornograph machine.

  Early pornographer : Whoahoho, Sweet Mary!

  Joyce Kinney : But it seems pornography has found our way to its neighborhood. Yes, local housewife and church organist Lois Griffin has revealed to this reporter that she appeared in a pornographic movie back in the early 1980s.

• Stewie Griffin : [with Lois at the grocery store]  My God, does everything have to have a mascot these days? I mean, look, there's a lion in overalls on the aluminum foil. I mean, wh-who is that for?

  [Lois takes a package of foil off the shelf] 

  Stewie Griffin : No, Lois, don't get that one! Get the one with the lion in overalls!

• Priest : Let me remind you all that this Saturday at 5:00 p.m., we'll have vespers, not to be confused with with the Italian motor scooter.

  [the congregation laughs politely, with Lois cackling audibly louder] 

  Lois Griffin : Vespers!

  Priest : And don't forget, next weekend we will have the Sunday afternoon family picnic, as God said to Noah, weather permitting.

  [more polite laughter and Lois' loud cackling] 

  Lois Griffin : Stop it!

  Priest : And another reminder, when you arrive to Mass, please do not park behind the rectory. As the Corinthians said to the Galatians, "That's my land."

  Lois Griffin : [roaring with laughter again]  Oh, ho, ho! Look out, Gallagher!

  Peter Griffin : Stop kissing ass.

• Lois Griffin : [getting a tour of the television news station]  Oh, this is all so fascinating. You must have so many stories.

  Joyce Kinney : Well, look, If you want to grab a drink with me later tonight, I'd be happy to tell you some.

  Lois Griffin : Oh, my God, I would love to. Look at me, huh? Stepping out on the town with a big celebrity.

  Joyce Kinney : Well, I think you're exaggerating.

  Lois Griffin : No, you're a lady big shot, like Miss Piggy.

  [cut to backstage at "The Muppet Show", where Kermit has a black eye, bandages around where his ribs would be, and is on crutches] 

  Fozzie Bear : Hey, Kermit, what happened to the "Bears in Space" sketch?

  Kermit the Frog : Sorry, it's "Pigs in Space" now. There's been a change.

  Fozzie Bear : What?

  Kermit the Frog : There's been a change!

• Lois Griffin : [bumping into Joyce at the store]  Excuse me, Ms. Kinney? I don't mean to bother you, but my name is Lois Griffin. I-I am a huge fan, and I just think you are doing a fantastic job. And after what I went through with Diane Simmons, well, let me just say it's nice to be standing here with no one trying to murder me.

  Stewie Griffin : [in the cart, with one of his ray guns aimed at her]  Yeah, no, you're fine.

• Stewie Griffin : Bilf.