Me Again (2012)
Rich: I don't care how much you plan for your future. You don't know what it's actually gonna be like till you live it.
Rich: [voiceover] I know a man must die, but I didn't know that he was bound to die twice. Long before he's put into the ground, he must trade the man of his youth, his goals and dreams, for mowing lawns, taking out the trash, and weekends of antiquing.
Colin: Nice ride, Mr. Chaplin.
Rich: [voiceover] That's kind of like dying, right?
Rich: You ever wish you were someone else so that you could be free to live the life you were supposed to?
Tony: Who doesn't?
Bill: Look, we didn't plan on the financial burden of a baby. It's puttin' a strain on our marriage.
Maggie: We're hoping you had some advice.
Rich: Well, figure it out soon because lawyers are more expensive than children.
Rich: [giving his sermon] So, how does the story of the prodigal son end? Kid comes home after squandering away his father's fortune, and he is - y' guys gonna love this - pretty much, he is treated like a rock star. Huh? You know, when you... a rock star!
Rich: [wailing an imaginary guitar] Wah, wah, wah, wah! Huh? Rock star on the drums. Dsh-dsh-dsh-dsh-dsh-dsh-dsh-dsh-dsh-dsh-k'chshshs! Ahhh! The crowd goes wild! And the respectful son - right?, the guy who stayed home and he DID... THE RIGHT... THING - you know what he got? Does anybody HERE... KNOW what the guy that did the right thing got? Nada! Nothing! Zip! So, there you have it. Life is unfair. That about covers it.
Michael: Why is it that when parents don't know what to say to their kids they ask about school?
Tony: You do realize that you look like... a beautiful... woman?
Tony: Did you have a recent encounter with a genie or a leprechaun?
Rich: It's a Wonderful Life?
Tony: 1946. Frank Capra's iconic masterpiece. The answer to your dilemma rests in here.
Rich: You're saying I'm supposed to watch this movie?
Tony: I'm saying you're supposed to LIVE this movie.
Ad Exec: Is she dead?
Stan the 'Hot' Photographer: If she is, these pictures will be worth a fortune.
Rich: [voiceover] Let this be a lesson: Babies...
Maggie: Goodnight, sweet girl.
Rich: [voiceover] ... are people, too. They just want a little love.
Colin: No, you... you have to believe me, April. I am the-the father of your children.
Big Earl: [singing while playing the blues on a harmonica] A boo-hoo, boo-hoo. A crybaby you. A boo-hoo, boo-hoo.
Rich: That's a little rude.
Big Earl: Well, you were having a pity party out loud so, naturally, I assumed everyone was invited.
Young Rich: What makes you think we're getting mawwied?
Young April: An angel promised me we would.
Young Rich: What?
Young April: I had a dream and the angel said that we would get married, and he promised that we would be happy, but he did say I might have to get rough with you.