Roy Slater: [menacingly] You're new. You should have some respect.
Denzil: [cheekily] I know I should - but I'm from Liverpooool.
[talking about the new high-rise flats that the council is building]
Joan Trotter: Mr Johnson, I was wondering if you could advise me about applying for a flat there. After all, you're in charge. You see, me and my family have become very overcrowded since my father-in-law came to live with us. Him and me teenage son have to share a bedroom - it's not healthy.
Mr Johnson: I seriously wouldn't hold out any hope of you qualifying for a tenancy there. The council are giving preference to people with young children and growing families. Are you and your husband thinking of having more children?
Joan Trotter: [horrified] God, no!
Mr Johnson: And as for your father-in-law, the council would take the attitude that, well, he can look after himself.
Joan Trotter: They don't know him.
Mr Johnson: Does he have a disability?
Joan Trotter: Sort of - he's useless!
[Del has just gone out in his best suit]
Joan Trotter: What's he mean he's staying out tonight?
Ted Trotter: Dunno. Maybe he's going night-fishing.
Joan Trotter: [sarcastically] Oh, of course. That would explain the suit and tie and all them rods and maggots he was carrying. Night fishing!
Ted Trotter: [to himself] Well I think you'll find he's trying to hook *something*!
Reg Trotter: What have the French got to offer us? Citroëns and snails, that's all.
Clayton: You know, I can't understand how they can eat them kind of creatures.
Ted Trotter: Have you ever seen a snail close-up? Looks like a bogie in a crash-helmet!
[Del and his friends are admiring Freddy Robdal's car]
Gerald 'Jelly' Kelly: Had your look, boys?
Boycie: Oh, we weren't doing nothing, honest. Just saying "Nice motor".
Freddie 'The Frog' Robdal: Yeah, MY nice motor.
Del Trotter: Yeah well I'm gonna drive a car like this one day.
Freddie 'The Frog' Robdal: Well you make sure it ain't this one, otherwise you'll find me playing ping-pong with your testicles. All right, cocker, away you go.
Del Trotter: Yeah, well my jag'll be faster than yours, 'cause I'm gonna have a red one!
Freddie 'The Frog' Robdal: [to Del, Trigger, Boycie, Denzil, Albie and Jumbo] Well, come along you lot. We're supposed to be the Jolly Boys.
Gerald 'Jelly' Kelly: Let's get out and have a beano!
[Del and the others cheer]
Trigger: I've never met anyone called Denzil before.
Denzil: You must be the only fella in the world called Trigger.
Trigger: No, there's a boy down my street called Trigger.
Del Trotter: That's you, Trig.
[Reg threatens to punch Joan in the eyes]
Del Trotter: What did you just say to her?
Joan Trotter: Del, do what I do: just ignore him.
Reg Trotter: Yeah, keep your nose out son. That way, it won't get broke.
Del Trotter: Oh, is that right? Well there's a yard out there, so come on, John Wayne, show me how it's done!
Ted Trotter: Del, leave it, son.
Del Trotter: Stay out of it, Grandad!
[Del and Reg stare menacingly at each other for a few moments]
Reg Trotter: Ah, can't be bothered with all this! I'm going down the pub. Barmaid's got better drinks on the slate!
Freddie 'The Frog' Robdal: As you know, when it comes to religion, I've always been something of an agnostic. But now, Jelly me old oppo, I am a believer. There is a God, and he lives in Peckham.
Gerald 'Jelly' Kelly: Yeah, bless you.
Jumbo Mills: [to Denzil] Boycie's tighter than Buck Rogers' spacesuit.
Del Trotter: And that's airtight!
Jumbo Mills: So, what brought you to London?
Denzil: Me old man got off at a job. He's working in the docks.
Jumbo Mills: [Interested] Really? What does he do at the docks?
Denzil: He's a security guard.
Del Trotter: Oh, right. Well, me and Jumbo'll have to pop round and meet your family sometime. We can tell your Dad about the ancient customs at London docks.
Denzil: Yeah. Just give us a bit of time to settle in.
Jumbo Mills: Yeah, no hurry.
Del Trotter: We'll pop round tonight.