(2010 Video)

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Bottom of the rom-com barrel
lor_21 July 2017
Except for a moment of inside-baseball comment on the declining fortunes of Adult Entertainment, Robby D's "Girl Talk" is embarrassingly bad, even for him. The cat should have stuck to gonzo, as he is clueless about making a motion picture and especially a XXX version of a rom-com.

Gimmick here is cross-dressing, so badly handled as to make one wonder how the old powers at Digital Playground, Sam & Joone of "Pirates" fame and fortune, decided to release it. Though DP is one of the few labels that list a "quality control" credit on their product, this one is so sloppy that the director is listed as "Robbby D" in the opening credits, with three b's. If it were grading, I would give him three F's.

Roommate of two years Mick Blue craves his luscious lady of the house Kayden Kross but is too shy to ask her out for a date. Opening scene is her humping a one-night stand Toni Ribas and poor Mick can't sleep with the noise of their lovemaking in a bedroom near his.

Like many a clunker from this arid period of DP, various contract players supposedly live together as roommates at some palatial mansion, which never makes any sense as they're too old to be college type roomies and mansions are not ordinarily shared in any resemblance of real life. So Scott Nails pops up as apparently a third roommate, but to intone the show's title Kayden throws him and Mick out as it is monthly day for Girls Only at the mansion, for a koffee klatch.

Nails suggests they spy on the gals so as to get info that might enable Mick to talk his way into Kayden's panties, and they don horrible wigs and present themselves at the door as Michelle (Mick's sister) and Sasha, latter supposedly from Romania.

Just two reels into the movie it has already self-destructed, as the gals gathering at the mansion are supposed to believe these two lugs are women, despite Scott's five o'clock shadow and vast masculine arm tattoo showing, let alone his flat as a board chest as he forgot to put on some padding. Director Robby apparently missed the film class about encouraging suspension of disbelief, so we're expected to go along with the gag as mindlessly as the girls.

It turns out that Kayden has lied, namely that these Girls Only days are a ruse whereby the gals get serviced by studs, unbeknownst to their regular boyfriends. So gal pal Lily LaBeau seduces a pizza boy, played by Manuel Ferrara, as Robby indulges one of porn's oldest and lamest stereotypes yet undermines it via casting the unlikely "boy" from France with the big dick. Fortunately, Lily consumes entirely said dick, in an amazing yet effortless seeming demonstration of deep-throat technique.

Next servicing goes to busty Sara Stone, whose presence fulfills the tit-man's content needs of this video. She humps a gigolo played by Charles Dera, who kindly hands out his business card to each woman including the two fakers. At this point I was struck by the distracting oddity of Dera joining familiar bald-shaven-dome actors Mick & Scott with a hairless head, as if they were off to film a Concentration Camp movie next.

An unfamiliar actress who has no distinctive identifying characteristics (and a lousy porn career ahead of her judging by paucity of IMDb compiled credits) named Loni Evans gets to hump Scott, though it is not established whether she is a near-sighted lesbian at heart, or perhaps so through his disguise. Kayden catches them early in the act, but Robby plunges ahead by having them complete the full sex scenes, mechanical humping in the usual positions.

So now Kayden knows that Michelle is Mick, but with hardly any justification humps him anyway to get this show over with. Its ending has cum dripping from her chin for a freeze-frame, Robby's dimwitted approximation of a rom-com "all's well" romantic conclusion.

Using IMDb as my guide, I count at least 80 of these atrocious rom-coms, mostly with identical male casts (Ferrara, Blue, Nails, Everhard) cranked out by Robby for DP in just 4 years: 2010 thru 2013. The aforementioned early scene has Scott mentioning how he had to watch a porn DVD last night to get his rocks off, and Mick wonders: "Do they still make DVDs?". This admonition of the waning days of big-label porn is heartwarming to hear, but clearly DP failed to take note of it, if they wasted so much money (not time, considering how slipshod are these 80 or so quickies) on worthless, low-sales rom-coms both before and after the corporate sell-off that resulted in a merger with Brazzers.
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