Lily Aldrin: Hey! You really do have everything in there, don't you?
Ted Mosby: You're like Mary Poppins if her magic purse was also filled with drugs.
Robin Scherbatsky: If? Ted, the kids in that movie jumped into a painting and spent fifteen minutes chasing a cartoon fox... spoon full of sugar? Grow up.
Marshall Eriksen: You guys don't get it, okay? None of you do. My dad was my hero. And he was my teacher. And he was my best friend. He always came through for me, and now he's just gone. And what am I left with?
[Plays static message and yells at the sky]
Marshall Eriksen: Thanks a lot God, thank you. You took my father. The greatest man that I have ever known, and you whipped him off this Earth, way too young. And he'll never get to meet our kids, Lily. But we've got this voice mail. Thank you so much for the voice mail, it's a great comfort. Because whenever I'm starting to feel lonely, or sad, or maybe a little bit cheated, at least I've got the sound of his pocket to console me. How is this fair? You've got an entire human life, and it just ends for no reason. And what are we left with?
Marvin Eriksen Sr.: [Over the voice mail message] Marshall? Looks like I've been calling you for over five minutes. How's my pocket sound? Sorry about that buddy. Anyway, your mom and I had such a great time seeing you. I love you.
Marshall Eriksen: Wait! I'm wrong! I'm wrong! That wasn't it! They couldn't find a cab. So my dad called up from the street.
Marvin Eriksen Sr.: Hey! Marshall! Marshall! Looks like rain out here! I-I couldn't find an umbrella in your closet! You know who probably has an umbrella?
Marshall Eriksen: And then... well see my dad grew up in a small town in another generation. So sometimes, totally well meaningly he'd say stuff like...
Marvin Eriksen Sr.: The Koreans across the hall! The Koreans are trustworthy and generous people.!
Marshall Eriksen: Dad?
Marvin Eriksen Sr.: I bet one of the Koreans have an umbrella! Heck! They're Koreans!
Marvin Eriksen Sr.: My dad's last words to me were a string of odd racial stereotypes.
Marshall Eriksen: Hey you were right. The Kangs did in fact have an umbrella.
Marvin Eriksen Sr.: Of course they did.
Barney Stinson: Today, we are going to make Marshall laugh. Ted, what's the one thing that always cracks him up?
Ted Mosby: Internet footage of a guy getting hit in the nuts?
Barney Stinson: [Over the top of Ted] Internet footage of a guy getting hit in the nuts, exactly! So we are going to get our bro a four star nad rattler. You search knees, feet, bannisters, fire hydrants and diving boards. And I'll cover bats, racquets, hockey sticks, golf clubs and riding crops.
[They both pull out their phones]
Ted Mosby: What about animals?
Barney Stinson: [Points to Ted] Claws, paws, talons.
[Points to himself]
Barney Stinson: Hooves, beaks and clenched monkey fists. We can do this!