Brian Griffin: This sucks! I can't believe that judge is making us go to a month of AA.
Lois Griffin: You know, if you ask me, this is going to be a good thing for both of you. There's a lesson you need to learn.
Brian Griffin: What are you talking about? What lesson? I don't need to go to AA. I'm a social drinker, not an alcoholic.
Stewie Griffin: Pshaw! Yeah, that's like saying rappers are really poets.
Greg: My name is Greg, and, uh, I'm an alcoholic. One fateful night, I, uh, got behind the wheel of my brand new sports car, blind drunk. I was responsible for the death on an innocent, 8-year-old girl.
Peter Griffin: What kind?
Peter Griffin: What kind of car? You said you had a sports car. That's cool, but what kind?
Greg: It was a Miata.
Peter Griffin: Oh, come on! That's not a sports car. H-how does that even kill a kid? What-cha what-cha do, hit her over the head with it?
Greg: That's a legitimate sports car!
Peter Griffin: No. Next!
Lois Griffin: Oh, there you boys are. How was your meeting?
Brian Griffin: 29 more and we're done, That's how it was.
Lois Griffin: Well, that doesn't sound like the right attitude.
Peter Griffin: Lois, you weren't there. It was awful! Just a bunch of losers telling boring stories: "My drinking ruined my marriage," "My drinking ruined my family," "My drinking ruined my TV show, '24.'"
Brian Griffin: Ah, good. It's starting.
Peter Griffin: Yeah, that's what YOU say. I can never figure out when the hell the studio logos end and the actual movie begins.
[20th Century Fox logo plays]
Peter Griffin: Alright. Let's see what you got, Fox.
[map pops out from under the water on the screen]
Peter Griffin: Oh, I bet that's a sea monster.
[revealed to be logo for Underwater Map Productions]
Peter Griffin: Oh, that's not the movie. That's... yeah, I think I've heard of them.
[Once Upon a Time... shows up on screen]
Peter Griffin: Here we go. Movie!
["STUDIOS" shows up from under the caption]
Peter Griffin: Well, now that seems intentionally misleading.
[airplane comes up on screen]
Peter Griffin: Alright, someone's coming to town!
[revealed to be logo for Arriving Flight Productions]
Peter Griffin: Oh, for crying out loud!
[image of India shown with the caption "India, 1853"]
Peter Griffin: Alright, a period movie.
[zooms out to show that it's the logo for Country-and-Date Productions]
Peter Griffin: Oh, not a period movie.
[guy on screen runs into a house in a thunderstorm]
Peter Griffin: Oh, this guy's in trouble. Can't wait to hear his story.
[flashes and tints into black and white on-screen to show that it's the logo for Panting Man's Wounded Shoulder Films]
Peter Griffin: Oh, COME ON!
Death: You members of the human race have the power to send a man to the moon and make Justin Long a movie star. With that kind of willpower, don't you think you can learn how to put the bottle down, just sometimes?
Peter Griffin: We did it with Justin Long, didn't we? America said no but we kept at it!