On the 100th anniversary of the original voyage, a modern luxury liner christened "Titanic 2," follows the path of its namesake. But when a tsunami hurls an ice berg into the new ship's ... See full summary »
Shane Van Dyke
Shane Van Dyke,
John Carter (Antonio Sabato Jr.) is some kind of lone soldier in the middle east who looks at everyone through the scope on his rifle, until one day he gets shot a bunch of times and the ... See full summary »
Antonio Sabato Jr.,
Researchers in Antarctica are abducted by a team of masked storm troopers. They are dragged deep underground to a hidden continent in the center of the earth. Here Nazi survivors, their ... See full summary »
Joseph J. Lawson
Joshua Michael Allen
Captain Nemo goes even deeper into insanity in this mesmerizing fantasy tale. Once again at the helm of his fearsome, wildly advanced vessel, the nautical madman endeavors to turn the world above the waves upside down.
I caught this on Syfy, and I wish I could make them take it back. The plot centered around Loki trying to destroy the earth by killing Yggdrasill, the tree of life. I don't remember if either Thor or Loki mention it by name; I got the impression they couldn't pronounce actual Nordic terms if their paychecks depended on it. Not only this, but Loki keeps talking about Ragnarok, and it is obvious the writers had no idea what the term means. They would probably also call people in a blimp "the Rapture." Anywhoo, the whole plot requires Loki to steal Thor's hammer. Why this is difficult is never made clear, because Thor is a major beefcake meathead. He sounds like a surfer and spends most of the movie looking like he needs a diaper change. Some woman named Jarnsaxa spoon-feeds him every move, which is amazing because she is practically unintelligible--a fact made even more painful when they do vocal effects and her words could not be deciphered even by CIA software.
I won't spoil the ending, because the director and writer already did that. Suffice it to say that it involves a trip to Hell; not HEL, the Nordic afterlife and the goddess thereof, but basically the Christian Hell--fire, lava, the whole ball of melting wax.
Watch this if you need a good laugh; there isn't an ounce of real heroism or grandeur in the whole mess. My biggest disappointment was Richard Grieco, who can be an effective menace but here comes across as a street punk with a wand and a skin condition.
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